Chapter 03

Monday arrives, and I'm regrettably still alive. To be honest, there was maybe a flicker of hope that things could get better. But apparently, I wouldn't learn my lesson! Because every time I wish to hear something good, the universe hurries to smack me. Today for example, my mom told me that we might not have money for dinner. That's why it's better to be done with this life before I starve. But instead, I'm trapped in class. I can just leave if I want, but the Class Merit Contest is hindering my freedom.

In short, The Merit Contest is a competition where the school secure the highest paying job opportunities, exchange programs, and special post-grad training to the overall best class. Since they're judging us on the basis of 'merit', everything could be taken into account. From academics and decipline to social harmony may get to be used against us. That's the reason students here are super careful about what they do and say. So, if someone like me, storms out in the middle of a lecture, the entire class can get disqualified. And I'd seriously be WANTED DEAD OR DEAD. Which would defy the purpose of taking my own life.

"That's all for today. Class dismissed." says our Programing Professor. Laurine Stern. "Don't forget to do your readings, see you next week."

The lights flash back on, and everybody around me starts leaving the classroom. I hang my bag on me, and drag my hope-deprived body out. The moment I cross the door, I find Mr. Lane waiting for me. His firm arms are crossed, and he's drawn up to his full height, looking exactly like a prison guard. A military uniform and a whip would suit him. Well, school is basically like a prison, so it's not really much of a leap to imagine him wearing that. 

“Miles. It's club time,” he announces, and I suddenly feel my blood drain away. Oh, crap. He's taking me to the slammer. Charlotte Harvey is a natural-born condescender. She doesn't just have a sharp tongue. What she says is verbal abuse, plain and simple.

“Um, you know, on the grounds that a university education prompts students' autonomy and independence, I think I really must object to this..” I say politely.

“Unfortunately, college is actually a place where you're trained to truely conform to society. Once you go out into the world, your opinion means nothing. Get used to compulsion now.”

No sooner had he said that than his fist flew at me. It hit me in the stomach with a penetrating thud, knocking the wind out of me.

Taking advantage of my immobility, Mr. Lane grabs my arm, and pulls me towards the special use building.

“You know what'll happen the next time you try to run, right?" he warns.

Once we start walking, the guidance counselor opens his mouth as if just

remembering something. “Oh yeah. If you run away again, I'll declare your

competition with Harvey forfeit, PERIOD, with additional punishment

tacked on for good measure. Don't fool yourself into thinking you'll be able

to graduate on time.”

He's totally screwing with both my future and my mental health.

“Um, I'm not gonna run away or anything, so I'm okay on my own. I

mean, I'm always alone, anyway. I'm totally fine on my own. I can't relax if

I'm not on my own.”

“Don't say such lonely things. I want to go with you." he gave a sudden

—verging on kind—smile. It was completely different from the usual glare. 

“What a terrible reason!”

“What are you talking about? If you don't want to go, there's nothing I can do about that, but I'm taking you to this club right now for your sake. So, you can be corrected. This is the beautiful love between a counselor and his students.”

“If this is love, I don't need it.” I mutter in anger. 

“You really are twisted. Maybe you're so twisted up, it reversed all your meridians. Don't go

building a Holy Emperor Cross Mausoleum or something.”

You like anime just a little too much, don't you?

“You'd be more attractive if you were a little less contrary. It can't be very much fun, having such a backward view of the world.”

“Life isn't just about fun. If it were, there wouldn't be any sad Hollywood movies. There is such a thing as finding pleasure in tragedy, you know.”

“Heeh. Classic Grimwine. Many young people have a distorted worldview nowadays, but you take it to a pathological level."

“Wow, that's kind of mean, treating me like I'm diseased." I try to utter while making it look like I'm being playful, but I'm truely hurt.

“You like manga and anime, right?” Mr. Lane changes the subject, ignoring my request for an explanation.

“I guess..”

“Why do you like them?”

"Art style, music, storytelling..."

"How's Attack On Titan going so far?" he asks.

"I don't watch that.." I answer, while being dragged by Mr. Lane tight grip down the hallway.

"Seriously?! Then, what do you like?" 

"Umm, Sword Art Online.." 

“Mm-hmm… It's just as I expected—and I mean that in a bad way. You've got a serious problem." he replies with a very dry tone. "Students these days are really good at separating themselves from reality. As a counselor, I can't manage it all. I feel like I'm working in a factory.”

“Students these days, huh?” a sarcastic smile slips out of me. 

Mr. Lane looks me right in the eye and shruggs. “You look like you have something to say about that, but that kind of behavior is exactly what indicates you have the disease.”

“Is that right?”

“Don't get the wrong idea here. This is all sincere. I like you. You haven't given up on thinking. Even if it is twisted thinking.”

Hearing the words 'I like you' got me a little choked up, putting me at a loss

for words. I struggle to come up with a retort to that unfamiliar phrase.

“So from your twisted perspective, how do you see Charlotte Harvey?” Mr. Lane asks. 

Oh, yeah—that girl who basically called me a loser at life the day before. 

“She's a jerk,” I reply instantly. 

“I see.” Lane smiles wryly. “She's an incredibly gifted student, though… I suppose the elites of the world must have their own problems to deal with, too. But she's a very nice girl.”

In what universe?! I mentally click my tongue.

“I'm sure she's ill in some way, too. Her heart is generally in the right place. But the world is unkind and full of wrongs. It must be hard for her to live in it.”

“Aside from the part where she's kind and in the right place, I'm mostly in

agreement with you about the world,” I say, and Lane gives me a look

that says, I know, right?

“You…you kids really are twisted after all. There are parts of you that I don't think will conform well to society, and that worries me. That's why I want to gather all of you in one place.”

“So, that club is an isolation ward?!”

"Hahaha! You can say that." he laughs out loud like he was busted. "You kids entertain me; so, I gotta keep you close at hand."

We continue pacing down the hallway. The corner of the special-use building was as still as death, with a chilly draft flowing through it. Though there's gotta be other clubs engaging in their activities at the time, their noise apparently doesn't carry this far. I don't know if that's because of the location or a result of the mysterious aura emanating from Charlotte.

Lane finally leaves me be as soon as I put my hand on the door and slide it open. To be honest, my heart felt heavy, but it would have bothered me to run away simply because of that.

Basically, I just have to not give a crap about anything she says. I wouldn't

think of us as two people in a room together. It is instead one person and

one other person. I wouldn't feel awkward or uncomfortable if she were a total stranger to me.

◢ ◣

Today I decided initiating “Being Alone Isn't Scary” strategy number one: If you see a stranger, think of them as a stranger. By the way, there is no strategy number two. Essentially, I think that awkward feeling is caused by looming thoughts like I have to talk about something or I have to be friends with this person. I mean, when you sit down on a train next to someone, you'd never think, Oh man, we're all alone! This is so awkward! If I approach it that way, she'd give up. She would just sit quietly and read her book. Complete perfect silence.

Except——

Charlotte keeps shooting me cold brief glances that shakes my spine.

“I—I just came because if I'd run away, I'd have lost the competition! D-don't get the wrong idea!” that's slightly rom-com-ish. But usually, the positions of the guy and the girl are reversed. This  isn't right.

"Heeh. I thought you wouldn't come again.” she exhales. " Are you a masochist?”

“No!”

“A stalker, then?”

“Not that, either! Hey, why are these guesses based on the assumption that

I like you?” God, is that irritating!

“You don't?” the jerk just nonchalantly tilts her head to the side, a baffled expression on her face. It's kind of cute but not worth the cost of this exchange.

“No way! Even I'm turned off by your massive ego.” I reply.

“Oh? I got the impression that you liked me.” she says, her expression cold and neutral as always, showing no surprise.

It's true: Charlotte did have a cute face. She was so cute that even someone like me, who didn't have a single friend in this school, knew about her. There was no doubt she was one of the hottest girls in school.

But even so, her ego is abnormal!

"You're just delusional.." I spit out. 

"I don't think so. My intuition never misses. Besides, I'm so cute; so, guys who merely lay their eyes on me, fall in love instantly." she replies.

"Oh, wow—really?" I say sarcastically. "In that case, you must have tons of friends around, right?"

"Huh! Friends—not exactly, but—not technically.." 

And for the first time ever, the Ice-cold queen is fidgeting.

"Huh? You don't have any friends..?" I ask curiously.

Charlotte turns her face away from me, "Well, can you at least define what counts as a friend?"

Damn, this is a tough question! I gotta admit, I'm the last person who would have an answer to that. All my friendships were painful enough that I get anxious every time I try to remember them.

"Never mind. Only a person with no friends would say that.." I reply hopelessly. "You're always reading by yourself here and between classes. So, it was pretty obvious."

"I didn't say I have none, did I? Besides, labelling people is not—" 

"Yeah, yeah—that's what you're going with." I interrupt. "But being alone isn't a bad thing after all. So, relax."

Charlotte look back at me with a reassured smile, "But you and I are people of different caliber."

"Different caliber..?!" my face twitches for a second. 

“It's that people like you, or at least, this version of you, have the most despicable souls of anyone in the whole world.”

“Wha—?” what the hell are you suddenly attacking me for?

“I did say ‘this version of you.'” Charlotte cut me off, changing the mood. There wasn't a shred of  humor in her words or eyes. Even someone as socially awkward and oblivious as me could tell this was as serious as she got.

“Th-this version? …Don't think you can distract me by trying to imply—”

“…The day before…” her quiet drive and composure, way beyond what you'd

expect from a normal girl, overwhelming me. Her expression is

neither the lackluster C-plus face nor the friendly, pretty one, but instead; something sorrowful and very human.

“…You said you don't have  confidence, and compared to you, my base stats are high. But they're not. To be honest, I was an average person—below average, even, at least through elementary school. That's why I'm not beating around the bush.” she says. Her confident tone suggested that her claims were well-supported. “…You said life was irrational and unfair, but that's not true. The game of life functions on a number of simple rules. You just can't see them because they intersect in complex ways.”

Hold on a sec! Is this chick actually lecturing me on the 'Game of Life'.. ?!

"Functions on what?!" I blurt out. "There's no rules to this crappy game! It's based on luck." 

"You're only half right." she says. "Life is indeed a terrible game. Everything about it now—is just corrupted."

So, she thinks so, too! And here I thought I was the only one with that vision. But why does she look disatisfied?

"But here's where we're different." Charlotte continues. "Life is a malleable game. That's what you can't see."

"Malleable..?" how's that even possible? It's not like you can mod it.

"Yes, it might be unfair, and unsettling—still, it leaves you quite the room for maintainence." she clarifies. 

"Well, that's useless! Your vision's based on what you can do." I sigh in exhaustion. "Plus, someone like you would have nearly zero problems, so whatever.."

Charlotte touches her chin like she's deep in thought. "You might be right. I'm competent and overly cute after all.."

"Is this a bragging session..?" I drop my shoulder in defeat.

“I'm an amazing person. You think so too, don't you? But in one area, you're beating me. We're the same age, and gender doesn't matter for this. So, I'm going to go ahead and say it: It makes me sick to know that you, the person who's beating me—Low-Sero, the one person I respected—is ruining his life. It's unforgivable! It's disgusting! If the person beating me is worthless, doesn't that make me worthless, too?”

This girl is obviously a hard-working maniac. She had paid in blood and sweat for all her  success.

“Sorry. But I don't know how to look at life the way you do."  I mutter.

“Of course you don't.” she shoots back calmly.

“Yeah, obviously. People can't see through someone else's eyes. In a

game, you can try out a top-tier character, but in real life, you can't try on

another person's perspective. My only choice is to trust my own view of things.”

“Uh-huh…”

“So when someone says life is the G.O.A.T. or whatever, I figure it's just because they're a top-tier character. Their opinion isn't gonna change my mind.” I look Charlotte straight in the eye. “And that's my perspective.”

This time, the disappointment on her face is crystal clear. “…Yeah. That's fine—”

“But,” I interrupt. “…But this time, I'm starting to think it might be worth it to hear you out a little longer.”

Again, I look her straight in the eye. Damn. She really is attractive.

“Why do you say that?” she asks. 

“Because…” I think for a moment. “Because... the way you put it is too similar to mine, even if you are a normie with good looks. I think we have enough in common that I might learn something from you.”

“Hmm.”

“But that's not the main reason.”

“…And what would that be?"  her gaze shifted toward me with interest and suspicion.

“The person who's saying this stuff is the only gamer I respect—Mystic-Shadow.”

“…”

“…”

“…Lame.”

Huh? I thought I nailed it!

“…Wait, how's that lame?”

“You can't just slap on a weird one-liner at the end. It's lame.”

"Well, whatever.." God knows I tried. But that's my limit. There's no way to get along with Ms. Perfection here. My best bet is agree to disagree, I suppose.

"Okay, tell me. If you have a friend that is loved by everyone around you for no reason, what would you do?" Charlotte's face turns serious all of the sudden.

"Uhh—stay away from them.." I answer brainlessly; although I didn't take her question seriously, it feels like she was anticipating my answer..

"See? You'd try to exclude that person, wouldn't you?" she replies. "..That's how it was my whole life.."

Excluded, huh? Doesn't sound like a major problem to me. When compared to my life, being excluded by others is a blessing—

—But...maybe, there're few people...we can't stand being excluded from. Being part of that drama, I can imagine what could she have gone through. When those who were by your side step away to wait for you to fall from the sidelines.

“In elementary school, when we used to change shoes for P.E. my regular pair were hidden about sixty times, and for about fifty of those incidents, girls in my class were responsible.”

“I want to know about those last ten times.”

“Boys hid them three times. Teachers bought them from me twice. The

dog made off with them five times.”

“What a strategic dog..!” that bit had surpassed my expectations.

“That's not the part that's supposed to shock you.” Charlotte sighs.

“It is funny, though.”

“Thanks to that, I went home with my P.E shoes every time, and I even had to carry my recorder home, as well.” her expression conveys the tedium of these trials. Unintentionally, I find myself sympathizing with her.

“It must've been hard.” I lower my gaze a little. 

“Yes, it was. Because I'm so cute.” she laughs in a mildly self-deprecating way, and this time the sight of her isn't nearly as irritating as before. “But I don't think it can be helped. Nobody's perfect in life. Players in this game are weak, with ugly hearts, and they quickly turn to jealousy. They try to knock others down."

"Yeah.." I'm not dreaming. Another human being is telling me this. And not just anybody, but Ms. Perfection herself!

"It's so odd in the world we live in. The greater the person is, the harder their life becomes." Charlotte mutters while putting her paperback in her bag. The gentle breeze coming from the windows makes her hair swing lightly.  "But that's not how things should remain." 

"So, what are you gonna do?" I ask.

"I'm going to fix this broken game!" the Ice-cold beauty stands up with fire burning in her eyes. "I will fix this world and everyone in it!"

The way she utters those words stirs something in me. It's not like I haven't heard tons of people saying the same thing before But——the way she sees life, and the way she chose this goal is similar to how I ended up choosing mine. Our approach to dealing with this game is distinct. Yet, fundamentally, we might not be that different..

"That's an incredibly bizarre direction to invest your energy in." I comment.

"Is that so..?" she tilts her head. God, why is she so cute?

But it's the truth, I admit it. This girl is way too perfect. She doesn't lie to herself even for a second. I can respect that stance if nothing else. Because I'm just the same..

She and I share the same vision. I wholeheartedly believe in that now. If so, doesn't that mean me and her are—

AREN't WE..?

"Hey, Charlotte.." I utter reluctantly as she turns her back to go. I can feel my heart beating a bit faster. "So then, are we fr—"

"I'm sorry, that's never going to happen." she shoots back with a grimace that says 'Ew! Get a rope, creep!' and leaves the clubroom immediately.

As she shuts the door, I overhear Mr. Lane saying "Oh, Charlotte, you're heading home already?" 

At that moment of absolute silence, my memories take me back sometime not so long ago when another girl pushed me away..

.

.

"I'm sorry, but I can't be friends with you anymore. I have a boyfriend now.."

.

.

"..It'll feel like cheating, you know.."

.

.

I shake myself off, and get up to go home as well. But once I step out to the hallway, I hear a voice; a giggle that's too familiar. 

"Hehehe! Stop, you know I'm all ready for this!" 

That was Ruka's voice coming from one of the empty classrooms nearby. My heart is itching to know what is she doing. What could be making her sound this happy and giggly? As I keep walking towards the exit, every bone in my body wants to head back towards the sound of her voice. Even if all I'd do is taking a peek from afar. But I resist; knowing fully well that I wouldn't like what I may see.

Life is just—a fraudulent, trashy, and a nonsense of a game..