c a t h e r i n e
The huge expanse of his chest occupied my vision. Had I not stopped abruptly, I would’ve clashed with him. My lips parted for a protest but his hand quickly landed on my forearm. His force was too strong. Before I could find the courage to look up at his face, he dragged me towards a far corner, leaving the busy tables behind.
While panting from our sudden drift, I managed to glance at him. Vernon’s intense glare was immeasurable in the shadows. And although the club is noisy, I could feel the violence of his sporadic breaths.
I felt too small under his gaze. I was frozen and tongue-tied, my head’s haywire and my heart a stone, I could not think nor feel anything. The humiliation, the fear, the regret-- all were too immense that I was left with numbness.
“What are you d
v e r n o n “Do you still like me?” Her question rang in my ears.I swallowed a bitter bile in my throat. How ironic is that, to ask me as if I’ve ever stopped. As I ever could.“No.” I said, staying eye to eye with the ceiling. My voice, deep and tremulous, almost revealed the unconcealable truth.No. I no longer like her. Like is too shallow a word compared to what I behold for her.“Oh, okay.” Catherine uttered too softly, unconcerned but almost dismayed.I took a sharp inhale. My chest’s a thousand-pound heavy. The atmosphere around is blanketed in intensity that I couldn’t gather my wits. Maybe it’s the sanguine luminescence in the red-dimmed room that is intended to be lusty but instead is waking all of my caged feelings for her. Red with her is not the color of lust nor danger or heat but of intense passion, and god knows how
v e r n o nWinter vacation in 11th grade, a common friend of mine, Junhoe, hosted a house party. The usual hype and chaos blared in his living room, his random guests were flooding in as the night loomed. It was cold and there was a warning of storm but it did not stop everyone’s thirst for booze, and perhaps some make out session. It’s the first day of vacation which explains everyone’s interest for a last get together.Junhoe was a senior who’s currently in 12th grade. He used to be Mark’s batch mate but since the former enjoyed being in 11th grade too much, he did not accelerate as him. It was also through Mark that we became friends.In his dimmed living room that was illumined by some Christmas lights, I stumbled upon Junhoe, automatically exchanging a fist bump.“Hey! Glad you’re here, Vernon. Beer?” He grabbed one from a nearby bucket which
c a t h e r i n eThe waiting shed was getting lonesome by the second.From the subway station, I walked my way to the nearby bus stop that leads to Jackson’s neighborhood. He said he’d pick me up here. But time is running fast, and the 5’o clock sun is vanishing, and a few people had passed by me; a few had left the waiting shed too, and now it’s all me—my patience getting smaller and my mind that’s beginning to wander in dangerous solace.From the bus that had stopped and left a new batch of strangers before my eyes, from the distant Daegu sun dying behind the mediocre establishments and the polluted city air passing with time, my eyes saw Vernon—and how he appeared earlier as he left me in the subway station.I couldn’t help but wonder what he meant by his words, under the spring trees before, his gaze of autumn held within them distant melanc
c a t h e r i n eI woke up from my trance when my phone rang. The memories of an unforgettable past dissipated in the air as I reached for my phone.“Lisa?” I answered.“Hey, where are you?” Lisa’s cheery tone competed with a noisy background.I didn’t get to reply immediately. It almost slipped my mouth that I was meeting with Jackson. I nearly forgot that they did not know about him.“We’re going to a karaoke bar. Come join us. You haven’t gone home, have you?”Pinching my temples, I shut my eyes tight. This is probably the third time this week that I am refusing to hang out with them.“I’m sorry, I went to my academy. I have a class today.”As always, I used the excuse of going to my cram school. I was enrolled in those supplementary classes before but I have stopped going for a year now. Most
Vernon“You really don’t remember the girl?”Mingyu exaggeratedly combed his hair. With a fed-up look on his face, he glanced at me.“I told you a hundred times. Which part of “I don’t remember” you did not understand?”I sighed and closed my locker door. I leaned on it instead as I watched Mingyu frantically unload his things. There is a drug inspection to be held next month and just in case there is a random inspection anytime soon that isn’t announced, we wiped our lockers clean for safety measures.“You sure there’s nothing left in yours?” Mingyu suspiciously eyed my locker.I scoffed. “I don’t keep drugs in there.”“Yeah, what’s this?” He jokingly grabbed something from my back pocket and brought up a sachet of marijuana.I glared at him and caught his hand down. It was his of
Forty OneVernonCatherine was gone again for our first classes. These days it seems like I’m becoming the more diligent student than she is. My eyes were glued to her vacant seat amid all the classes that she had missed. It always feels weird when she isn’t around. Her absence is too loud.I tried texting her but she wasn’t answering. So to gather a bit of information about where she is, I forced Mingyu to ask her friends about her.We were getting ready for lunch when he had the chance to ask Lisa. Mingyu blocked her on the doorway. I immediately heard the girl’s irritated tone. “What the hell?” Her low-pitched disgusted voice echoed in the now empty classroom.“What? You’re the one nearing me.” Mingyu replied archly.I nearly rolled my eyes. He just can’t go straight to the point, can’t he? He even leaned his arm on the door as he tower
v e r n o nThe realization dawned into me like nightmare coming true. My heart was hollowed, and my body froze for the ice-cold shiver that penetrated through my veins. Cruel thoughts raced through my head, and not the biggest effort could hide the venomous wrath that has dominated my body.“Are you okay?” Catherine’s soft whispers momentarily brought me back to sanity.At that very moment, I just wanted to destroy Jackson. The truth that I held begged to be freed. But as I looked at Catherine swimming in the shadows of the dark and worn-out bookshelf corner, her night-cloaked eyes holding me cautiously were the purest reflection of the sincerity that lies beneath her, I felt guilty.I could not lie to her. It’s terrible enough that her boyfriend lied to her. But I could also not be impulsive enough to say something that can change everything for her.She took another check o
c a t h e r i n eIt vexed me when Vernon called all of a sudden. He asked to meet in a haste despite the already late hour.It was only a good thing that I was alone in our house, and Jackson wasn’t around despite the fact that I’ve been inviting him a lot lately.Without further thoughts, I trailed the mounted roads and narrow alleyways that lead to the Good Day convenience store. The sight of it when I was a few steps away tugged at my heart string. There was something about it that would never fail to make me feel warm. Its huge name, which says "good day" greets every visitor, no matter their purpose of passing by, with almost an imaginary smile.Inside its glass walls, I saw the new part-time worker behind the counter. The tables were wide empty, and the pa