Hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday season!
Come September classes have started again, though everything is online now. Even though we did some of this at the end of the semester, it’s weird to not go to school at all. I don’t quite know how to deal with it. Thank God that I have Kora here, because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have any social interaction with anyone. This semester, I have a supervisory seminar. That’s where everyone that Ship supervises gets together to describe their current projects, any issues that they’re having with their art, and get feedback, not only from Ship, but also from other peers. I’ve sat in on a supervisory seminar before with Ship. Just one or two classes, because Ship thought that I had done something worthy of the older students’ attention. I had loved it, happily joining in on the conversation and showing off my pieces. Now, though, I tended to remain quiet unless specifically called on. I was definitely quieter than before, my responses a lot more thoughtful. And I never gave unsol
There’s a light dusting of snow on the ground when I pull up to my parents’ house on Christmas Eve. I’ve waited until the last possible minute for me to go home because of having to face Matt. I’m ready to talk, ready to forgive him and try to move on. But that doesn’t meant that I actually want to do it. I know that it’s going to be a hard conversation, on that neither of us is going to enjoy, and I’m not looking forward to it. But…it’s been six months and it’s time we clear the air. The second that I pull into my parents’ driveway, they are running out the door to hug me. “Wait!” I say, holding my hands out to stop them. “Don’t you want me to quarantine? Should you be hugging me?” “You and Kora haven’t been around anyone other than your trips to the grocery store. You don’t have symptoms. And we miss you!” Dad exclaims, wrapping his arms around me. Mom hugs me from the other side and I’m enfolded in both of their arms at the same time. And honestly, I don’t have the
Chapter 26 I have a month off from school for the winter semester, so I decide to spend three weeks at home with my family. I’ve missed them so much and I want to spend as much time with them as I can. It’s great to be home where I feel like I’m being taken care of by my family. We play board and card games, make all kinds of food and messes in the kitchen, watch loads of trash TV, and just…be together. It’s not the same between Matt and me. I don’t think that it ever will be. He said some things that can’t be unsaid and the feelings that those words caused within me were pretty big. I don’t know that we’ll ever get over it, but we will move on. And that’ll be enough. Ericka and Jamal come over a few times. They are my parents’ best friends. They are like a second set of parents to me and Matt. But I will literally see Ashton in every look that they give me. He has his mother’s nose. His father’s smile. His mother’s way of pausing before he tells a joke. His father’
For the next month, I’m focused on getting back into the swing of the semester. The nice part is that I’m nearly done with all of my gen eds. The only ones that I have left are ones that can also count towards my major. Which means for the first time in my college career, all I’m focused on is art. Not necessarily my kind of art, but art all the same. I also get back to jogging like I was before. I didn’t get to do it as much in Ohio. The snow was too deep, people weren’t really on the streets, so snow plows weren’t running and sidewalks weren’t cleaned. I went to the gym a few times, but it wasn’t the same. I mean, I love the exercise part of jogging, but the biggest thing that I loved, that I craved, was being outdoors. It cleared my head and helped me to forget. Forget the pain. Forget the betrayal. Forget…everything. Everything that happened while I was with Ashton over quarantine. Being with my family had made it easier to forget. Making up with Matt made it eas
I continue to get flowers everyday. Always a Gerbera daisy with some other flower. A sunflower to remind me of the day that we stopped on a road trip back from a cabin our families rented and went traipsing through a sunflower field. A rose to remind me of the bouquet he gave me on my high school graduation day. A lily to remind me of the time he took the blame for when I broke my mom’s favorite crystal lily. Each day a different flower and a different memory. And with every memory, he told me how much he missed something about me. At first it was my smile. Then it was my eyes. My laugh. My compassion. On Sunday, he sent me another full bouquet of Gerbera daisies. At first, I had given everything to Kora to get rid of. After the third day, I just gave her the notes that came with them after reading them. But by the end of the week, I was keeping them. And my wonderful friend, Kora, had kept them all instead of getting rid of them. She said that she knew that I would
It’s the day of my opening and I’m a nervous fucking wreck. I barely slept the night before and I feel like a zombie right now. Finally, at 4 am, I decide to just get out of bed and get the day going. Ship told me to text him the second that I was ready for breakfast this morning, no matter what time it was. He would then tell me if I was insane or if I was being a normal first time exhibitor. I’ve kind of got the feeling that he’s as nervous as I am. I go for a run. Yes, it’s 4 am, but there’s still plenty of people out on the street. Quarantine is still a thing, but New York has decided that it’s time to get on with our lives. I feel comfortable running out here as long as I stick to the busier and more well lighted areas. In an attempt to exhaust myself, I run for an entire hour, hoping that I’ll come home and pass out on the couch. No such luck. So, I decide that I’m going to take a long, leisurely bath, shaving, exfoliating, and soaking in the tub. But I can’t rela
“Samantha.” His voice is so hoarse, so full of emotion. His eyes, full of those tears that I painted in that piece, are staring right at me. He swallows before he can speak again. “Sam…hey.” “Hi,” I whisper. He turns away from me, wiping at his cheeks and eyes. “Look at you. You really made it to the big time, didn’t you?” I chuckle, though I can feel the tears in my own eyes. “Yeah, well. I kind of feel like I owe this to you, just a bit.” He barks out laughter at that. “Yeah, I’ve never been anyone’s muse before. I’m not sure whether I should feel flattered or…disgusted with myself.” Looking back at me, the amused smirk on his face disappears. “Definitely disgusted.” I try to blink back tears, but they just fall instead. “I know that this is your big night. And Matt told me that you’ve been up since 4, so I know that you have to be exhausted. If you want to talk later, we can. I’ll take you back to the apartment and we can talk tomorrow. Or, after you sleep
It’s 2 am and I’m drowning myself in a bottle of tequila. It stopped burning down my throat hours ago, not too long after Zoe left. Fuck, Zoe! I can’t even think about her without taking another swig of the bottle in my hand. But when I bring it to my lips, I find that it’s empty, just a few drops left. Well, shit! Soooo, the tequila’s gone. Time to start on the vodka. I stand and try to walk to the bar that we’ve got set up on the other side of the room. Unfortunately, I stumble, banging my shin on the coffee table. Fucking hell that hurt! Who moved the coffee table there? I let out a yowl of pain and fall forward, barely managing to catch myself on the couch arm as the door opens. I hear deep giggling and someone saying “Shh! Shhh!” I turn my head to the side, but my vision swims and it takes me a second to make sense of what I’m seeing. “Cole? Dude, what are you doing standing there in the dark?” It’s only after he speaks that my vision settles and I see my r