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33 ~ Poem

Author: Grace Kara
last update Last Updated: 2025-03-24 17:09:15

SAMANTHA

~

I'd been staring at the same page for twenty minutes, the words blurring together as my mind wandered to the conversation ahead. Four o'clock.

The garage. Rafael waiting for answers I wasn't sure I could give. didn't want to give.

"You look like you're planning a bank heist instead of reading Jane Austen," May commented, setting a mug of tea beside my bed. "Nervous about seeing Rafael?"

"That obvious huh?" I dog-eared the page and set the book aside. "I told him I'd explain everything today."

May's eyebrows shot up. "Everything? As in..."

"No, not everything," I clarified, wrapping my hands around the warm mug. "Just... something. I don't know what yet."

She perched on the edge of my bed, concern etched across her features. "Sam, you know I support whatever you decide to tell him. But are you sure you're ready for this conversation? Especially after yesterday's tests?"

The question hung in the air between us. Yesterday's pulmonary function tests had shown another f
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  • Dying to Love You   80 ~ Goodbye

    "I don't know how to do this," I confessed. "How to be here without you. How to wake up every morning knowing you won't be there. How to go through all the fucking motions of living when you're gone."I traced her name on the headstone, the letters cold and unyielding beneath my fingers. "But I promised. And you always said I never break my promises."It was true. In our decade of friendship and the few months as more than friends, I'd never once broken a promise to Sam. No matter how small or seemingly insignificant, if I said I'd do something, I did it. She'd trusted that about me completely."So I'll try..." I whispered. "I'll go to MIT like we planned. I'll build those robots we talked about. I'll look after Midnight."The mention of the cat brought a fresh wave of pain. Sam had rescued Midnight three years ago, a half starved stray who followed her home from the bakery. He'd become her shadow, seemingly aware of her illness in the uncanny way animals sometimes are. He'd curl up

  • Dying to Love You   79 ~ Why

    The quarry stretched before me, a gaping mouth of darkness swallowing the last traces of daylight. I folded Sam's letter carefully, tucking it into my jacket pocket, and walked to the edge of the cliff. Forty feet below, black water lapped against jagged rock, the same water where Sam and I had swum naked under the moon.I closed my eyes, feeling the emptiness yawn inside me. It would be so fucking easy. One quick turn of the handlebars, one moment of acceleration. Then nothing. No more ache. No more waking up to a world without her in it.I turned back to Persephone, my hand running along her sleek frame. Sam had named the motorcycle, claiming that since she sent me to the underworld regularly with my reckless driving, Persephone was the only appropriate choice. "Queen of the Underworld," she'd said, tracing the curves of the gas tank. "Beautiful but dangerous."Like Sam herself.I swung my leg over the seat, feeling the familiar vibration as the engine roared to life. The headlig

  • Dying to Love You   78 ~ Tears

    Sam's handwriting filled sheet after sheet, some portions written in her neat, careful script, others in a more hurried scrawl that I recognized from her bad days when breathing was difficult and concentration limited.{ My dearest Shade,If you're reading this, I'm gone. (Sorry for the cliché opening, but there's really no good way to start a letter like this)First, I want you to know how much I love you. Present tense, because even though I'm not there anymore, my love for you doesn't end just because I did. That's not how it works. Love doesn't disappear, it transforms. Maybe into memory, maybe into starlight, maybe just into the person left behind who carries it forward.I know you're angry right now. Angry at the world, at the disease, maybe even at me for leaving you. That's okay. I'd be furious too. Be angry. Throw things. Scream at the sky. Curse my name if you need to. I won't be offended, I promise.But don't stay there, Rafael. Don't let the anger harden into something per

  • Dying to Love You   77 ~ Final Words

    I considered telling him to go fuck himself, but the energy required seemed immense.Instead, I refilled my glass and followed him back into the living room.The next hour passed in a blur of meaningless conversations. I accepted condolences, nodded at stories about Sam, and drank steadily from both my glass and the flask. The alcohol dulled the edges of my consciousness but did nothing for the hollow ache in my chest."You doing ok?" Dr. Aaron asked, appearing at my side as I stared blindly out the back window."Fantastic," I replied flatly.He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I know there's nothing I can say. Just... we're all worried about you.""Don't be." I took another drink. "I'm fine.""Rafael — ""She suffered," I interrupted, the words tumbling out before I could stop them. "At the end, she was in pain. Even with the morphine. You didn't see it because she hid it when you were there, but I saw. I was there all night, every night. I heard her crying when she thought

  • Dying to Love You   76 ~ Grave

    I didn't cry during the funeral. Not when they lowered her casket into the ground. Not when May completely broke down during her eulogy. Not even when Midnight, who I'd somehow smuggled into the cemetery inside my jacket, escaped my grasp to paw at the fresh dirt covering Sam's grave.I felt nothing. A vast, echoing emptiness where my heart used to be.The cemetery was packed, Sam had touched more lives than she'd ever realized. Her classmates, regulars from the bakery, even teachers who remembered the brilliant girl who'd never let her 'asthma' hold her back. Dr Aaron stood stoically beside his wife Karen, who kept shooting concerned glances my way. Damien hovered nearby, uncharacteristically subdued in a borrowed suit. Jennifer had closed shop for the day, bringing her entire staff to pay respects.Even Marcus showed up, standing at a respectful distance with red-rimmed eyes. I couldn't bring myself to hate him anymore. Not when I'd seen his genuine grief when the trial medication

  • Dying to Love You   75 ~ Gone

    By the time I finished, tears were streaming freely down my face. Sam reached up, brushing them away with trembling fingers."That's the most beautiful thing anyone's ever written for me," she whispered.I shook my head, unable to speak through the knot in my throat."Rafael," she said, her voice suddenly stronger, demanding my attention. "Look at me please.."I met her gaze, those brown eyes still so vibrant in her pale face."I need you to promise me something.""Anything," I repeated, meaning it completely."Live," she said simply. "Not just exist. Not just go through the motions. Really live, enough for both of us."I started to shake my head, but she pressed a finger to my lips."You can do it," she insisted. "You're the strongest person I've ever known, even if you don't see it. Promise me you'll try.""I promise," I whispered against her finger, the words a covenant I wasn't sure I could keep but would die trying.She smiled then, soft and sad and somehow peaceful. "I'm tired,

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