Paris was not an abrupt decision, and we all still had two days to pack—but unlike Mila and Sophie, I did not have much to pack for the trip, besides I wasn’t even much of a fashionista myself which makes me the hermit of the group… I think. But I still knew my style, though, of course, I wasn’t going to go to Paris in just plain old clothes.
“Do you like that?”
I immediately cocked my head away from the coat that I was eyeing and left the spot. Trying to act casual, I plastered a timid smile and walked towards Mila and Sophie. Awkward.
Mila pouted, “Do you like that coat?”
I shrugged, “It’s nice, but I won’t even wear it every day. It’d be just a waste of money,” I said as I check on the cheaper ones.
What I’m thankful for the both of them was that they were never really the type to smother on my face all the money they had in their pockets—of course, obviously, they’d look pampered over me with their posh nails and customized Louis
“Finally!” I looked at my first boarding pass as a smile grew larger on my face. I couldn’t even believe that I was really going to Paris that I had to pinch myself the moment I woke up… It just really felt surreal after all that has been happening. And I finally realized that I do need a getaway from Brampton. It's really different when you finally realize your worth and understand that not everything’s your mistake. I just needed that constant reminder to myself, and probably a pat on the back for not letting myself get carried away with all these manipulations and gaslighting that society put me into. I didn’t really need someone else’s saving—and if Drey thought I needed him just to save myself and my feelings—then I must have been really dumb, for even thinking that I like him. I would have probably been the stupidest girl if I did the unthinkable—stoop low and get in a fucked-up relationship where we’ll just both end up ruining each othe
Our flight to Frankfurt could’ve been better if only Drey chose to mind his business and not mine. I mean, who the fuck sticks to someone else’s nose after doing them wrong? He seriously needs a lot of growing up to do.I probably deserve a plaque for not falling for his tricks.Thank God Lyza broke up with him, she deserved more than that douchebag.Toronto to Frankfurt took seven hours. I was feeling sick so I just slept most of the time since I got nothing better to do. Staying in the plane above ground for seven hours doesn’t seem to be ideal for someone who’s riding the plane for the first time.I remained silent when we arrived at the airport, and the three of them let me be. I didn’t want one message for Drey to bother me, but I was a traitor of my own mind… it feels like every now and then, my feelings keep on betraying me. It hasn’t been long since the last time we talked after shit went down… it
The thought that I am in Paris finally sunk in my mind the moment I woke up, thinking it was all just but a good dream I’ll never get to fulfill. But here I was, drinking my cup of hot cocoa in our room’s balcony in a hotel with the Eiffel Tower across my view. I even wanted to laugh and imagined how I would shove this to the throats of those who mocked me for so long.But then I realized, it was just a privileged I was granted because I was friends with privileged people.I sighed.“Good morning.” I nodded and smiled at Enrique who was busy stirring his coffee.“Black?”He nodded and raised his mug a little, “I like it natural,” he said, chuckling.Mila and Sophie were still sleeping, so we just decided to order breakfast for ourselves. Understandable since it’s just 6:30 in the morning, and they’ll probably wake up at 8.The silence was probably a thing between Enr
Days passed by in a hurdle and to say I had fun in Paris would be an understatement. It was a journey embarked towards healing which I never even imagined my entire life. If any, I’d even say it made me forget for a while, although I am not trying to run away from the reality that I have to face, it was a good breath of fresh air even just for a week.A lot happened during the entire tour. Mila and Sophie were taking photos with me and vlogging the entire week that I just got used to their cameras already, and they kept on calling me a natural which I found really funny.But being in Paris hit me hard, too—if the privilege was not just a thing for the upperclassmen, then it would have been so nice to just run away for a moment. I wouldn’t even deny that I was privileged enough to be friends with these people, although there comes a time that I’d also wish that I was at the same status quo as them. I mean… imagine spending lavishl
I forced myself to ignore the news but I was a traitor of my own mind. Besides, having to go back to Brampton meant I had to face the inevitable eventually—I mean, I knew I wasn’t entirely a part of their circus (and I wasn’t even a voluntary accomplice) yet I was there to watch everything fall apart in front of my eyes…I do feel guilty. But what can I do? Wasn’t I a victim, too? Why do I feel like everyone’s pining the fault to me when all I ever did is avoid him?It wasn’t as if I could dictate myself whom to like—but at least I wasn’t stupid enough to actually stoop low.Yet… I was the powerless one. I was an addition to the scene. Probably a pawn. Of course, I’d carry the weight of the burden they had to carry.I hugged my knees as my bed is bathed in a faint yellow haze as sunlight rushes in through the windows. It has just been hours since we arrived in Brampton, and it already fee
When summer ended and everybody has been pulling their luggage back to their dorm rooms, it wasn’t that any different for me—I wake up, prep myself, and go straight to Rique’s café, where I’m spontaneously embraced by the aroma of brewing coffee beans every time I enter inside. I wouldn’t even deny—if there’d be anything comforting in this town, it’d be my daily dose of café work.I feel like even though it’s tiring to work around and balance days that seem fuzzy and too busy with demanding customers and every personification of a “Karen”, it’s just a job I won’t get tired of. It’d probably sound weird, but I’ve found coffee, the sound of the wind chimes whenever there’s a new customer, or even just the smallest things that happen in my job give me even the littlest kind of peace. It’s my safe haven.I tidied my uniform and looked at myself in the mirror
The next morning seemed fuzzy—it was yet again the start of our classes and what keeps us from skipping is that we’re already on our final year: seniors to be exact. I was not scared of going to school, or terrified of the people for what they’re going to say about me… it was probably the jitters or the fear of not getting to graduate and disappointing myself. Senior year meant I shouldn’t just slack off. It would’ve been better if I viewed working at the café the same way as Mila: just a way to make extra money.But I wasn’t lucky enough to be like her. I needed to grind my ass off every day to bring food to my table and afford university requirements. Scholarships aren’t enough for me to survive, I needed to pay for my bills, and even probably for the air I breathe.I can’t wait when breath becomes air. Kidding.I woke up earlier than my alarm. I didn’t have to worry about cr
If I could turn back time and record what Enrique said, I probably would. He sounded so serious, I even thought it was a different person! But even then, I was still grateful for what he’s done for me. I wouldn’t have been able to escape that if it weren’t for him.We were both engulfed in our own tiny little bubbles that silence reigned in between us the entire trip. I succumbed to where I usually suck but is my go-to during awkward times like these—my socials. Mila and Sophie told me I shouldn’t just let life revolve around my academics so I decided to give it a go—only for me to follow just an odd bunch of science stuff. People would say I don’t even look like a science geek, but I was that kind of person… I probably just lost it when I got older and started to fail some quizzes. Well, at least I can still secure that scholarship bag.“You aren’t hungry?” Enrique asked. I was about to answer ‘n