Chapter 1

JOANNA

“I'm sorry, Mrs Clifford. You can't have babies…” The Doctor’s words rang in my ears like a drum,my heart jumping.

The air seemed to have been sucked out of her office, leaving me gasping for breath. My eyes welled up with tears as I stared at the doctor, my mind reeling with the weight of her words.

"What...what … ?" I stuttered, my voice barely above a whisper. I felt a lump form in my throat as I struggled to comprehend what she had just said. I can't have babies? When that has been my dream all along.. I wanted to have as many babies as I could and give them the love I didn't get to receive from my mother because she died early.

The doctor's expression softened, and she leaned forward, her hands clasped together. "Mrs. Clifford, I'm afraid you're experiencing premature menopause. Your hormone levels are...well, they're not what we'd expect for someone of your age."

I felt a wave of numbness wash over me. Premature menopause? But I was only 26! How could this be happening to me? I didn't plan for it. My three-year marriage anniversary was tomorrow and I haven't conceived for once in all these while. I decided to run a test just to receive the most baffling news of my life: I can't have babies. Will Asher finally leave me when he learns of my infertility? I thought I could make it possible to get pregnant, I loved Asher so much, I don't want to lose him.. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I thought about the possibility of him leaving me.

“Doctor, can't anything be done about it? I can…. can't have babies till I die??” I managed to ask, my voice unsteady.

“ I'm sorry, Mrs Clifford. That's what the test shows. As for now, there are no possible suggestions or cures” She responded and I let out a bitter chuckle, tightly clutching my purse, overwhelmed by the news.

I left the hospital, devastated, miserable. I couldn't think straight, I felt suffocated. My knees trembled and I couldn't even walk. I slumped in front of the hospital and hugged my knees, the doctor’s words ringing in my head repeatedly. I couldn't have babies, no matter what. The universe seemed to be punishing me for a crime I knew nothing about.

I couldn't help but cry..I cried so hard that I couldn't breathe. I wished the tears would take away this disease. I have gotten the lingeries I would wear tomorrow for our anniversary. I had seen a jewellery set I suspect Asher got for me. Now I can't even conceive. i couldn't make him a father, I couldn't give him anything. I was nothing but worthless.

After what seemed like forever, I stood up and wiped my tears, walking into my car as I drove home.

Even as I drove home, I wanted to stop crying. I wanted to force back my tears but they kept dropping. They kept flowing as if I had a stream in my eyes. It was as if my world was shattered into a million pieces.

After driving home, I went upstairs to take a shower since it was evening already. After taking my shower, I tried so hard to stop thinking about it but I couldn't, I just couldn't.

I went over to the kitchen to prepare a meal for Asher since he would be back soon.. Asher never ate my meals for the three years we had been married but I would always prepare dinner and breakfast with the hope that one day he would eat them.

When I was done, I set the table for dinner and patiently waited for him.

It didn't take so long for Asher to walk into the mansion, his eyes cold and distant as usual.

“Good evening,” I instantly stood from the dining chair, clasping my hands together.

“Good evening, Joanna…” He greeted me. Asher didn't treat me so badly but he was emotionally detached since we got married. After all, he never wanted this marriage.. But I wanted to protect him from losing his inheritance. We were best friends from childhood and my love for him had never changed.

I smiled brightly.. “I made you dinner. It's your favourite.” I muttered, my voice gentle. My heart drummed, waiting for his answer. Would he turn it down again?

“I told you to stop making dinners for me, Joanna.” He replied, his voice neutral.

I bit my lips, my heart clenching.

“Can't you try it out? It is your favourite and I put a lot of effort into making it, I …” My voice trailed off and he cut in the minute I stopped.

“Stop putting effort into meaningless stuff.. channel that energy elsewhere. I'm going up to shower..” He announced, his voice straight and my heart stopped. He began heading upstairs while pulling his tie.

I sighed, choking back a sob. I knew it. Why do I even wish each day would be different? I sobbed as I began throwing the dinner into the trash. In my own case, it wasn't best friend turned lovers, it was best friend turned enemies.

I washed my hands and headed upstairs. Will Asher treat me better if I told him I couldn't have babies. He knew right from time that it was my biggest dream..

I heard giggles when getting to the hallway that led to our room.. But it died down the moment I stepped inside. The atmosphere became a bit weird and Asher dropped his phone on the table, avoiding my gaze.. He stood up from the bed as if it suffocated him to be in the same space with me. I wonder who and what he was laughing at..

He began heading into the bathroom and I cleared my throat a bit,

“Asher. I …. Have something to tell you..” I began and he paused his steps, spinning to meet my gaze.

“What is it?” He asked, his hands going over to his suit jacket to unbutton them..

My throat dried up, telling him this was harder than I thought.

“I went for a test…” I started, slowly finding my voice.

Asher’s gaze peered into mine, waiting for the next thing I had to say.

“I have premature menopause, I can't have babies…” I finally muttered, swallowing a lump down my throat.

Asher sighed,

“ Too bad.” He muttered, his voice detached as he continued unbuttoning his shirt. Too bad? I just told him I had premature menopause, I can't have babies and all he could say to me was too bad. At least I expected comfort!

“Too bad?” I echoed, my voice trembling with emotions.

“You just have to accept it. You can't do anything about it. What do you want me to do? Ask God to take away your disease?” Asher quizzed, his tone chilly. A sharp pain pierced my heart. I wasn't expecting anything yet it hurt so much..

“What?”

“Oh please, Joanna. I had a long day. I'm going to shower first… it's not like I can fix it.” He spun around and finally stepped into the bathroom.. I slumped to the bed, sob rising, and I clamped my hand over my mouth to stifle it. Asher thinks I made his life miserable.

I didn't know how long I kept muffling sobs but I had to wipe my tears the moment I suspected he would be out of the bathroom.

My gaze darted to Asher's phone screen that lit up, a notification displaying on the screen as my world came crashing down. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. The message was from someone named Pookie , and the words made my heart ache.

(Pookie 🥰 :I have missed you so much Asher. I can't wait to be with you 😘)

I gasped, my eyes fixed on the screen as if I was staring at a ticking time bomb. Who was this person, and what did they mean to Asher?

My hands shivered as I picked his phone, trying to unlock it. Was Asher cheating on me? I have never thought of the possibility because he wasn't that kind of person but it seems I didn't even know him at all.

I tried a lot of passwords but couldn't open it, shit. I dropped his phone the moment I heard his footsteps drawing near..

I ran my hands over my hair feeling overwhelmed with emotions.

Asher walked towards my direction in his bathrobe and picked his phone. His hair was dripping with droplets of water that made him look so charming, my heart skipped.

Fuck, I can't believe I'm still so drawn to him like a little kid when he doesn't give a fuck about me.

Asher didn't say a word but walked to the wardrobe to pick his pyjamas. I watched him, my mind crowded with the possibility of him cheating on me? Could he? The thought alone made my heart quiver. I began biting my fingers in anxiety. Asher's cellphone rang while he was trying to pick a night wear and he picked it, heading outside the room..

A bitter laugh escaped my lips as I wondered what was going on. What secrets was Asher keeping from me? A growing sense of unease settled in the pit of my stomach, making my skin prickle with anxiety.

I quickly got up and followed him, my feet silent on the floor. But he was already heading out the door, leaving me to trail behind. I rushed to the living room window and peered out, my eyes scanning the scene outside, a car was leaving the gate.

My gaze searched for Asher, and my heart skipped a beat when I spotted him. My eyes widened in shock as I took in the scene, Asher was hugging a woman.