4. Hold us back.

Alister pov

I shove the front door open and walk out without looking back at the mess I dragged into the living room. 

The second the night air hits my face I start walking faster, needing to get away from the house before I lose control and do something that can’t be undone. 

My hands shake, my chest feels too tight and every breath I take feels like a sudden, blinding surge of electricity shooting through my lungs. 

While I could go to the training grounds and get some of the anger out in the most harmless way I know, I turn and head straight into the woods behind the property instead. I don’t want anyone to see me like this, especially the pack members who might start questioning my family even more than they already do. 

I don’t stop until I’m deep enough that the lights from the house are gone and once I’m sure nobody’s following, I let myself stop. 

My breathing has turned too loud and hard, so I try to force air in through my nose and out through my mouth, but it does nothing to help - the anger roots itself within me and refuses to move. 

Dropping to my knees, I dig my fingers into the dirt and grab fistfuls of it until my knuckles turn white.

“She almost got herself killed again.” My wolf snarls, acting as if I wasn’t there and didn’t see everything with my own damn eyes. 

I don’t react to his words, or at least, try not to. Instead, I grit my teeth and dig my fingers deeper into the dirt, focusing on the sensation of gripping something rather than his voice. 

“You saw her,” he snaps, already pacing in my mind like a rabid animal. “She was pinned against the wall by those Graves dogs. One of those fuckers had his hand over her mouth, his fucking nose on her neck, sniffing her like a prize! And she still acts like she did nothing wrong?!”

I close my eyes and try to push him back and force the barrier between us just so I can get rid of his growls and words before his anger merges with mine, but of course, it doesn’t work - the wolf is too stubborn to listen to me. 

“She’s a spoiled brat,” I finally answer him in my thoughts. “Ophelia is reckless, selfish and she doesn’t care what her actions cost to other people. She’s always gotten whatever she wanted, what makes you think she’ll grow out of that princess attitude?” 

“She cost us everything!” He snarls as if I don’t know how much we lost. “Every single time, she manages to become the reason why we must give up or lose something dear to us. It’s been twenty years and she still walks around acting like she’s the only one who suffered! It’s not that she doesn’t see your pain, Alister, she simply turns a blind eye to anyone who isn’t her!” 

“I know!” I snap back at him, “I fucking know!”

The snarl that echoes in my mind is louder than anything I’ve ever heard, so powerful that my body collapses in the dirt. “Why do you keep saving her?” He demands, voice dripping with venom and righteous hatred. “Why do we still run after her every time she sneaks out and fucks up something? Why do we care if the twins touch her or not? Let them! Let those Graves bastards take the brat, maybe she’ll learn the lesson that life isn’t about her and what she fucking wants! We’ll get rid of all the whining and ‘poor me’ act for good!”

For a long moment, I stay silent, unsure how to word the answer that’s been sitting in my mind, locked away from everyone, my wolf included, for years. 

“Because if something happens to her it will destroy our parents,” I answer, then add, “and because I can’t stand the thought of anyone touching her, even if I still hate her.” 

His response to my words is a bitter chuckle. “Hate, Alister? Is that what we call it now? Just looking at her makes my skin crawl. Catching a single whiff of her scent makes me want to rip something apart until there’s nothing left to collect. And still, we drag her out of every mess she creates, watch her food at night and follow her scent the second she leaves the house?” 

I clench my jaw and press my forehead against the cold ground, digging my hands deeper like that’ll help me calm down. 

“She doesn’t even know,” he continues, tone dropping a little quieter, but the anger doesn’t fade. “She doesn’t know what it feels like to wake up every day without a voice because of her and watch the thing that took our voice live inside her and thrive. She’s so obsessed with her own little victim act that she refuses to look past her nose and instead, goes out of her way looking for more trouble.” 

With every word leaving him the anger twists deeper in my chest, breathing becomes harder, the same as holding back from storming back home and ripping something she cares about from her.

“I want to shake her,” I admit, “maybe I’ll make her understand somehow, but… but every time I look at her I just feel sick.” 

“That’s good. For as long as you stay sick looking at her, you don’t forget the anger you’re supposed to feel. The last thing I want is you forgetting what she took from us, Alister,” he growls. 

I nod and stay on my knees, focusing on the anger that’s supposed to remind me that some hatred is properly placed, but I can’t lose control to the anger. I have no idea how long I spend in the woods, but even when my entire body starts shaking from holding myself back it feels like I haven’t been here nearly long enough.

“Shift,” my wolf suddenly snaps, startling me so much I actually flinch. “Run. Just hand over the control and let me take over for a while. We both need to burn this negativity off before we go back to that house and see her face again.” 

I shake my head hard even though he can’t see it. “No.”

“Alister.”

“I said no!” I scream at him in my thoughts. 

“You’re shaking, for fuck’s sake!” He screams so loudly, headache immediately splits my skull. “You’re about to lose control, you stubborn bastard! Let me run, if only for an hour! We’ll come back calmer and at least will be able to survive the night without accidents!” 

My fingers dig deeper into the ground until the point they actually hurt. “Dad’s warning,” I snarl at him. “Remeber what he said? Every time we shift we both black out, wake up hours later with no memory and blood on our hands. We can’t keep burying the consequences of the things you do when I’m not there. There’s a reason dad locks us up on full moon nights and tonight, we stay in human form. End of discussion, Damien.” I growl out his name to make sure he understands I mean business. 

It seems my warning sinks in because for a while, he stays quiet. When he speaks again, his voice sounds colder than ever, “one day, she’s going to push us too far, Alister, and when that day comes, locking the door won’t be enough to hold us back.”