Chapter 4: I thought I was Lesbian

 Emma's POV 

The day I saw Luca fucking a girl on the kitchen cabinet was the first time I saw sex live.

And since then.....

****Back to my Bedroom Floor****

The wood of the door was hard against my spine, but I didn't move. I couldn't.

I sat there in the dark of my bedroom, my breath coming in shallow hitches that sounded too loud in the silence. My heart was a frantic bird hitting the walls of my chest. For nineteen years, I’d been the girl who didn't "feel" things. My friends joked I was made of ice. I’d even started to believe them.

But I wasn't ice. I was a match that had finally been struck.

I slept with Luca. I whispered it in my head, over and over, trying to make the words feel real. Luca Carter—the guy who was too handsome, too charming, and wanted by literally every girl on campus—had just dismantled my entire identity in under an hour.

 I looked at my hands. They were pale in the moonlight, still shaking. I felt... different. Heavier. Like the "Emma" who lived in this room three hours ago was a stranger I’d never meet again.

I stood up, my legs feeling like they were made of water, and moved toward the bathroom. I needed to wash the cedar and tequila off my skin before it became a part of me.

I didn't turn on the light. I stripped off the black dress, let it fall in a heap, and stepped into the shower. I turned the dial until the water was hot enough to sting.

"Ow," I breathed, but I stayed under the spray. I needed the sting.

I let the water run over my face, closing my eyes. Big mistake. The second it went dark, I was back in his bed. I could feel the weight of him, the rough slide of his tongue, and that look in his eyes right before he pushed his dick inside me. It wasn't the look of a playboy. It was the look of someone finding water in a desert.

I scrubbed my skin until it was red, my mind racing. Does it show? I wondered, staring at my reflection in the dark mirror afterward. Can people see it on me?

I pulled on my baggiest hoodie and leggings, trying to swallow the lump of guilt in my throat. I had just betrayed my best friend. Not because I hated her, but because for the first time in my life, I felt like I was actually alive.

The front door to the apartment clicked open.

I froze, gripping the towel. Mia was home.

I heard her heels clicking across the hardwood, then a pause outside my door. A soft knock followed.

"Emma? You in there?"

I cleared my throat, trying to find my "normal" voice. "Yeah! Just... getting ready for bed."

"Can I come in?"

I hesitated, then walked over and cracked the door open. Mia was leaning against the frame, her lipstick slightly smudged, looking like she’d had a much better night than me. She studied my face, her eyes narrowing.

"You look like you ran a marathon," she said, her voice a low drawl. "Hannah said you left the party early. She was worried."

"The tequila hit me too hard," I lied. It was an easy lie. I’d used it a hundred times. "I just needed to lie down."

"In the dark?" Mia stepped into the room, looking at the heap of my black dress on the floor. "You were so excited about that dress. Now it looks like you couldn't get it off fast enough."

"It was itchy," I snapped, a bit too quickly.

Mia raised an eyebrow, a slow smirk spreading across her face. "Okay, okay. Chill. I just thought you might want to know that Luca was looking for you. Well, he wasn't 'looking' for you, but he was acting like a total prick to everyone after you left. He even snapped at Hannah."

My heart did a slow, painful roll. "He’s always like that, Mia."

"Is he?" Mia sat on the edge of my bed, her gaze piercing. "I don't know. Tonight he looked... frustrated. Like he lost something he didn't expect to care about."

"I wouldn't know."

"Right." Mia stood up, walking toward the door. "Anyway, Hannah wants to go to the lake tomorrow morning. She said she’ll be here at ten. Try to look less like a ghost by then, okay? You’re making me depressed just looking at you."

"I'll try," I whispered.

She shut the door, and the air finally returned to my lungs. She didn't know. She couldn't.

I collapsed onto my bed and reached for my phone. It vibrated almost immediately.

Luca: Are you okay?

I stared at the screen. My fingers trembled as I typed back.

Me: I'm home. Mia's here. I feel like everyone can see it written on my face.

Luca: They can't. You're fine, Emma. Just breathe.

Me: How can you be so calm? You lied to your sister's face.

Luca: I've been lying to her for years, Emma. About a lot of things. Tonight was the first time I felt like I was finally telling the truth about something.

Me: What truth?

Luca: That I’ve wanted to do that with you since the night in the kitchen. Maybe even before that.

I dropped the phone on my chest, my face burning. The kitchen. He’d known I was there. He’d known I was watching. And he’d used it to wake me up.

I turned on my side, pulling the covers up to my chin. I was a liar. I was a traitor. And as I closed my eyes, all I could think about was the way his name sounded when I whispered it against his skin.

I was almost asleep when a new text pinged. I expected it to be Luca again, but when I looked at the screen, my blood turned to ice.

Hannah: Hey, I found something in Luca’s room after you left. A silver earring. It looks exactly like the ones you were wearing tonight. You didn't happen to go in there to find me, did you?

I reached for my ears. One silver hoop was there.

The other was gone.