CHAPTER 5: SO TIRED

**Evelyn**

I closed my eyes, memories of the time when Ryan and I had first confessed our love for each other flashing through my mind. We were both under eighteen then, and I had hoped that the deep connection we shared probably meant that we were fated mates. But I was sorely disappointed when I turned eighteen, only to discover that I was not his mate. For a while, I had tried to pull away from him, not wanting to keep him away from his mate, who could make him a stronger Alpha. But Ryan was relentless in his pursuit, telling that the bond between us was stronger than any superfluous mate bond. That he didn't care for the strength which his fated could bring when he will be stronger with just my presence beside him. And slowly, I had surrendered to his charms once again, thinking that our love was strong enough to overcome the magic of mate bond. And I still thought that when Freya had come here just over a month ago. I trusted Ryan with all my heart, and I knew he loved me more than life itself. I believed if anyone could resist the mate bond and continue loving someone else, that would be my Ryan. But now… now I was not so sure anymore. 

I bit my lips; the pain helping to keep my tears at bay as I remembered the times I had caught Ryan staring intensely at Freya. He looked almost angry as he looked at her. Like he couldn’t look away even if he wanted to. The first time, even though it hurt to see him staring at her, I trusted him to break away from the effect of the mate bond. I told myself that maybe it was just his wolf longing for his mate and unable to resist the bond. As he finally looked away from her and gave me the gentle smile that he only gave me, I thought he had won over the mate bond. But then it happened again. And again.

When I caught Ryan staring at Freya again for the fifth time, I finally snapped. I accused him of surrendering to the fate bond and, in return, he snapped at me for not trusting him enough. It was the first time I fought with him ever and that was because of Freya. The same Freya whom he promised never to care for. Within a month, she had sown a discord between me and Ryan when we had never even had a disagreement for years until then. And that was without her even trying to do anything. If so, what would happen when she would inevitably try to get him to accept her? Will my bond with Ryan stay as strong as I had believed, or could Freya come in between us?

I sighed as I walked towards our room, my footsteps echoing in the eerily silent corridor. As I reached the room, I raised my hand to open the door, only to pause. A strange feeling rose in my chest and for a moment, I felt an overwhelming urge to just turn and run. How strange. I ignored the uneasiness and pushed open the door. 

Ryan had just returned victorious from yet another battle a few hours ago. Right away, he had called in a strategic meeting. He may not be back for a few hours and I planned to take a nap till then. It was not like I could just go to the hospital wing and offer my services when my very presence was treated as a blasphemy. At least with more victories in the battle, there were fewer injured there and my help was not exactly needed. 

Lost in my thoughts, I walked towards my bed, only to pause suddenly. Something felt different. Slowly, I looked up, and my eyes widened in horror at the sight that greeted me. There, in my bed that I shared with my husband, he was lying with another woman in his arms! As I stared with disbelief, Freya snuggled closer to Ryan, nuzzling her head on his chest, and I felt my vision darken for a moment. 

A sense of betrayal surged through my chest as I stared at the scene, hoping against hope that it was all just a nightmare and I will wake up any moment now. But even after blinking countless times, the scene in front of me remained the same. My Ryan, whom I had trusted with all my heart… betrayed me?! He had promised me he would never even glance at another woman. That he can ignore the mate bond. That his love for me was above all else. Then how could this happen? He was all I had in this pack and now I lost him too?! A horrible keening sound escaped my lips as I lost all the strength in my limbs, falling to the floor in a heap. 

My sudden cry shattered the silence, and they both startled awake. As I stared at them numbly, tears still falling from my eyes, Ryan stared at me in confusion. Then, as if following my gaze, he turned to his side, only to let out a startled gasp. He scrambled out of bed while pointing his finger at Freya, who just sat up, her hair a tangled mess as she blinked dazedly.

“You! How did you come here? What are you doing in our bed?” Ryan growled at her.

“I… I don't know! I was taking a nap in my room. I don't know how I got here…” Freya said, her voice full of panic. She then turned towards me with wide eyes.

“You! Get out of my room!” Ryan let out a roar, and Freya nodded frantically before rushing out of the room. While passing me, she gave me an apologetic look, but I could see a flash of smugness in her gray eyes. As the door closed after her departure, I sat there staring at Ryan, who stood there panting heavily, his eyes closed tightly. Then he suddenly opened his eyes, a pleading look on those golden orbs. 

“Evie…” he said, his voice barely above a whisper, his eyes full of hope. Hope that I could understand his dilemma?

“I shouldn't have troubled you like this, Ryan. I should have left the moment your mate arrived,” I said, my voice hoarse as I stared at him, my heart shattering into pieces.

“What?”

“I had grown up seeing the love my parents had for each other. In fact, I had once hoped to have the same thing in my life. But then I selfishly fell in love with you even when I knew the moon goddess must have created someone specifically for you. Even when I knew the magic of the mate bond, I was conceited enough to think that my love was strong enough to beat the sacred mate bond. How foolish…”

I shook my head, a self-deprecating smile on my face.

“I thought you will resist the mate bond forever. But now that I had seen its power in front of my eyes, I don't want to torture you anymore. I can't be selfish anymore and keep you away from your mate. Both you and our pack need her. You can choose to be with her and grow stronger for the pack. I will leave the pack and never come back into your life,” I vowed resolutely. I should have done this sooner…

Ryan let out an irritated growl, his eyes flashing with annoyance as he stalked towards me. He gripped my shoulders with both his hands, and I let out a pained hiss. I looked up and saw a condescending smile on his face.

“You promised to trust me and it was so easy to break it, huh? Just seeing someone near me is enough to conclude that I cheated on you? Is this the unbreakable bond we boast to others?” He growled out, and I staggered back as he suddenly pulled his hands away from my shoulders. He raked his hands through his hair before letting out an angry yell that seemed to reverberate in the room.

“You want to leave? Leave me? I will see how you will leave!” He snarled suddenly and before I knew it, he threw me on the bed before walking out of the room and shutting the door. Only when I heard the ominous sounding click, I realised he locked the door. 

I rushed towards the door and tried to open it, only for it to rattle uselessly.He actually locked me inside?!

“Ryan! What are you doing? Open the door!” I shouted, but there was no answer. I hit the door and yelled for a while before falling into a puddle on the floor, my mind a jumbled mess. I just found my husband in bed with another woman and now he locked me inside. Just what was my life turning into? Just a few months ago, I was living a happy life with a man whom I believed to be my soulmate, even if he was not my fated mate. But now, it was as if I didn't even know him anymore. The Ryan I knew would never have locked me in a room and I would never have distrusted him. We both have changed…

I didn't know how much time I sat there with my back against the door, when the door suddenly clicked open behind me. I stood up and turned, expecting to see Ryan, only to freeze when I saw Elder Zachary standing there.

As I stared at him warily, he gave me a gentle smile.

“Luna, I guess you have finally realised how hard it is to go against the mate bond. It is easy to tell that your love is strong and you can resist the mate bond. But reality is different,” he pointed to the rumbled sheets and sighed.

“This is just the beginning. If you stay in this pack, you will see more hurtful things in the future. The mate bond has already started its effect and with time, they both will become inseparable.” He let out a sigh before looking at me with sad eyes. “I don't mean to be cruel, but the Alpha will forget you. The only one who matters to him will be his mate. And it will only you who will be hurt seeing them love each other when you can't move on from him.”

I just stared at him blankly for a moment before nodding silently. I was tired. So tired. I just wanted to go away and leave this all behind. I didn't want to fight anymore.

“I know I had asked the Alpha to accept his mate and you may hold a grudge against me. But I was only doing the right thing. You leaving the pack is not only for the good of the Alpha and the pack but you too,” he said and I nodded.

“I understand. I will leave the pack right away.” 

“I will help you escape, Luna. I wish you could get over this pain and have a good life ahead.”

His words just fell on deaf ears as I took a step forward to follow him, only to pause. No. I couldn't just leave without saying anything to Ryan. I owed him an explanation, at least.

Grabbing a notepad, I began writing.

‘Dear Ryan,

I love you with all my heart, but I don't want to be a hindrance to you anymore. When you could grow stronger with your mate beside you and save the entire pack, I can't be selfish and sacrifice others’ lives just because I can't give up my love for you. I wish we could meet in another life and then maybe I will be your true mate in that life. Until then, 

Yours forever,

Evie’

I kept the note on the table, wiped my tears, and turned away. Goodbye, Ryan…