Chapter 5

Seth & Rose

Rose had never thought of herself as the marrying type. Considering everything she’d gone through, she’d always thought she’d prefer to live on her own. If she did fall in love, she wouldn’t bind herself to any man who could take advantage of her later on.

Until she’d met Seth Thornton.

She didn’t begin dreaming about wedding gowns and bouquets and terrible reception dancing, but she did begin to wonder if marriage might be in the cards for her. She saw how happy his siblings were with their spouses. She saw time and time again how Seth proved to her that there were good men in this world, good men who could love you unconditionally.

It had been over a year since she and Seth had gotten together, and a year since they’d moved in together. While he’d worked on his rediscovered love of woodworking, she’d returned to school to finish her degree in English.

She’d been content—or so she’d thought. Until the day Seth had mentioned the idea of them getting married, and then had never said a word about it again. Why bring it up at all? Had he changed his mind?

“Hey, did you hear what I said?” Heath, Rose’s older brother, asked.

They were currently making hot cocoa in the kitchen for this evening. Normally they’d drink spiked eggnog, but it was early enough that James hadn’t yet gone to bed. So, Rose had volunteered to make the hot cocoa, making sure to spike all of the drinks not meant for minors.

“No, sorry. What did you say?” She stirred the pot where she’d just poured boiling water over chocolate. None of this powdered hot cocoa nonsense, no way.

“I wanted to ask your advice. You know Jubilee and I were planning to get married in the spring. But I wanted to move up the date.”

Rose raised an eyebrow. “Why aren’t you asking your fiancée this? Spoiler alert: I’m your sister.”

“I’m aware.” He lowered his voice, although they were the only two people in the kitchen. “I got Jubilee to go get a marriage license with me a week ago, thinking we’d move the wedding up to early February.”

“That’s a terrible time of year to get married.”

“Stop interrupting. I know. I want us to get married here. On Christmas Day.”

Rose stopped stirring the pot of chocolate. “What, as a surprise wedding? Sounds like a good way to piss off your potential bride, Heath.”

“Jubilee hates wedding stuff. You should have seen her when her mom brought over a binder of different kinds of ribbons. Who has a ribbon binder?”

Rose snorted. “Lisa Thornton does. So, how are you going to pull this off?” She began pouring the heated chocolate drink into individual mugs. “Are you just going to drag her to the altar and hope she doesn’t tell you no?”

“That’s the thing: that’s why I need your help. I need you to distract Jubilee enough so I can get everything together.”

At that, Rose paused and looked her brother in the eye. “Me? Have you told anyone else?”

“Harrison knows. He offered to marry us himself.”

Rose didn’t want to ask how that conversation went. Considering Harrison had been against Heath and Jubilee’s relationship in the beginning, it was hard to believe he was now willing to officiate their surprise wedding.

Heath, though, seemed so earnest that Rose didn’t have the heart to say no to him. “Fine. But if Jubilee gets angry, it’s on you. Tell her I had no choice.”

“You’re my favorite sister, you know that, right?”

“Pretty easy when I’m your only sister.”

As she and Heath brought the mugs of hot chocolate out, Rose couldn’t help but feel a twinge of envy at Heath’s scheme. It wasn’t as though she was desperate to get married. It was more that Seth had asked her, she had said she would like to, eventually, and then…nothing.

She sat next to Seth on the couch, handing him a mug. “Don’t worry, I added a little something extra to it,” she said.

“You’re an angel.”

Sitting in front of the fire, Seth had the look of a mythical creature, with the flames dancing across his sharply cut features. He tended to wear his hair short like he had in the Marines, and it only emphasized his strong jaw and cheekbones. Once Rose had joked that she could cut diamonds on his cheekbones, and to her immense amusement, he’d blushed redder than she’d ever seen on a man who’d once been in the military and had fought overseas.

Callie, Rose’s black German shepherd, lay down on her feet, her tail wagging and brushing the backs of Rose’s calves. Rose leaned down to stroke the dog’s silky head.

“Why did we agree to this?” Seth grumbled as his family laughed and partied like they had every night since they’d arrived at the cabin.

“Because you love your family, and because it’s Christmas. Don’t be a Scrooge.”

“Ho, ho, ho.”

Rose sipped her hot cocoa, but when Callie got up to bark at something random, a bit of Rose’s drink sloshed and got onto her chin. She laughed as she wiped it off.

“Did I get it all?”

Seth leaned toward her. “Almost.” He brushed his thumb to the corner of her mouth before running it along her bottom lip.

Rose couldn’t help herself: she let the tip of her tongue taste his thumb. He groaned, a low rumble, that made Rose shiver.

She knew that Seth wanted her; she knew that he loved her. But did he love her enough to marry her?

She wished she had the courage to ask him why he’d never brought up the subject again. She’d faced down so many things in her life already—what was one simple question?

Because if he tells you the answer you don’t want to hear, it’ll break your heart.

“Let’s go upstairs,” said Seth.

The door hadn’t yet fully closed before Seth had Rose in his arms. He tasted like chocolate, his hands roving down her body. Desire instantly heated in her belly. He kissed her shoulder as he slid her sweater, then her camisole, off. Now that she was clad only in her bra and jeans, he was like something ravenous, all heat and lust, and Rose wanted to sink into that maelstrom without another glance back.

He kissed her belly, cupping her sex through her jeans. And yet, her brain wouldn’t let go of her anxiety. It was like it had latched its fingers onto the edge and refused to set her free. Even as Seth began to pull her jeans down her legs, she couldn’t get into the moment like she normally did.

And then for a moment, she was reminded of how she’d disassociated when Johnny had touched her, and it was like a splash of ice-cold water on her senses.

“Wait. Wait.” Her voice was a whisper; she couldn’t get the words out, make them loud enough.

Seth felt her freeze before he heard her. “Rose? What is it?” He reached for her, but she flinched. The hurt on his face made her feel even guiltier.

“I’m sorry. Can I take a rain check? I’m really tired.”

When she got into bed beside him, she forced herself not to stiffen when he touched her back. Breathing deeply and pushing her anxiety away until she felt some measure of calm take over, Rose finally rolled over to face Seth.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Did I do something? You know I’d never hurt you.” His gaze roved over her face, anguished and confused.

“I know you wouldn’t. It’s just one of those things. I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.”

“Sorry.”

He laughed softly and Rose snuggled next to him, letting the beat of his heart lull her to sleep.

The next day brought enough activity to keep Rose’s anxiety at bay. She helped bake cookies for Christmas Day, which really just meant she mixed ingredients and wasn’t allowed to do anything else. Apparently her inability in the kitchen had preceded her.

“Did you set the timer?” asked Megan. “I don’t want those to burn.”

“Yep. Twelve minutes exactly.”

“Why are the only people in the kitchen of the female persuasion?” mused Jubilee as she took a bite of a just-baked cookie.

“Because they’re lazy bums and I told them if they got near my baked goods I’d beat them with a spatula.” Megan handed Jubilee a bowl of dough and pointed her to a cookie sheet.

Considering Megan ran her own bakery, Rose couldn’t blame her for being territorial in the baking department. To be fair to the men, Caleb and Heath had tried to help. But when Caleb had used baking powder instead of soda for one recipe, Megan had kicked them both out.

Rose began to mix up another batch of sugar cookies, only to forget if she’d put baking soda in it. She glanced over her shoulder at Megan, and then rethought that decision. I’ll just put in another teaspoon to make sure. It can’t hurt.

To her immense embarrassment, Rose watched as the cookies puffed up so much in the oven that they looked like cookie bubbles. Jubilee leaned down and bit her lip, probably to keep from laughing.

The timer went off, and Rose took the cookies out of the oven. They immediately deflated, rather like sad balloons losing helium. Megan had come by to look and had yet to say anything.

“Too much baking soda,” she pronounced. She took a bite of one and grimaced. “Yeah, tastes terrible. Throw those out.”

Rose felt stupidly like crying. They’re just cookies. Don’t cry over cookies. Dumping the baked goods into the trash, she said to Jubilee, “I’m going to go get some air,” before she hurried outside.

It had snowed again this morning. Rose inhaled the cold air as she walked into the edge of the woods. She’d never known such stillness as she had found here. She let that stillness wash over her, calming her pounding heart. Sitting down on a log, she watched as her breath fogged in front of her.

After what Johnny had done to her, Rose knew she wouldn’t get over that trauma anytime soon. Her therapist had assured her that she was doing as well as could be expected, but that she couldn’t castigate herself if her anxiety and PTSD flared up. She’d hoped that being away from Fair Haven would’ve helped. It would seem that Johnny would haunt her no matter where she went.

“You’ll freeze out here.” Seth covered her with his coat and sat down next to her on the log.

“How did you know I was out here?”

“Jubilee said you looked upset. I put two and two together.” His brow furrowed. “Is this about last night?”

She wanted to keep all these negative emotions to herself, but she knew that that never helped. Biting her lip, she tried to find a place to begin. How did she even explain her feelings when she didn’t understand them fully?

“Promise me you won’t interrupt me until I’m finished,” she said. When Seth frowned, she poked him. “Promise.”

“Fine, fine. I make no guarantees that I won’t commit murder if someone hurt you.”

“It’s no one new.”

He grunted. At least Johnny would remain in prison for a long time. There was some comfort in that.

Rose explained about her doubts, about how Seth had asked her about marriage but had never mentioned it again. She tried to explain that last night, it hadn’t been anything Seth had done. She’d just gotten herself all tied up in knots.

“I think I was—I am—just afraid that you don’t want to marry me after all. That I’m too messed up, too broken, to commit to. It’s stupid, but there it is.”

Seth didn’t say anything for a long moment. The wind shook the tree branches, and snow fell in powdery flourishes to the ground. A bird sang nearby.

“You can talk now,” said Rose with a weak smile.

“I’m trying to figure out what to say.”

Her stomach twisted. Her anxiety started to pulse, and by the time Seth opened his mouth to speak again, she trembled with anticipation. Is he trying to tell me he wants to end things? Oh God, please no.

“The reason I didn’t mention marriage again was because when I asked you, you seemed indifferent to it. I thought you needed time.” He grimaced, anguish in his expression. “I know I can’t fix you, or fix what happened. I wish I could. I wish I could beat the shit out of Johnny and make your ghosts disappear, but I can’t. I try to give you time, and space, just like you give me the same when I have nightmares.”

“So you do want to marry me?”

He laughed, incredulous. “Rose DiMarco, I wanted to marry you the day I met you and you told me to go to hell.” He wrapped an arm around her waist and turned her to face him. “I bought a ring for you the day we moved in together. I just didn’t know when would be the right time to ask you.”

“You did?” Now she was crying.

“Of course I did, hummingbird. I love you. Even when you say stupid things like if I want to marry you.”

She laughed as he kissed the tears from her cheeks. “I thought you didn’t want me.”

“Now that’s just idiotic. You’re mine and always will be.”

“I love you. I’m sorry I’m a mess.”

“What did I say? No apologizing.” Clearing his throat, he reached inside his coat pocket and pulled out a small velvet box.

Rose’s breath caught. He’d brought it with him?

“Rose, my love, my hummingbird, the woman who can’t cook and who tried to shoot me more than once—”

“You deserved it.”

“Shush. I’m proposing.” He opened the box to reveal a sapphire ring surrounded by emeralds. “I saw this ring and it reminded me of you, so colorful and beautiful. Will you marry me, Rose? Be my wife?”

Her throat was clogged with tears and she felt a little silly, sitting on a log in the woods as Seth proposed, but she didn’t care. Nodding, she whispered something that sounded like “yes.” Seth smiled and then placed the ring on her finger. It sparkled in the light.

“Thank God,” he muttered before kissing her. “I thought you were going to leave me.”

“So we’re both idiots?”

“Looks like it.”

She kissed him until it was getting so dark that they couldn’t see each other’s faces anymore.

When they returned to the cabin, Rose waited for someone to notice the ring. She and Seth had placed bets on who it would be.

Rose was putting away her coat when she heard her brother’s voice. “What is that?” he pointed to her hand, eyes narrowed.

“Oh, this?” She couldn’t stop from grinning. Her face hurt from smiling. “It’s an engagement ring.”

Heath’s eyes narrowed to slits as Jubilee and Sara gasped, grabbing Rose’s hand. Heath turned to Seth. “You didn’t buy her a diamond?”

“Diamonds are boring.” Seth shrugged.

Before Heath could argue, Rose interjected, “I agree with Seth. I prefer colorful stones. And the ring he bought me is gorgeous.”

“Oh, congratulations! I’m so happy for you two.” Jubilee hugged her. Soon, the rest of the family was packed into the entrance hall and they were being inundated with congratulations.

“Maybe you should’ve waited until we’d gotten back,” said Rose later on in their bedroom. “Because now your family will never leave us alone.”

“There are worse fates.” He kissed her temple. “As long as you marry me, hummingbird, I don’t give two shits what my family does.”

That made her laugh, which made Seth kiss her, and then everything else was forgotten besides being in each other’s arms.