LOGINCassie
Katrina goes still. Like she wasn’t expecting me to say yes so fast. Then she reaches into her bag. Pulls out a pen and slides it across the table. It’s heavy when I pick it up. The kind of pen that feels important just holding it. I flip to the last page. There’s a line at the bottom with the words Caregiver Signature printed underneath. I press the tip of the pen to the paper. My fingers tremble so badly the first letter comes out jagged. But I keep going. C-a-s-s-i-e. Then my last name. B-r-e-n-n-a-n. When I finish, I set the pen down. Katrina takes the contract. Looks at my signature for a long moment and then at me. “You start Monday,” she says. “A car will pick you up at eight in the morning. Pack for four days. Bring whatever you need to be comfortable. My housekeeper will show you to your room.” “Okay.” “And Miss Brennan?” She stands. Picks up her bag and pulls a few bills from her purse. Drop them on the table beside the untouched drink. “Thank you. Truly.” She leaves before I can respond. I sit there alone at the marble table, staring at the water I never drank. What did I just do? *** I don’t go home right away. I’m sitting in my mom’s car with the engine off, still not used to saying that instead of mine, hands gripping the wheel even though I’m not going anywhere yet. The parking lot is half empty and quiet, just the sound of cars passing on the street behind me. I need to tell Mara. The thought hits me and I can already see her face. The way her jaw is going to set when I say I’m taking a live-in job. The way her eyes are going to narrow because she’ll know what that means. Four days gone. Four days where she’s alone with Jonah, handling everything I’m supposed to be handling. She’s going to be so angry. She’s sixteen and she’s already had to grow up too fast, already had to be the one making sure Jonah gets to school on time and eats something other than cereal for dinner. And now I’m about to tell her it’s going to get worse for a while. That she’s going to have to do even more because I’m going to be gone Monday through Thursday every single week for the next three months. Maybe six. I can hear her voice in my head already. Sharp and bitter. “Of course you’re leaving. You’re always leaving.” And Jonah. Shit. Jonah’s going to look at me with those big eyes and ask when I’m coming back and I’m going to have to tell him I don’t know exactly. That it depends. That I’ll call every night but I won’t be there to sit with him when he has nightmares about things he can’t explain. He’s twelve. He shouldn’t have to understand why I’m doing this. But he will anyway because he always does. He’ll just nod and go back to his sketchbook and draw more monsters while Mara slams doors and pretends she doesn’t care. I lean my head back against the seat and close my eyes for a second. This is the right choice. It has to be. Mom needs the surgery and this is the only way to pay for it. Three months and she gets to live. That’s all that matters. But it doesn’t stop the guilt from sitting heavy in my chest, doesn’t stop me from feeling like I’m failing them all over again. I reach for my phone in the cupholder, my hands won’t stay steady. I need to see his face one more time before Monday. I need to remind myself who I’m about to walk into. I open the browser and type his name. Kai Petrova. The first result is a Wikipedia page. I click it. ‘Kai Petrova is an American entrepreneur and designer, founder of Petrova Design Group. In 2020, he was involved in a car accident that resulted in the death of his younger sister, Lily Petrova (14), and left him paralyzed from the waist down. He has since withdrawn from public life.’ There’s a photo at the top. It’s old. From before the accident. He’s smiling. Dark hair pushed back off his forehead. Sharp jawline. Gray-blue eyes that look like they’re laughing at whoever’s behind the camera. He’s wearing a suit but the tie is loose, the top button undone. Confident and alive. The kind of person who looks like nothing bad has ever happened to him. Then I scroll down. There’s another photo. More recent. Grainy. Taken from far away, probably by someone with a telephoto lens who shouldn’t have been there. He’s on a balcony. In a wheelchair. His face is turned away from the camera but I can still see enough. He looks like a ghost. Like someone who’s already dead but doesn’t know it yet. I did this. My brother did this. I close my eyes, and I can see it. The crash. The sirens. Lily’s face on the news. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper. My voice breaks. I don’t know if I’m apologizing to him or to Lily or to myself. Maybe all of us. I close the browser and set my phone down. I start the car. The engine turns over and I sit there for a moment, hands on the wheel, staring at the café through the windshield. Monday. Four days from now. I’m going to walk into Kai Petrova’s house. I’m going to take care of him. And he’s never going to know that my brother is the reason his sister is dead. I put the car in reverse. And I drive home.CassieIt doesn’t turn. I try again, pressing down harder, but the metal stays fixed in place.He locked his door from the inside, something he’s never done before in all the days I’ve been here.“Mr Petrova?” I keep my voice low in case he’s still sleeping even though I doubt he is. “I have your breakfast.”Nothing comes back.“Your medications are out here. You need to take them with food.”Still nothing, just that same heavy silence that seems to fill every corner of this house.I try the handle one more time even though I already know it won’t work, the cold metal unyielding under my palm no matter how hard I twist.He’s in there, I know he’s in there, and he’s locked me out completely like I’m some kind of threat he needs protection from.I stand in the hallway for another long moment, holding a tray of food that’s getting colder by the second and staring at a door that’s not going to open no matter how long I wait.Finally I bend down carefully, minding my knee, and set the tray
CassieI’m still standing in the hallway outside his studio with tears drying cold on my face when his words finally sink in.I don’t want an audience.I need to leave before he says something else that makes this worse, before I embarrass myself more than I already have by crying outside his door like some kind of pathetic stranger who thinks she matters.I take a step back, then another, keeping one hand on the wall to steady myself because my vision is still blurred from crying and everything looks slightly wrong in the dim light. The hallway stretches out behind me, too long and too empty, and I focus on putting one foot in front of the other until I reach the top of the stairs.The house is so quiet now that the music has stopped. Every sound I make feels amplified, my footsteps echoing off the marble floors below, my breathing uneven and catching in ways I can’t seem to control no matter how hard I try.I start down the stairs, one hand gripping the railing, moving carefully b
The silence stretches. I assume that's my answer, until he speaks, so quietly I barely catch it. “I remember some things.”“What kind of things?”“Mom crying a lot. And Mara being angry all the time. And Miles…” He trails off, his finger tracing one of the dark lines on the page. “Miles left and didn’t come back for a really long time.”My chest feels too tight but I force myself to keep breathing normally, keep my voice steady.“That sounds really hard,” I say quietly. “You were pretty young when all that happened.”He nods, still not looking at me. I reach across and gently touch the edge of the sketchbook, not closing it, just letting him know I’m here.“Sometimes when scary things happen, our brains hold onto them,” I tell him. “Even when we don’t want them to. And sometimes drawing them out can help us understand them better.”“Does it make them go away?”“Not always. But it can make them feel smaller. Less scary.”He looks up at me finally, his eyes big and serious. “I don’t re
CassieMy mom’s hand feels like it weighs nothing. That’s what I keep thinking as I sit here holding it, her fingers resting loose in mine like they might slip away if I don’t pay attention. The IV line taped to the back of her hand pulls slightly when she shifts, and I adjust my grip to give her more room.She’s awake but her eyes are doing that thing where they’re open but not really seeing anything, just staring at the ceiling tiles like maybe if she looks long enough they’ll tell her something she needs to know.Dr. Patel left a few minutes ago after saying what we both already knew. The surgery needs to happen soon. As soon as we can schedule it. Every day we wait makes the odds worse.“Mom.” I keep my voice low so I don’t startle her. “Did you hear what he said?”Her eyes move toward me, slow and unfocused, and she nods just barely.“We’re going to get it scheduled,” I tell her, squeezing her hand gently. “Everything’s going to be fine. I’ve got the money now. We can do this.”
CassieThe next morning, I bring his breakfast, open his curtains and set the tray down on the table like always.But this time I don’t leave right away. “We’re doing physical therapy today,” I say to his back where he’s still lying in bed facing the wall. “I’ll be back at ten. Please be ready.”“No.”“Ten o’clock, Mr Petrova.”I walk out before he can argue.At ten, I’m standing outside his door again, folder in hand, trying to steady my breathing. I knock once, then open it without waiting.He’s in his wheelchair by the window, dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt instead of staying in bed all day. He’s not looking at me, just staring out at the grounds like they’re more interesting than anything I could possibly say.“I’m not doing this,” he says.“Yes, you are.”“You can’t make me.”“No, I can’t.” I walk over and set the folder down on his desk.“But I’m going to be here every day at ten until you do. So you can either get it over with now, or you can listen to me knock on your doo
CassieThat afternoon, I’m standing outside his studio door with the folder Mrs Rosalind gave me yesterday. Physical therapy exercises. Stretches and movements he’s supposed to be doing three times a week to maintain muscle function and prevent further deterioration.I’ve been staring at this folder all morning, knowing I need to bring it up, knowing it’s going to be a fight.I knock once.“What?” His voice comes through sharp and irritated.“I need to talk to you about something.”“No.”“It’s important.”“I don’t care.”I take a breath, count to three in my head, then open the door anyway.The studio is dim.That’s the first thing that hits me. There are windows along the far wall but the light coming through is muted and gray, not enough to really brighten the space. The kind of light that makes everything look washed out and tired.There are lamps scattered around the room, the kind artists use when they’re working, but none of them are turned on. Just sitting there dark and unuse
CassieI don’t know how long I sit there. Could be twenty minutes. Could be an hour. Time feels strange right now, like it’s moving too fast and too slow at the same time.Eventually I get up. My legs are stiff and my back aches from sitting on the hard floor, but I make it to the break room and po
CassieThe break room smells like burnt coffee and something else I can’t quite place. Maybe it’s the trash nobody’s taken out in three days, or maybe it’s just the weight of too many double shifts soaking into the walls. I don’t know anymore.It’s three in the morning. The fluorescent lights overh
Cassie The first thing I think when Mrs Rosalind opens the door and steps aside to let me in, is the room is beautiful.It’s bigger than the living room in my apartment. There’s a queen-sized bed with a thick comforter that looks like it’s never been slept in, a dresser, a desk and chair by the w
CassieI’ve never been to a café like this before.White marble tables. Gold accents on everything. The kind of place where the lighting is soft enough to make everyone look expensive. There’s a glass case near the counter filled with pastries that probably cost more than my grocery budget for a we







