She'd even sunk so low as to hang around outside her old home, the home she'd barely had time to enjoy before being ousted. Having the cops cart you away in handcuffs because your replacement felt threatened by you hanging around her home as she carried the child that was by all rights supposed to be yours was about as horrifying an ordeal as she could've imagined. That had been the last time she'd tried. The humiliation coupled with the restraining order had finally put the nail in that coffin. And if she hadn't exactly moved on, she'd withdrawn. She'd had to accept after all the knocks that her life was gone. The life she'd mapped out for herself had become nothing more than a tainted dream. It had come to light after all was said and done that the affair was a well-known fact among their circle of friends. Everyone knew except the gullible unsuspecting fool who had put her life on hold for the man she thought was the love of her life and she his. He'd even talked her into putt
She'd shared her hopes and dreams, her fears, all of it with him. He knew what being left behind meant to her and had promised never to desert her the way everyone else had. Words had been her only solace on those days when life became too much when her reality became a dark hole that she couldn't seem to climb out of. Even with Paul in her life back then as a young teen, she'd had her writing to keep her sane. She relived the memories as she went through the box now. Taking out the hundreds of stories she'd written over the years. Some of them had been pretty good now that she thought of it, and she cussed Paul in her mind for yet another dream of hers that he'd stolen. Why was it only now that she so clearly saw just what a selfish prick he was? Why hadn't she had this insight years ago before she'd wasted her youth on his undeserving ass? He'd stolen her life, taken away her every reason for being. Everything she'd found joy in he'd squashed in some way, or another, if
Getting up from the floor, she took the box with her back to the kitchen, where she made herself another pot of coffee and prepared to dig in. For the first time, in too long to remember, she felt half alive and hoped the feeling last. She was tired of looking at the back end of despair, time for some light and laughter, even if it was with the people she created in her own mind. It was another few hours before she came up for air. Going back over what she'd written, she felt the first real sense of hope since her world had unraveled. Sitting there at the ratty old table, she felt empowered and accomplished with her small victory. You see, all is not lost. There's still a little piece of you in there. She read it over again to be sure, and it still flowed well. Something was forming in the pit of her gut that told her maybe life was about to change. That maybe her days of crying on the bathroom floor were at an end. "This is pretty good stuff, Kerry girl." She felt a flutter o
The next day, before she could lose her nerve, she got up early and got ready for her walk of shame. Everyone knew what had happened to her and though she was sure not all of them were actually laughing at her behind their hands, she was pretty sure the ones who weren't were pitying her, and she wasn't sure which horrified her more. She pushed those negative thoughts aside as best she could as she drank her second cup of coffee. After rinsing the cup and putting it to drain, she headed to the bathroom to add the finishing touches to her appearance. The fact that she even cared was a good sign as far as she was concerned. It had been a while. In her jeans that now fit a little looser around the hips, but fell just right enough to be considered fashionable, and a nice halter top she'd had stuffed into the back of her closet, promising herself she would work up the nerve to wear one night to wow Paul, she checked herself out in the mirror. She certainly hadn't lost any weight in
"Er, excuse me, gotta go." She'd lost her damn mind that's it. All the pressure from the last few months had finally made her crack and that's why she was standing on a sidewalk salivating over the very well proportioned schlong of a complete stranger. She had never in her life done such a thing, what in the world had possessed her? Sure he was the hottest thing she'd ever seen outside a TV screen, but still. She wasn't the type to act in such a way. What must he think of her? She knew he'd caught her, oh damn. But funnily enough where the old Kerry would've run in mortal shame, the new one wouldn't mind another peek. Good grief. You'd think she'd learned her lesson. What happened to all those private vows she'd made to herself, never to even look at a member of the opposite sex again in this lifetime? It took her a moment to realize he hadn't moved out of her way to let her pass since she'd gotten tangled up in her own head. "You're absolutely gorgeous." Her eyes bugged out o
She followed the old lady into her quaint little house not quite sure what to make of this turn of events. The house was pretty much what you would expect the house of an elderly woman living alone to look like. There were pictures on the walls and every other surface in the front room, most of them of a young man in an army uniform from about the early forties. She was pretty sure it was the late Mr. Thompson who had passed a few years earlier. There were others of younger people as well, the children and grandchildren most likely. There was bric-a-brac with knickknacks, doilies on everything and crocheted afghans thrown over the backs of chairs. It was homey and nice and made her miss her gran who'd been gone for eight years now. The memory of the old woman who'd been so good to her brought fresh tears to her eyes. She was glad her gran hadn't been around to see the mess she'd made of things though, at least that was one thing she could be grateful for. That her grandparents
Back at the little apartment she opened the windows to let in some air. There was no air conditioning and she wouldn't have used it if there were one, because she couldn't really afford to waste money on the electric bill. She'd barely made it out of the divorce with a few thousand dollars, money she'd squirrelled away each month to plan for a trip. Money, Paul knew nothing about or she was sure he'd have taken that as well. Every time she thought of the injustice of it, she got really sad or really mad. The fact that someone who had once proclaimed undying love for her could do such a horrible thing to her left her cold and afraid. The world truly was a scary place. She had a sudden flash of Kyle and the way he'd looked down at her. She wondered what kind of man he was. She knew better than to judge a book by its cover, look at what the boy next door had done to her life. But there had to be some kind of story there, what with all the tats and that bike. She actually found
"Ms. Lucille was worried about you so she asked me to run this over." He didn't wait for an invite just walked right in and placed the bag he was carrying on the table next to the computer. "Come on in." She said facetiously, which he ignored. "Don't mind if I do." He started reading what she'd written until she rushed across the room and folded the laptop closed. "Hey." Her face was ten shades of red and she avoided making eye contact. "Pretty steamy. I'm under strict orders to make sure you eat so let's go." Thank heaven he didn't embarrass her by mentioning what he'd read. She well remembered the last words she'd tapped out on the screen. Crud! "I'm not hungry right now, I was just getting into the groove of things." "I can see that." He smirked at her and she could've kicked her own ass for opening up that door. He took pity on her though and dropped it. "You been at this thing since this morning?" "Yes so?" "Eat." He took the containers out of the bag an