Chapter 3

Kyra POV

Toren is still sitting on the ground staring into the pool when I sit next to him, tucking my legs beneath me. The pool is heated, but no one's gone in yet. It's still early spring, so the air is a bit too cold for most people to want to swim. A few stray leaves are floating along the surface, and I like how peaceful they look, not going under the water, and not blowing away either. Just floating, weightless and effortless. I want to be a leaf.

I hand Tor the cold bottle and he takes it from me, using his keychain to pop the cap off.

"I thought you were mad at me." He takes a long drink before glancing sideways at me. 

I can see why Jason was scared of him. On the outside, Tor looks like a badass. He's a beast of a man, not an ounce of fat on him, broad and hard as a rock with ink covering both arms from neck to knuckle. Wavy brown hair falls to the tops of his shoulders.

It’s usually tied back in a short ponytail to keep it out of his face when he's working and from tangling up when he's riding. He notoriously wears dark sunglasses to shade his even darker eyes, and his ride of choice is an old custom Harley that roars down the road so loud that you can barely hear yourself think if he's near. But on the inside, he's quiet. Thoughtful. Amazingly caring and giving. 

Unlike my dad, he's good looking in a rugged, almost scary way. Chloe has nicknamed him the walking orgasm. I think she's way too fixated on sex lately.

I put my bowl of fruit off to the side. 

"You know me better than that."

"I shouldn't have embarrassed you in front of your boyfriend."

He passes the bottle to me and I take a sip. I don't like the taste of beer at all but I take sips every now and then, thinking maybe someday that will change and I'll enjoy it like everyone else. Nope. It still tastes gross.

"He's not my boyfriend."

"Really? You were pretty excited about him a few weeks ago. I distinctly remElara a bunch of squealing and a happy dance when he asked you out."

Sighing with slight embarrassment over that colorful flashback, I hand the beer back to him, our fingers touching against the cold, damp bottle. 

"I was, until I got to know him. There's nothing there. I don't feel anything. There's nothing interesting about him. He's just... blah." I feign a shudder.

He laughs and shakes his head. 

"That shit must be contagious then. That's exactly what Lisa said to me a few days ago."

"You guys broke up?"

"We weren't really together, Kenz. Just kinda seeing where it was gonna go. Testing the waters."

I pick a big, juicy strawberry off my plate and bite it in half. 

"What did she say?"

He looks up at the sky for a moment before answering. 

"Well, let's see. She had a whole list, actually. She said I don't give enough. I don't communicate enough. I'm too cold and closed off. I'm too quiet. I work too much. I don't smile enough. I don't dress nice enough." He shrugs. "I've heard it all before."

"You're not cold, Uncle Tor. Not at all. You're just not the type to talk for the sake of talking. You talk when you have something to say. And maybe she's just mad because you're not saying what she wants to hear."

"Apparently I never have much to say, and it's never what they want to hear. She said pretty much the same things to me," he raises his chin and nods across the yard, his eyes zeroing in on Sydni, who's talking to my dad, her long fire-engine-red hair cascading down her back like a mermaid. 

Aunt Sydni is the bass player in my mom's band, and is my mom’s best friend. She's also been Toren's on-again-off-again girlfriend for the past twelve years or so. Mostly off.

But lately, I see her as the woman who's in love with my dad, and she isn't very good at hiding it.

Yes, welcome to the soap opera that is my life.

"Sydni said that too?" I ask.

"Sydni's said a lot of things over the years, but we both know what it all comes down to. I'm not him. I don't smile like him, I don't talk like him, I don't make her laugh like him, I'm not rich like him. I'll never be as good as him. Blah, blah, blah. To her I'm just a dirty mechanic who chases animals around." 

He gulps down his beer and I wish I hadn't given it to him.

"He doesn't want her, Uncle Tor," I say softly, trying to diffuse him. "He has zero interest in her other than as a friend."

"I know that. Fuck, everyone knows that. But it doesn't change how she feels."

"Maybe you two can work it out? It's been a few months since you broke up, maybe she feels different now. Sometimes you hafta lose something to appreciate it, ya know? She knows you were seeing Lisa. Maybe that made her open her eyes a little. Jealousy can be a great motivator."

A grin spreads across his face. 

"You're pretty smart, Kenz. But that ship has sailed and sunk. I don't want someone who's in love with someone else. Fuck that."

Agreed. 

"I don't blame you. You deserve way better than that. She's stupid."

It's hard to love so many people, want to see them happy, but also not like them for the things they do. My mom would be disappointed in Sydni for chasing after my dad and for making Tor feel like he's not good enough. 

I want to see my dad happy again, and while I admire him for staying committed to my mom, I wonder how long he'll torture himself by not letting himself move on. I don't want him to move on with Sydni, though. Not because I don't like her, I do. But because it's just too twisted. She's his wife's best friend and his best friend’s ex.

I live in a deep, dark, perplexing sea of people. Some might be starfish, and some might be sharks. I just bob along on my little raft, watching and learning.

Rubbing my bare arms, I pull my knees up to my chest and watch as my father walks away from Sydni and takes his acoustic guitar to the gazebo to join the others playing some old rock songs. She doesn't follow him. Good.

"Are you cold?"

"A little," I answered. "Just when the breeze blows it's kinda chilly."

He pulls off the gray hoodie he's wearing over his t-shirt and hands it to me. 

"Here, put this on."

I hesitate before accepting. 

"Then you'll be cold."

He frowns, like he's too cool to feel the chill. 

"I'm fine. Put it on."

Taking it from him, I slip it over my head, and shiver, but not from the cold. The heat from his body is still in the fabric of the sweatshirt, and it warms me like a hug. I push my hands through the sleeves that are way too long for me and roll up the cuffs.

"It's huge. But thank you."

"You look cute. Keep it. Add it to your growing collection."

Laughing, I lean against his shoulder and he rests his head against mine for a few seconds before pulling away to finish off his beer.

I've been hoarding Tor's things since I was a little girl. Mostly shirts, mugs, his old lighters, his faded denim jacket he wore in high school, a switchblade, some baseball caps, a leather belt, and other random stuff. I've taken all sorts of odd things that I fixated on and wanted to have, just because they were his. And he always let me have them.

He's been collecting parts of me, too. I just didn't know it yet.