Prologue

“STOP!”

The word came out like a strangled cry. It didn’t even seem to belong to me. My baby sister was in my arms, and Mom was nowhere to be seen. She must still be in the garage. Didn’t she hear me scream?

“I said leave her alone! You can’t grab her like that!” I tried as best as possible to make my voice firm, but its wavering gave me no power over Richard, who was potato bagging my other sister—Kristine, on his shoulder. I saw his gigantic hands on Kris’s thighs. They dug into her skin, and I knew those would leave bruise marks later. I was sure about it.

My new little sister, Gabby, was a crying mess in my arms. Nothing seemed to soothe her.

I snuggled her close to my body, trying to shelter her from the screaming, thrashing, and banging. My stepfather kept climbing the stairs, and I never left his heels.

Richard looked like a demon. His face was contorted as if in pain and fury. His eyes almost bulged, and a slight vein near his temple looked like a worm wriggling underneath.

Everything appeared unreal, like something you would see in a horror movie. I asked myself what a fifteen-year-old teenager could do against such a man, and I miserably determined I couldn’t do much.

Kris was squirming on Richard’s shoulder, making him lose his balance. They both crashed into the wall. He squeezed tighter on her legs, and she stopped shifting her weight on him, muffling a cry.

Richard opened the door to his bedroom, stomped in, and threw Kris on the bed, hurrying out of the room to hold the doorknob close.

Gabby was screaming in my ears. I hugged my baby sister close and stared Richard right in the eye. Who was that man? I had never seen him so mean, cruel, or evil. There had been hard times in the past months, but our stepfather never abused us like this, unlike today.

I could hear Kris knocking on the door and crying on the other side.

“Let her out! You can’t throw someone in a room and lock them in!” My words started coming out like vomit.

Richard’s eyes became bulgier than before.

I backed away to the opposing wall. Cold sweat started prickling my neck when Richard lurched his free hand towards me and grabbed a fistful of my front shirt. It came with such force that my head was pushed back and hit the wall before being dragged closer to him.

I could see words forming in Richard’s mouth, but a dazed feeling overcame me. Blood rushed in my ears, and after many extremely long seconds, I became aware of commands being barked at me.

“Give me my baby!” He kept repeating.

I tried to turn around, but his grip on my shirt was too firm. If I tried harder, he’d surely rip it. Richard finally let go of the fabric but quickly caught my arm. His grip was like a vise. It kept getting firmer and tighter. It was so strong that I thought his hand was on fire, and my skin sizzled underneath.

Tears lurked in the back of my throat, and my body shivered. I couldn’t give him the baby, not like this. He’d hurt her… or worse.

The door connected to the garage opened and closed. I could hear my mother’s jiggling keys and the plop of her coat in the entryway. Kris bashed more ferociously on the door, and I listened to our mother climbing the steps. The sound of her feet went faster as Kris kept battering the entrance to the master bedroom.

“Give her to me!” Richard repeated. This time, the nail of his thumb cut the inside of my arm.

“Mom! Mom, we’re up here. Hur─” My words were cut short by Richard violently shaking me and throwing me against the wall.

Mother was running up the stairs two at a time, and disbelief was apparent in her eyes when she finally saw the entire scene. This was the man she had shared almost 5 years with. A man with whom she now shared a child.

At the sight of my mother, I tried to escape Richard’s iron hold. When I was unsuccessful, I saw Mom become furious. I had never seen her look as mad as she did. This was another mother completely. But the look changed slightly afterwards. It was as if she was calculating probabilities in her mind.

“Honey, just give him Gabby,” she clipped. “Where’s Kristine?”

She had the deadly calm voice she used only on rare occasions, just like a great calm before a thunderstorm. Now, I was scared.

“You can’t mean that! I can’t just give her to him. Mom, he’ll hurt her….” I said desperately, pleading.

Mother just gave me that look, and so I resigned. My lips started quivering, and the numbness kept creeping everywhere on my skin.

I pointed to the door with my nose. “Kristine’s in there.”

Mother dashed past Richard and me. She opened the door quickly but hit something at the base. Kris was kneeling in front of the door and hadn’t had time to move from it when our mother swung it open.

She grabbed Kristine’s arm and helped her get on her feet. Hot tears were flowing down her little face and nose.

I didn’t have time to give Gabby to Richard. The man simply plucked the baby out of my arms ferociously. I gasped when I saw the baby’s head jerk right to the left.

“She’s only three months old.” I tried to get her back, but I faced a towering man. “You can’t hold a baby like that!”

On a good day, Richard was a beautiful, tall, and muscular man who made women swoon in his presence. But right now, he was far from the likes of a Caravaggio painting and looking more like the devil himself, with his face all twisted up and baring his teeth.

“Let him have her, Liv. We’ll come back for her with the police.”

There was something in how she said the words that didn’t seem right. It was as if she said those words slowly, purposefully, and with meaning, and they shook Richard. He sprang the baby back into my arms and backed away from us.

Baffled and not entirely understanding what had just occurred, I turned around in a daze and followed Mom and Kris down the narrow steps and into the garage.

My heart was racing.

I needed to put Gabby in her car seat before Richard charged in again.  Deftly, I pushed the straps in the lock and ensured everything was secure. I then opened the front passenger door of the RAV and slid into the front seat, buckling myself up. My movements were almost mechanical. I couldn’t feel my body anymore.

Gabby was howling, but I only heard it as a muffled buzzing sound.

I knew barely that my mother and Kris had each closed their doors and that the car started moving backwards.

I looked down at my hands. My palms had dried blood on them. Tiny half-moons were embedded in my skin and had already started crusting. I didn’t remember doing it, so it must have happened while Richard had the baby.

When we finally reached the end of the street, I let go of a breath I didn’t even know I was holding and felt immensely cold. It was as if someone had dipped me in frozen water.

I realized I didn’t have my winter coat on. It was still in the house. I must have forgotten to grab it before dashing into the garage.

I pushed the temptation of looking back at the house. If I looked, it scared me to think I might see my screaming stepfather running after us, and who knew what would happen then?

I focused on the heavy snowflakes hitting the car’s windshield. It worked, but I still felt the heaviness and fear inside my heart.

Mother was driving toward the highway and sped up. I knew she was trying to leave this place quickly so we would be safe.

Mom asked me if I was alright after I felt her hand on my cheek. I had unconsciously been weeping and cradling my ribs, which were sore from when Richard shoved me against the wall. I wiped the tears out of my eyes, and as my vision became clearer, I screamed as a car in the opposite direction collided with us. It took only a few seconds of distraction from my mother for another tragedy to occur.

My body propelled forward and was jerked backwards in full force when the airbag deployed. Then, the entire world turned dark.

******

Every night was the same. I woke up drenched in sweat after the nightmare car crash, with my heart hammering inside my chest.

I could never help the tears streaming down my face or the soaked pillow under my head. Gripping fear paralyzed me in my bed, where I sobbed uncontrollably.

That dream became a painful reminder that I survived while my siblings and mother didn’t. And it was all my fault….

The most frustrating part was that I didn’t understand why I was given a second chance.