I Chose My Dignity

I woke to silence.

The silence is almost deliberate, like the pause before judgement.

I twist my wrist and to my greatest surprise they’re free.

That’s the first thing I notice.

The freedom from the bondage.

The second thing I notice is him and my body jerks in response.

Malachi was standing a few feet away from where I laid. He had his arm crossed and posture rigid.

His features didn’t appear soft the way they did before. 

His eyes are clear from whatever trance they were in last night, whatever crowded them to the point of darkening was gone.

He eyed me down to up, like I was something foul that had wandered too close to his throne.

“Good, you’re awake.” He said flatly.

I tried my best to push myself upright, but my heart kept pounding.

My body felt normal now, no scorching heat, no pull, just exhumation and a dull ache in my lower back and legs.

As if reading my mind Malachi spoke first. 

“The rut passed.”

His voice was void of every form of emotion. 

He sounded like a king about to pass out judgment and that scared me more than how he was yesterday.

“So what does that mean…”

“Leave.” He cut me off immediately.

Something in my stomach twisted.

“What? You can’t do that….we bounded last night.”

He frowned deeply. “A mistake. It was nothing more than an activity bred out of lust. I do not want anything to do with a woman like you.”

“What does that mean?” For some reason I felt bold, whether it was the mate bond or the fact that my wolf was alive and restless, I don’t know. 

But what I do know is the fact that I will not be discarded like that.

Like how Julian and Lydia had ridiculed me.

He stood straight as he held eye contact with me, and as he spoke he didn’t blink, not even once.

“I, Malachi Frost, Alpha king of Eternal Winter, reject—“

“No!” I yelled. “You can’t do that, you can’t reject me just like that. I demand a reason, I demand to know why!”

I refuse to believe I was used merely to satisfy him in rut.

Even though that was the intent, it felt like everything changed the moment he went into me. I could feel it, the way our breath synced, the way he held onto me for dear life.

We didn’t just mate, it felt like an eternal bond.

“Enough!” Malachi snapped. “I did nothing I cannot justify under instinct. But now the instinct is gone.”

He stepped closer trying to make me shake, but I didn't move.

“I wasn’t thinking straight, like I had earlier mentioned, but as the morning came to be, so did my senses, and now I know you for who you are, the wolfless wolf. My nephew’s mate.”

Nephew? 

“Julian is…”

“And you knew about this yet you deceived me, you laid with me knowing fully well I was your mate’s uncle.” He frowned.

“That is not true, you didn’t give me a chance to speak or defend myself. And Julian never mentioned an uncle…” I tried to explain but he didn’t listen.

She shakes his head. “I don’t care for your explanation now.” He walked to the corner of the tent and grabbed a bag.

He threw the bag at me and a few of its contents splayed out.

Gold, jewelries, precious stones and rubies.

“Take it, it’s more than enough to keep you till you find a place that’ll accept you because I will never accept you. You will never be accepted here.” He spoke with so much hate and distaste that it made my wolf cry out in agony.

“You will leave this territory before sunset,” he continued. “And you will not speak of what occurred here to anyone.”

Something in me snapped hearing him talk to me like I was a common piece of rag, like last night was really, like this bond pulling between us wasn’t alive.

My gaze lowered to the pouch of wealth before me and then it settled on him.

“I don’t need your gold or rubies, I will survive on my own.” 

Everywhere was silent before he spoke again.

“You will take it.” He ordered.

I finally gathered enough strength to stand on my feet.

I tried my best to push down whatever pain claws at my throat, I tried to suppress whatever need I might have to be by his side.

“I am grateful for your mercy, king Malachi, but I will not accept it.”

His eyes narrowed slightly.

“Why?”

My voice trembled but I forced the words out of my mouth either way.

“Because I had already lost everything before, I don’t plan on losing my dignity as well.”

He held my gaze with that same biting intensity he had yesterday and at that moment I thought he was going to change his mind or force me to take the pouch.

Instead, he exhaled through his nose.

“Very well then.”

I bowed deeply, even though all I wanted to do was scream and beg him to accept me, to take me. 

“Thank you.” 

I thanked him not because I felt like I needed to, but because he had indeed done something for me.

He had unknowingly awakened the wolf in me everyone plus myself thought was never there.

“I, Vespera Solari, accept your rejection.”

I stepped back, head still bowed trying my best to avoid eye contact.

I turned and walked away from their camp.

I don’t even dare look back once.

And as I cross the border to the wildlands—lands unknown—a thought settled in my head:

One day they would realize what they had casted out and I will make sure it’s already too late for them.