Chapter 3 – Fear of Punishment

Chapter 3 – Fear of Punishment

“What is your name?” he asked, dominance was so clear and evident in his voice.

My eyes went to nowhere. Lost. I do not know the answer to his question. I was never given one. My father never named me and that family only called me with degrading words, filthy, dog, trash, and many more that I already forgot even though they had used it frequently for 16 to 17 years. At least what I only know about me was my birthday, because every time that day comes, everyone’s mood were sour and my works would get heavier, and they would not stop reminding me of how a being like me had to exist in this world.

“Answer me, doll. What’s your name?” the Alpha asked in a more warning tone as he held my chin to make me meet his eyes again.

His grip on my chin scared me of what he is going to do. Unconsciously, a tear escaped my eyes due to the fear that had risen in me.

“I-I am sorry, Alpha.” I apologize even though I did nothing wrong. My lips quivering at each word that I had uttered.

Maybe existing in this world was my mistake. Thriving to live was my wrong.

Why did I swim faster than the other sperm cells anyway? Why did I even have to win that race?

“You are not answering my question, doll.” His grip tightened on my chin, but his touch did not send me pain but a different shiver in my spine and tingles that crawls under my skin. However, my fear towards him was dominating everything of me.

I shook my head to answer him.

“Words, doll.” He uttered, asking me to answer him in words.

“I… I-I do not have a name, Alpha.” I replied meekly but he smirked and released my chin.

“Are you trying to lie to me?”

Again, I shook my head and that was when he frowned.

“Get on the bed.” He instructed and my eyes widened in fear. I hugged my knees closer to me and buried my face on my arms, shaking my head as tears started to pool on my eyes, hands trembling, and the quivering of my lips did not stop causing me to pressed them into a thin line.

“Please, no, Alpha.” I muttered under my breath, trying not to hiccup.

I flinched when I felt his hand on the side of my leg. My toes curled in fear, wanting to resist. Then his other hand went on my back, and out of instinct, I kicked him and moved away from him, looking at him coming near me.

I figured that I had nowhere to go as my back only constantly hitting the footboard.

Then in a second, he lifted me in a swift and I trembled in fear as he put me down on the bed.

“Please.” I cried as I was not able to stop my tears to cascade on my cheeks anymore.

While standing on the ground, he bent down and placed his palms on the mattress at the both sides of my head.

“Do not cry.” He uttered, looking me in the eyes.

“Alpha, please do n-not do it. I will do a-any job you will g-give me, just please don’t.” I stammered.

“I said, do not cry.” He warned and it only caused me to tremble more. I clenched my fist to control my tears, but it was futile.

“You should learn to listen to me, doll, you know that there are consequences of not being obedient right?”

Meekly, I nodded.

He lifted his hand and was about to touch my cheek but I moved away, bracing my arms on my chest as if it could do something to protect me, but I know that my hands are just like a flimsy disk compared to the Alpha’s strength.

He sighed and let his hand fall back on the mattress as he shut his eyes tight and stood up properly. He took a step back and then the next thing I felt was the duvet covering my body and then the door gently shutting close.

Puzzled, I stared at the ceiling with the bedside lamp glowing at my tear stained face. My palm unconsciously gripped the duvet as my mind went into haywire.

I do not understand. My heart was like being squeezed at the action the Alpha did.

Why? Why did he not hurt me?

Why did he cover me with this duvet?

Why did he not scold me when I did not listen to him? Why did he not slap me for crying?

Isn’t it that people hated it when they see someone crying? when they see me crying? Doesn’t that annoy them?

I do not understand why I am feeling something foreign right now.

My mind travelled with a lot of questions until I drifted to sleep again.

~~

I woke up with the sunlight striking my face, and the soft mattress beneath my back was so new to me. I am not used to lying on something like this. The duvet was still covering me and what happened last night flashed in my head. How the Alpha acted towards me. He did not touch me, he did not hit me for crying and not listening to him. He did not hurt me. But why? I am supposed to get beaten, isn’t it?

Wait… sunlight?

Oh my goddess! I woke up late. I might get punished for this. I had to wake up early and serve them… Like how I always did with my father’s family. I would wake up before the sun shows up, cook for them and do the chores. As much as possible I would try to avoid them and lock myself up in the basement before, and I had to wake up early at those times so that I could sneak some food with me, but if they caught me in the kitchen, another bruises will be introduced in my body.

I quickly moved out of my bed and washed my face first before I ran out of my room. But I stopped on my track when I wondered where I should go and what I should do.

Should I go in the kitchen and cook? In the laundry to wash the clothes? In the garden?

Shall I go find the Alpha and show my gratitude for not hurting me last night?

Right, that is what I had to do first, because he might hurt me if I am not grateful at his kindness.

The pack house was quiet and empty. I do not know what time it is already but by judging the position of the sun, it is already late, probably around 9 in the morning.

I cleared my throat when I felt it dry coz I had never drank anything since before I was sent at the auction.

I have decided to go find the kitchen first and quenched my thirst. I descended the stairs and there were just too much hallways leading to different directions, I do not know where to go. I might get lost or worse bump onto someone who would decide to hurt me. And I do not know anyone here.

Taking my useless non existing luck, I entered the left wing, but I did not saw the kitchen but it just led to another door, I tried the other wing, but it only led to the backyard. So far, I am thankful that I have not bumped on someone yet. I am not even sure if I am allowed to come out of my room.

I stepped on the next wing and found the dinner table, at the end of it was the Alpha. I stopped on my track and the Alpha had noticed my presence. He put down his cup of coffee and looked at me. I lowered my gaze, not wanting to meet his eyes for I know that would mean as a challenge to him since he is the Alpha.

Weirdly, again, I caught the scent of citrus lemon in the air. I wanted to inhale it but that would be inappropriate since the Alpha is just around. I had decided to walk towards him while fiddling on my hands.

“A-Alpha. I apologize for waking up late. It will not happen again. A-and t-thank you for n-not hurting me last night, Alpha… I… I…” even though I am so thirsty and hungry at the same time already, I swallowed my saliva and had decided not to eat instead since it looks like I have nothing to have here anyway. I should probably wake up earlier next time so I could see some food here or somewhere.

“I know I have to work now, Alpha, b-but may I a-ask where the laundry room is? And the cleaning materials? So I could start my chores now Alpha and finish soon.” I said, but I did not hear a response from him.

I peeked at him under the hood of my eyes, and when I saw him looking at me with a very serious face, exuding authority in the room, I quickly lowered back my gaze and waited for his orders.

“Who told you to do those?” he asked.

“I… N-no one, Alpha. I… I should go back to my room then, Alpha. I must stay inside and wait for your orders. I must not come out and walk around the house. I apologize, Alpha.” I uttered as the words flow out of my mouth easily like a rehearsed speech.

The same words that I had to repeatedly say to my previous family every time I commit mistake.

My life is going back to where it started again. Locked up, hidden, only allowed to come out when ordered and when it is time to do the chores.

Not waiting for his response anymore, with my bared feet since I did not have my slippers when I was took at the auction, I stepped back while my head remained bowed down. Then I turned around and walked fast to the stairs, ascending, limping as my ankle still hurts, and going in my room. I am not used to the brightness of the place so I walked to the large window and closed the maroon colored curtains, making the room dark, without any light.

I chose to sit on the floor beside the wardrobe instead of using the couch. They look nice, but I am not used to them. Leaning my head on the wall, I did not dare to touch anything in the room, I do not own anything in here. I might get punished if I touch or use them, worse, I might break them and I have nothing to pay or replace it.

I clutched my stomach when it growled due to hunger, but I have to endure it. Maybe tonight when everyone is asleep, I might be able to eat by then.

I do not know how much time had passed clutching my stomach, and enduring the thirst and hunger I have, when the door of my room swung open, making me alert instantly. Then the Alpha stepped in and roamed his eyes around the room until it landed on me who was seated on the corner of the room.

“What are you doing?” he asked and reluctantly, I stood up.

“N-nothing, Alpha. Do you have an order for me?” I asked politely.

“Why are the curtains closed?” he asked again and the authority in his voice never faded. He always speaks like that, emitting power, intimidating, as if making everyone know who has the power, signifying that in a snap he could kill whoever he wants.

I did not speak, I did not know that I was not allowed to touch them.

He strode to the window and opened the curtains wide open, blinding me with the sudden light striking me. I closed my eyes and covered the light from my face. He looked at me and I figured that he wanted an explanation so again, I apologized.

“I am sorry, Alpha. I did not know I was not allowed to touch the things here. I apologize.”

“Stop apologizing.”

“I am sorry, Alpha.” I said, sorry for apologizing to him.

“I said stop.”

“I am s—“

“One more and you will regret not listening to me, doll.”

I opened my mouth and was about to apologize again, but I shut it back. I was just used to constantly and automatically apologizing to everyone.

We were both silent until my stomach growled and automatically my hand went to my abdomen, and in an instant, I had to utter my sorry.

“I am sorry.”