Heartbreak

What are these feelings? Frustration? Agony? Anger?

I don't know but all I can say, I am being torn inside.

His voice earlier wasn't familiar. Very unlikely unfamiliar compared to the previous tone, that I am familiar with. All of our previous conversation with him through my phone was kinda normal, I would say.

But it wasn't soothing, still, I fell in love with him immediately. However, now, the voice was unfamiliar, heartbreakingly unfamiliar. Why? And how?

Was he acting with me? Was he using his fakeness to keep a healthy relationship with his father? By betraying me?

I don't know. I can't think of any positive answer as well. He is abandoning me. That's all, my heart is screaming. I am pathetic. I don't deserve a healthy and happy family. I don't deserve to be someone's only one.

All the time, why did he have to act like a gentleman? That face with endearment, those gentle touch with care, the way, he tried to hide his embarrassed face whenever he held my hand. What's with all of them? Acting? I don't know because it doesn't feel like he was acting. I don't know.

Was it necessary to act like a gentleman when you would leave me like this? I don't complain but I have a heart too, I have feelings too. I may seem to be a little messy, unable to bring the words in my heart perfectly outside. I know sometimes I don't even understand what I do wrong to get those pain. But I can be hurt too.

But, Honestly, I didn't feel that much-complicated emotions before. The feeling of heartbreak completely compounds over time until the agony weighs down on my shoulders.

It felt kind of fantasy when I first fell so hard for him. Now, It turned out I am being thrown onto the floor with no mercy. The love that exists in my heart, is crawling in my every cell, with pain.

Ahh! I don't think I can sleep tonight. I wonder how actually a happy ending feels like. How does it feel when your dearest one holds your hand and keeps saying 'I love you'? They are really lucky who get their true love.

” Ma'am! It's already past midnight! You should return to your room!"

The butler approached me from behind. I know they're pitying me. After all, I am the one who is abandoned by her husband on their first night.

But I don't want to go.

" The moon is beautiful. I love Moon." I said smiling at the Butler.

" Mr. Butler!"

" Yes! Ma'am!"

” Any piano here?"

” Piano? Yes, Ma'am! It's on the first floor!"

“ Please take me there."

Moon and Piano, sometimes rain and violin, they become my comfort. The moonlight and the melody of the piano make me forget all of my sadness.

Come to think about it, When I first met him, I was no plan to get entangled with someone who is arranged by my parents. At least I wanted to have the life partner of my choice. But, now, I ended up facing the fear that I was always scared of.

If only that day, my father-in-law didn't meet me in that restaurant when I was hanging out with my classmates. Hah! I can't call them friends too. They hurt me more than I can mention. I wonder if I had a close friend, would I have shared my problems?

The butler opened the door for me. The cracking sound of the door is as lonely as I am right now. However, when I stepped in, the entire world felt different. The room is beautiful, no, it's dreamy. The curtains are playing with the wind, the moonlight peaking into the room, creating a reflection of the trees from outside on the wall, the scent of old papers or something like a fainted scent of dry jasmine and orchid, I can't distinguish but I can feel the calmness in my heart suddenly.

The room is neat and clean. Maybe they keep the room dusted off. The piano is in front of the large window, a perfect place. The moon and the piano, both will shower me with melancholy.

“ Is it okay to play at this hour? You will get sick, Ma'am!" The butler is concerned.

” I am totally fine. I usually stay late. So it doesn't matter. But I hope you will go back to your room, Mr. Butler! You need to wake up soon, right?"

” But I can't leave you like this. What if you need something?"

” I don't need anything. So, go back. Also, I think I need a little time for myself. I want to be alone from now on!"

I smiled at him, genuinely, to make sure he understands me. Truly, I need myself right now.

” I got it. Please don't stay late. I will wake up when breakfast will be ready tomorrow morning!"

” Sure! Thank you, Mr. Butler! "

He left giving me an assuring smile. Seems like he is a great person. Loyal as well.

Hah!!! I can't forget about today. I couldn't even look at his face. He only touched my lips. At that time, I was so shy that I thought he was concerning my situation and wanted to kiss privately.

But now, I think, he didn't want to kiss me in the first place. How could you hurt me like this? How could you? If you don't love me, why did you marry me? What did I do to deserve such a betrayal?

Or did he need to humiliate me at the first place? He could have - I have nothing to say.

......

“ Yes. I saw it. Master said as long as she got those bags, she would be fine without him on their first night!"

“ The hell! I thought she is the daughter of a rich family. She is fine with some bags. Disgusting! I will die for my husband but for some bags, I will never let him go!"

Are they talking about me?

Ah! My eyes hurt. Am I burning? I shouldn't have stayed late. Did I catch a cold? My head is spinning.

But what bags? When did he send me the bags? Bags? Oh! Butler brought a few bags last night.

So, did he say I would be fine if I get some bags? Am I a gold digger?

My heart felt the palpitations increasing rapidly. How could they talk about me like this in my bedroom? But they aren't lying, right? Did I do something when I went on a date with him that he thought I was giving priority to bags, not him? It's not true. I don't like bags. Why would he say that?

Well, Stop with this question. Why? Why would he do that or not? I don't think I can get an answer to this. Who abandoned me, can do anything even which seems to be impossible.

I love the wrong person, desperately, hopelessly, and pathetically. And, I know, I can't get away from this intense, obsessive love for him.

_Ring_Ring_

Marquis? Must be him. I should pick it up. What if he comes back, thinking what he did was bad? It was Unfair to me.

But I can't reach my phone! My head hurts so badly. High fever? No, I don't fall sick that easily but... Hiss! It's hurting badly.

” Hello!!" I hurriedly grabbed it and responded without thinking twice. My body is burning. Should I take another cold shower?

“ I heard Your husband didn't attend to you last night! What did you do?"

Not Marquis! How disappointing!

” Well ..." I mumbled...

“ Voice up! Oryx! What did you do that he left you alone? Did you do anything to upset him? Listen! You are now the root of our reputation. Your one wrong move can destroy our reputation! I don't care what happened with you two. But you must apologize and bring him back. Tomorrow, there will be a party. You must bring him with you."

“ But Mom!"

“ No more words! Stop being a bitch and bring your husband. Beg him, kneel, or even need, allow him to get some flings. But you have to bring him to the party!"

” I didn't do anything wrong to apologize!"

“ So, You are raising your voice against me? What did I teach you? In relationships, one must have to compromise to make it up. I don't care who did wrong but I want you to fix it. Goodbye!"

Thank you, Mother. Thank you for everything. Yeah, that's right, I am the one who needs to fix it up. From my feelings to your reputation.

I was born for that. To compromise, to obey, and to be a good girl. Here, I got nothing but a life of puppets.

Yes. Let's do it. Let's swallow the ego and pride, let's stop talking about love and relationships. All I need to do is beg, apologizing to keep the marriage still. As long as they wish me to... A spineless woman like me doesn't deserve anything.