Chapter 4 - Eden

I had walked that path so many times that I felt like I could do it with my eyes closed at this point. The same sparse grass, the same rocks, the same tree that almost never had leaves, no matter what the season.

And, even after five years, the same tears.

I had brought gloves and some cleaning supplies in a bag, but as always, the small headstone was perfectly clean, resting in the shade of the oak tree beside it. The flowers I had brought last week were still there, wilted and gray, but mostly untouched. 

Carved into the stone was a name that I knew very well what it was, even though my tear-stained eyes were barely allowing me to see it at the moment.

Annie Mycroft.

Connor hadn’t kept his promise. I have never been able to even hold my daughter's dead body in my arms. And our baby hadn’t been buried in his family’s cemetery, either. 

I couldn't even give her one last hug or be a part of her funeral. They just put her underground as quickly as they could, maybe because they wanted to get rid of their last connection to me.

Three days after his lawyers had thrust the divorce papers into my hands, after I hysterically begged over and over again to see my daughter, one of Michael’s bodyguards had sent me a card with directions to that cemetery, in the far corner of town. 

My first thought was that my little girl’s headstone looked lonely in that spot, so from the moment I was able to get out of that hospital bed again, I never stopped visiting it.

“Hello, my little angel…” I murmured, bending down to let the small bouquet rest against the gray stone “Mommy brought you lilies this time. Before I decided to name you after your grandmother, your name was almost Lily, do you remember?” 

A sob threatened to break my words, so I hesitated “I know she’s watching over you up there. Give her a hug for me, will you? Tell her that, even on the hardest days, I still try to be strong, like she told me to do.”

“Oh, Dr. Weston!” a voice interrupted my mutterings, causing me to sit up straight, trying to blink away the tears “Good to see you! How are you?”

“Hey, River.” I smiled, turning to see the old bald man with dirt-stained gloves and a shovel in his hands approaching “It’s always good to see you, too. How’s your grandson?”

“Rick’s been doing great lately, Doc, thanks to you.” The old gravedigger smiled “His fevers still come and go, but no seizures for months. He’s even gone back to his basketball practice. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen that kid this happy.” He sighed with relief, sitting down among the roots of the tree “Hey, Linda sent me an extra turkey sandwich today. Are you hungry?”

“I could really use a snack right now, but I have a 16-hour shift coming up today.” I smiled, but my eyes couldn’t help but fall on my daughter’s headstone “Oh, and, thanks for cleaning up again. You really didn’t have to…”

“It was only five minutes with water and a sponge. Too little to make up for what you did for my grandson.” He returned my smile, though there was also a bit of pity in his gaze “Good luck on your shift today. See you next week?”

“Maybe sooner.” I shrugged, not wanting to bore him with a monologue about how the anniversary of Annie’s death was coming up, and I always got a little more sensitive around that time “Tell your family I said hi. Oh, and tell Rick I’m still keeping an eye on him, even though he’s seeing Dr. Taylor now. I don’t want to hear that he took his meds at the wrong time because he was too busy playing video games.”

River just laughs at my false threat and with one last wave, I bid him farewell. My car is still waiting for me at the bottom of the small hill where the cemetery is located and as I start the engine, the road seems to be leading me to the hospital, not the other way around. 

Every time I visit Annie’s grave, a piece of me seems to be left behind along with her, but knowing that a busy day of work awaits me helps keep me going. The senior doctors used to say that just a few days in the pediatric ward is enough to break any newbie, but, for me, it had been the exact opposite.

My patients' parents used to say I had a gift for healing them, but it was those children who saved me every day.

“Good afternoon, Dr. Weston.” Herbert, one of the hospital’s janitors, greeted me as I walked through the front door “You know you have to let me know when you’re arriving. I have to put on sunglasses or your beauty will blind me.”

“Was that the kind of pick-up line you used to win Marnie over?” I laughed. “Be careful, or I’ll go to the cafeteria and tell her that her boyfriend is back to his old flirtatious ways. How’s your back?”

“Good as new after the medicine you gave me.” He smiled proudly. “Marnie asked me to thank you for helping me become more flexible…”

“Okay, I think that’s already too much information.” I rolled my eyes, patting his shoulder before heading down the hall. “See you later. And don’t forget to stretch every now and then. Your spine will thank you.”

I wheeled my small suitcase into the break room, hearing the buzz of conversation even before I reached the door. There was always some new gossip buzzing among the nurses, but today things seemed especially lively.

“Can you believe it? The child really is his!” I heard one of our senior nurses, Violet, mutter eagerly. “What was that woman thinking? Who has a child with Massimo Bianchi and has been hiding it for five years? Does she have any idea how much child support she’s lost…?”

“Could we be a little more ethical and not comment on patients’ personal problems?” I commented calmly as I opened the door, beginning to fold my jacket so I could put on my lab coat. “Mr. Bianchi is an important patient. We should treat his daughter and his wife with care.”

“Tell me about it. It’s been days, and they’re still talking about this paternity test like it’s a soap opera.” A mumble caught my attention, but before I could even reach my locker and put my things away, my friend Claire was already there, staring at me with a raised eyebrow “What are you doing here? Your shift isn’t supposed to start for another two hours.”

“Isla had an appointment and had to leave early. She asked me to cover for her.” I just shrugged as I started to get dressed. “I don’t mind.”

“You always say that.” Claire rolled her eyes.

“You can’t say much, either. As far as I know, you’re also ahead of schedule, Dr. Anderson.”

“Of course I am. Even a shift in trauma is better than being at home with two grumpy teenagers and all those calls.” She huffed, exhausted.

“Are Phil’s lawyers bothering us again?” I sighed “How many more clauses do they want to add to the divorce?”

“If only it were them. It’s Phil’s new girlfriend. Apparently, it doesn’t matter that she’s been his mistress for years. I’m the bitch who’s trying to mess up their relationship just because I called to tell him that Hawk is coming over to his place for the weekend this time, whether he likes it or not.” She grumbled, opening her own locker, right next to mine, to get something. “But, I guess it’s a good thing you got ahead of yourself. You're not going to your shift today, at least not anytime soon. Stefania has a special patient for you.”

“Dr. Kowalski? Giving someone special treatment?” I blinked in surprise “Now that’s a first. Where should I go?”

“In office 145, on the fourth floor. Looks like the Bianchis aren’t our only star patients at the moment.” Claire shrugged. “Anyway, I’ll save the last cappuccino capsule in the coffee maker for you.”

“See you in… 10 hours, hopefully.” I gave her an encouraging smile, quickly leaving the break room to catch the elevator.

If the hospital director was taking me off my schedule, so it probably wasn't something I could delay.

“Hey! Wait!” a shout rang out practically at the same moment the elevator doors opened on the fourth floor, and before I could even react, I saw a small figure dart toward me.

“Slow down, little buddy.” With just one step to the side, I made the little boy stop just a second before he hit my legs “It’s not nice to run in the hallways.” I reached down to gently grab him by the shoulders before he tried to run again “You could get hurt…”

My words died the second he lifted his small face to look at me. Not that children trying to escape from appointments was an unusual occurrence in the pediatric ward, but… 

One look into that child’s blue eyes and my heart sank like it hadn’t in years. How many times had I imagined I would see that same color when I looked at my daughter? How many nights had I spent crying, thinking about the only man I had ever known who had eyes like those?

“Let me go!” the little boy whimpered, thrashing around violently to try to escape my grasp “You’re not going to stab me again! I don’t want to!” That cry, the kind of fearful and innocent that I heard every day, was like a slap in my face, bringing me back to reality.

Get yourself together, Eden. It was just a pair of blue eyes. Connor was nowhere to haunt me, other than in my own mind.

“Hey, it’s okay…” I patted his back, trying to calm him down “No one here wants to give you a shot. They’re too scary.”

“You can’t fool me.” He sniffed and something about his pouty expression reminded me of Connor in his childhood, but I pushed that thought away. “You’re going to want to stick me too!”

“Oh, no. Actually, I’m just here for the toys.” I winked, pointing toward the colorful playroom we had at the end of the hallway. “They have cars and costumes in that room, but I especially like the arcade. There’s an extra-scary ghost game there. Only the big kids can finish it. I hope I get there someday.” I sighed theatrically, pretending not to notice how his eyes had lit up.

“My Dad said I could play there…” he murmured hesitantly “But I have to let the doctors… Eczamine me…” he said the word slowly and I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing at his misspoke “But I don’t want to! They always want to poke me and make me swallow bitter medicine!”

“Oh, that’s really bad. Only those who have been cleared by the doctors are allowed to play in the arcade.” I pretended to think for a moment “Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t you let me talk to your doctor? I know where they keep the candy that makes the bad medicine taste good.” I whispered in his ear, in a secretive tone. “They say that if you behave, they might even give you two chocolates.”

“Really?” his face brightened, but as if he was trying to force himself to be pragmatic, he tried to hide it by puffing out his chubby cheeks. “I… I’ll go with you. But if you’re lying about the sweets, I’ll hate you forever!”

“Sounds fair.” I smiled and, after another second of hesitation, he accepted to hold my hand, his blue eyes wide as if he wasn’t used to this “Come on! Where’s your doctor and your Dad?”

“There. They’re talking about why it always hurts here.” He pointed to the office 145 and then to his chest. 

“I see.” I smiled at the adorable little angel, happy that he was apparently my new patient, even though looking into his eyes still made my heart ache a little, too “They say blueberry lollipops are really good for that kind of pain. I’ll be sure to get you a handful of them…”

I was in the middle of that sentence when we walked through the door of the room together, and my smile immediately died. 

For a moment, I thought my imagination might just be playing tricks on me. Playing a terrible trick on me after visiting Annie's grave and then meeting the eyes of that little boy. But the seconds passed and, even so, he remained there, sitting at the table, across from Dr. Kowalski. 

The father my daughter never had. The man who had left me broken, but who I had never been able to forget.

Connor.