تسجيل الدخولI stopped trying to explain it to myself after a while.
Some things don’t need logic to exist. They just happen. Like rain on a sunny day. Like a song you suddenly remember without knowing why. Like Ashton Carter appearing in my thoughts when I was supposed to be thinking about his brother. It annoyed me more than I wanted to admit. A few days later, Adrian invited me to a private campus gathering. Not an official party just something his friends organized in one of the student lounges. “You’ll like it,” he said while tying his shoelaces. “Good music, good food, and me.” “That last part sounds biased.” He grinned. “It is.” I couldn’t refuse. Not because I was obligated, but because saying no to Adrian felt strangely unnecessary. He made everything sound light, easy, almost harmless. So I went. The lounge was louder than I expected. Music pulsed through the walls. Students filled every corner laughing, talking, moving like the room itself was alive. Neon lights reflected off glass tables, and the smell of mixed drinks and popcorn lingered in the air. Adrian immediately slipped his arm around my waist the moment we entered. “Stay close,” he said. “Don’t let anyone steal you.” I laughed. “I don’t think I’m something that gets stolen.” “That’s where you’re wrong.” He led me through the crowd like he belonged everywhere at once. People greeted him constantly. Some clapped him on the back. Others called his name. He responded to all of them effortlessly. And I followed beside him like a quiet shadow. At first, I didn’t notice anything unusual. Then I saw him. Ashton. Standing near the far wall, away from the noise. Not drinking. Not laughing. Just watching the room like he was studying it rather than participating in it. He wasn’t alone this time either. A couple of students hovered nearby, trying to engage him in conversation. He answered minimally, politely detached. Adrian noticed my pause. “What?” he asked. “Nothing.” But my eyes had already lingered too long. Adrian followed my gaze. “Oh,” he muttered. “Him again.” I turned quickly. “You say that like it’s a problem.” “It is a problem when he looks like he’s judging everyone.” “He’s not judging anyone.” Adrian raised a brow. “You’re defending him again.” “I’m not defending him.” But even I didn’t believe that anymore. We moved further into the lounge. Adrian got pulled into a conversation with his teammates, leaving me momentarily alone near the snack table. That’s when someone stepped beside me. I didn’t need to look to know who it was. Ashton’s presence felt different. Not loud like Adrian’s. Not attention seeking. Just there. “You followed him here too?” I asked before thinking. Ashton glanced at me. “I didn’t know you were assigned to him everywhere he goes.” That made me huff a small laugh. “I’m not assigned to anyone.” “Interesting. Because you look like you are.” I frowned slightly. “You talk like you’re always analyzing people.” “I am.” “Is that a habit or a personality trait?” “Both.” That was the most honest thing I’d heard from him. We stood near the table for a moment. The noise around us felt distant, like we were slightly separated from it. “You don’t like crowds?” I asked. “I don’t like noise pretending to be meaning.” I blinked. “That sounded deep.” “It wasn’t meant to be.” I smiled despite myself. “Then you’re naturally intense.” His gaze shifted toward me briefly. “And you’re naturally observant.” I didn’t know why that compliment felt different from Adrian’s. It just did. Adrian eventually returned, wrapping an arm around me again. “There you are,” he said. “I was looking for you.” “I was right here.” He kissed my temple. “Did Ashton bother you?” The question came too casually. It almost felt rehearsed. “No,” I said quickly. “We just talked.” Adrian’s expression didn’t change, but something in his eyes sharpened for a fraction of a second. Then it was gone. “Good,” he said. “Don’t let him drag you into his weird mood.” “He’s not weird,” I replied before I could stop myself. Adrian laughed. “Ava, trust me. I know my brother.” That sentence should’ve been simple. But it wasn’t. Because something about the way he said my brother felt heavier than it should have. Later, the music shifted into something slower. Couples began pairing off across the room. Adrian pulled me into a dance without warning. “You don’t dance often,” he said. “That obvious?” “Very.” I let him guide me easily. His movements were confident, familiar. Everyone in the room seemed to move around us naturally, like we were part of the same rhythm. But halfway through, my eyes drifted again. And I saw Ashton. He was still at the edge of the room. Still not participating. But this time, he wasn’t looking at the crowd. He was looking at me. Not Adrian. Me. My breath caught slightly. For a second, I forgot I was dancing. Adrian noticed my distraction. “What is it again?” he asked, tightening his hold slightly. “Nothing,” I whispered. But I wasn’t sure anymore. Because Ashton’s gaze didn’t move away immediately. It stayed. Long enough to feel intentional. Long enough to feel like a question I didn’t understand. Then, finally, he looked away. And I suddenly felt colder than I had a moment before. After the party, Adrian insisted on walking me back. The night air was quiet, a sharp contrast to the chaos we had just left behind. He held my hand loosely, swinging it slightly as we walked. “You had fun, right?” he asked. “Yes,” I lied automatically. He stopped walking. “What?” I asked. “You hesitated.” “I didn’t.” “You did.” I sighed softly. “It was fine. I just got distracted sometimes.” “By what?” I hesitated. “I don’t know,” I finally said. “Just thoughts.” Adrian studied me for a moment. Then he smiled again, like the moment had never mattered. “Next time, I’ll keep you closer,” he said lightly. I nodded. But something inside me didn’t fully settle. That night, after I got home, I couldn’t sleep. Not because of noise. Not because of stress. But because every time I closed my eyes, I saw two versions of the same face. One warm. One distant. One easy to love. One impossible to ignore. And I hated that my mind couldn’t decide which one felt more real. Because deep down, I already knew something I wasn’t ready to admit. I didn’t just meet Ashton Carter. I noticed him. And noticing him felt like the beginning of a problem I hadn’t signed up for.I have always been better at staying quiet than explaining myself. Silence, to me, is not absence. It is control. It is distance. It is the only thing that never asks for permission or understanding. People assume silence means emptiness, but they are wrong. Silence holds everything I refuse to give away.Adrian has always been the opposite of me. Where I withdraw, he expands. Where I observe, he performs. Where I calculate, he feels too loudly. It is not admiration or resentment that defines that difference between us. It is history. Shared blood does not guarantee shared direction. We learned that early, long before either of us understood what we were becoming.I was the first born, though that detail has never mattered much to anyone except the people who like structure. Adrian came minutes later, but he arrived like he belonged to the world more than I did. Even as children, he was easier to notice. Easier to love. Easier to understand. I learned quickly that attention was not so
I didn’t mean to hear it. That was the truth I held onto when everything else started to feel uncertain. Some things you stumble into without intention, and once you hear them, you can’t pretend they were never spoken.It happened late in the afternoon, after classes had ended and most students had already left campus. I was heading toward the administrative building to return a borrowed file for one of my lecturers when I noticed Adrian’s voice ahead of me. He wasn’t alone. There was someone else speaking with him, but I couldn’t see who at first. I slowed down instinctively, not because I was trying to listen, but because something in his tone felt different from the usual ease he carried everywhere. It was lower, more controlled, like he was trying to keep something contained.Then I heard another voice. Ashton.I stopped walking completely.I wasn’t hidden, not really, but I was far enough down the corridor that they hadn’t noticed me yet. Their conversation was just around the co
I kept telling myself I was in control. That nothing about my life had truly changed. That whatever was happening inside my head was just overthinking, nothing more than stress twisting ordinary moments into something heavier than they were meant to be. Adrian made that easier to believe because he was steady in a way that didn’t leave room for doubt. He showed up, he stayed, he loved without hesitation. That kind of certainty should have been enough to silence everything else. But it didn’t.That morning, Adrian picked me up earlier than usual. He had a way of appearing in my life like he was already part of it, like boundaries were only suggestions. He leaned against his car when I stepped outside, watching me approach with that familiar half smile.“You look like you didn’t sleep,” he said as soon as I reached him.“I slept,” I replied.“Badly then.”I didn’t argue. He was right, but I wasn’t ready to admit it out loud.He opened the passenger door for me and waited until I got in
I didn’t plan to go out that night. It started like most evenings were starting to feel lately, quiet, ordinary, and slightly unsettled in a way I couldn’t explain. Adrian had told me earlier that he would be busy with team practice and that I should rest, but rest was becoming a strange concept because every time I closed my eyes, my thoughts refused to cooperate. So when one of my classmates invited me to a small night gathering near campus, I said yes without thinking too much about it. I told myself I just needed distraction, something normal, something that didn’t involve overthinking anything. Adrian texted me before I left, asking where I was going, and I replied honestly. He didn’t like it at first, but he eventually said to be careful and to call him when I got back. That was the thing about Adrian, he trusted me even when he didn’t fully like the situation, and that trust always made me feel like I owed him stability in return. The gathering was held in a rooftop space above
If someone asked me what being with Adrian Carter felt like, I would have said it was easy. Not the kind of easy that comes from lack of effort, but the kind that makes you forget effort is even required. He made things feel smooth, predictable, warm in a way that slowly wrapped itself around your daily life until you stopped questioning it. At least that was what I kept telling myself.That morning, Adrian showed up at my apartment earlier than usual.“I brought breakfast,” he announced proudly, holding up a paper bag like it was a trophy.“You’re acting like you cooked it yourself,” I said, stepping aside so he could come in.“I paid for it myself. That counts.”I shook my head, smiling despite myself.He walked straight into my kitchen like he belonged there, placing everything on the counter and opening drawers without asking.“You’re too comfortable here,” I said.“You’re too slow to stop me.”“That’s not how consent works.”He paused for a second, then grinned. “Noted.”I leaned
It started with something small. The kind of thing you ignore because it doesn’t seem important enough to question.A missed glance. A thought that lingered a little too long. A name that kept appearing in places it shouldn’t.Ashton Carter.I told myself it meant nothing. Just curiosity. Just adjustment. Just the mind reacting to something unfamiliar.But the problem with ignoring something is that it doesn’t disappear. It only learns to stay quieter.Adrian noticed I was off again.He always noticed.We were walking across campus after my morning class when he suddenly stopped in front of me.“You’re doing it again,” he said.I blinked. “Doing what?”“That thing where you’re here but not here.”I forced a small laugh. “I’m literally walking beside you.”“That’s not what I mean.”He stepped closer, tilting his head slightly like he was trying to read something behind my face.“Talk to me,” he said.“I am talking to you.”“You know what I mean, Ava.”The way he said my name made it so







