CHAPTER 4

Alice

It was settled. Carolyn was the weapon fashioned against me. Nobody could tell me otherwise because tell me why she was parading herself as the good person in front of Charles.

I didn’t have to hear her voice to know she was already inside Charles’s study. The door wasn’t completely closed, it was still slightly open just enough for me to hear what they were saying from the hallway.

I just came down to have a glass of water, minding my business because my throat had been dry since I woke up plus the medicine I took left a bitter taste in my mouth.

But something stopped me in my tracks as I was passing by—I heard my name.

“…I really don’t know what I did wrong.”

Her voice sounded so harmless and soft as if she couldn’t hurt a fly. I stayed where I was and I didn’t know if that was the right decision. Maybe I should’ve just walked away but something inside me refused to move.

“I’ve honestly tried Charles,” she went on and I could already picture the fakeness on her face whenever she wanted people to pity her.

“Ever since I moved into the house, I’ve been trying to make Alice feel comfortable but it’s like everything I do makes her angry. She keeps looking at me like she hates me.”

Silence.

My heart thumped nervously in my chest as I waited for his response.

Then Charles sighed. “I expected this.”

Wait, what? Expected what exactly? That I would welcome her with open arms? His answer made me rethink standing in the hallway, but Carolyn spoke again before he could say anything else.

“I don’t blame her, I really don’t. This situation is not easy for her and I understand, it’s just that I’m concerned.”

The irritation on my face knew no bounds at the moment.

“That’s not an excuse.” Charles’s voice was calm, but I knew him better than that. “I know Alice. I knew she would react like this, I just thought that she would be more mature about it.”

I almost laughed. Did he really know me though? Was it childish to feel hurt that your husband had another woman pregnant after telling you he wasn’t interested in having children? Was it childish to feel hurt when the other woman moved into your house and you had to be okay with it? Was it childish to feel hurt because your husband wanted a child with another woman and not you?

Maybe I was childish then.

Carolyn sighed a little. “Please don’t be angry with her because of me.”

“I already told you this is not your fault.”

“No, Charles…”

“It isn’t.”

There was a short silence before he continued. “I made this decision, I knew exactly what I was doing. I just couldn’t continue watching her ruin herself.”

I heard some shuffling, then Carolyn’s voice. “What do you mean?”

Of course, she knew what he meant. We all do. I still remember it like it was yesterday. The miscarriage five years ago. Carolyn became our family doctor and I just didn’t think she would try to sink her claws into my marriage like this.

Charles went on. “Five years ago, I remember carrying her to the hospital.”

The memory came rushing back before I could do anything to stop it. The blood, the pain, the agony, the bright hospital lights, the doctor telling us our baby was gone. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. I could remember waking up every night screaming because I thought I could still feel my baby moving. I remember Charles staying with me without blinking in the hospital for three days straight.

I remembered him holding my hands.

What happened to us?

“When she lost that baby…” Charles went on quietly, “I almost lost her too.”

Yes, I remembered as well. That was when all the complications started, that was when I started taking endless medications because for some unknown reason, my body was failing me. Charles didn’t want me to have a baby anymore and more drugs were added to make sure that happened.

The treatments lasted for months. Months? Try years. The injections, the medicine, the endless appointments in the hospital. Nothing seemed to work. The steroids had even changed my body until I couldn’t recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I remembered standing in front of my wardrobe one afternoon because none of my dresses fit anymore.

I remembered asking Charles if I looked beautiful. He smiled and kissed my forehead, saying I’ll always be his wife. Back then I thought that meant I was still beautiful to him. Now, I wasn’t so sure anymore. Even his parents didn’t want me to marry him, they didn’t want him to stay with me, they said he was spending too much on me and I wasn't worth it.

“Good thing is, there’s a solution now,” Charles's voice cut through my thoughts.

“You’re carrying my child, my parents get their grandchild, but Alice remains my wife.”

I held my breath, my stomach twisting into a heavy knot. I don’t know if that was supposed to make me feel better, but it didn’t. Was that really how simple it looked in his head? One woman carried his baby and the other one stayed at home as his wife. Everything was solved? As if we were discussing a business contract instead of people’s lives.

And there was this tense silence that followed, as if Carolyn was processing the fact that Charles said I was still his wife.

Then Carolyn asked a question. “But what if… Alice leaves?”

The silence that followed was ear-shattering. I held my breath, clutching my top over my chest as my heart hammered against my ribs.

After a while, he replied.

“She won’t.”

“How are you so sure?”

“Because she has nowhere else to go. I paid for all her treatments, every surgery, every hospital admission. She knows that. I will always protect her, so she will definitely not leave. And I’m not that kind of man.”

​A cold, slow smile crept onto my face.

​He actually thinks he owns me or thought my silence was a weakness. He thought his money was a chain keeping me locked to his side. He had no idea that every dollar he boasted about spending on me was about to become the very debt he would spend the rest of his life regretting.

This one hurt me more than any words could have ever hurt me. Yes, he had paid, I would never deny that and I would be forever grateful. But was I supposed to spend the rest of my life paying him back by accepting another woman in my marriage?

Inside the study, I heard the sudden scraping of a chair against the floor. Someone was moving toward the door.

​I turned and headed toward the staircase before they could open the door and notice me. But just as I reached the safety of the stairs, the door clicked open.

​I looked back over my shoulder.

My eyes met Charles’s for a split second, but he looked right through me…. Maybe he thought I was just throwing another quiet tantrum.

​I didn’t say a word, and maybe that was for the best. Because if Charles had actually looked, really looked, into my eyes at that moment, he would’ve seen that his wife wasn’t angry anymore. ​She was beginning to disappear.

Charles wasn't my husband anymore; he was an obstacle standing between my child and a chance at life.

When I returned to my room, I was certainly not going to sit on the edge of the bed feeling sorry for myself again. I walked straight to my wardrobe, pulled out my suitcase, and started folding my clothes.