Chapter 7- Goodbye for now

“Should we go? I don’t want to keep you any longer” Gabriel says standing he takes a large gulp of the rest of his drink. I look at him a little confused, his emotions switch up so much he’s starting to give me whiplash. He walks behind my chair and gently pulls it out gently as I stand up, I reach for my purse and stand next to him. I lean back so I can see his face and I am instantly reminded of how tall this man is. I am wearing the tallest stilettos I own and they are tall and he still makes me look tiny. My eyes go from his eyes to his mouth and for a moment I want to kiss him and I can tell he’s waiting for me to but I chicken out.

“I should go, if I want to function at work tomorrow,” I say more to myself than to him. Being around him is confusing to say the least but I like his vibe, there’s something about being around him that makes sense to me. Right here standing next to him I suddenly understand what he meant when he said he’s drawn to me. I can feel the light zap of electricity between us but deep down I know stuff like this never works. It feels good and the idea of it is intriguing and exciting even but it never works. There is just so many things to consider that it’s not worth even getting into. Even for a night.

He smiles and shakes his head slightly as if clearing his head. I smile back at him because when he smiles I want to smile too. He offers me his hand and I look at it and then at him for a short moment. He waits saying nothing and I look back at his hand and place mine in his. Then he starts walking in front of me and we make our way through the tables filled with people. He occasionally looks back at me to see if I’m alright. At one moment I see him looking at my feet, at the stilettos I am wearing. I want to tell him I’m alright, I can run a mile in these things but I don’t; all I do is smile and hope he takes that as a sign that I’m okay. We make our way to the front of the restaurant and he stops in front of the cash register and hands the attendee his card.

“You good?” he says to me while we wait. I nod and say nothing further. After he’s done paying the bill he offers me his hand again and we walk out of the restaurant.

“Where are you parked?” He asks when we step out into the cool night. I point to the right in the parking lot and we start walking in that general direction in silence. I look up at the stars. I haven’t been out past 7 in so long I had forgotten how magical the night can be. Tonight the stars are out shining brightly, which is odd because in Gauteng the stars are never this bright. Too many street lights, cars and pollution but today the stars are bright.

“What a beautiful night,” I say out loud and his hand tightens around mine but he says nothing. His touch says so much it scares me that I can feel that much from him. I push away my thoughts and start walking in the direction of my car, I let go of his hand and start fishing for my car keys in my purse. I find them unlock my car and walk to the door. I open it and place my purse on the seat, I turn around and look up at him.

“Thank you for allowing me to spend time with you, doubts and all,” he says smiling.

“I’m glad I came, I had fun and I needed to get out so thank you for inviting me,” I say smiling back at him, his contagious smiling doing its magic again.

“It was my pleasure and thank you for trusting me; it means a lot,” he says as he leans in for a hug, I hug him back. We stay like that for a minute and say nothing. Then he let’s go and steps back, I turn open my car door get in and then open the window . He steps closer, and closes the door.

“Goodbye for now,” he says and steps back, I start the car, put my seat belt on, and put the car in reverse. I drive away feeling so torn, I don’t want to leave but I know I have to. How can I feel such a connection to him? I don’t know him. I just know him as Gabe, Zan’s childhood friend. He was always that guy who came to our house and never spoke to his best friend’s kid sisters. I was never on his radar, I was always too young to hang out with the older kids anyway. I played alone and the older I got I found my own way alone. So this is all so confusing for me. Not so much that he’s interested in me but the fact that spending a few hours with him over drinks makes me feel like I have been missing so much by not spending time with him.

I think I have a problem, I need to speak to someone. I don’t attach to people and I can feel myself attaching to a man I don’t know. I instantly decide to stay away from him,  I was brave tonight and had a night to remember and nothing happened. He didn’t even touch me. That is confusing even more but I want nothing further from him. I hate doing that to people but for my sanity and well-being I’ll tell him I don’t want to see him anymore and he’ll understand. He’s a big boy he’ll be fine and I’m a big girl I know what’s best for me.

“I’m not seeing him again,” I say out loud so I can hear it