Conscience-stricken, I was ashamed. How would I ever face him? Face Austin or Thomas. I felt so dirty, it hurt that Austin would not even cum anywhere near me. It only showed that he saw me for the harlot I had become. I had cried myself to sleep, I was sure my eyes would look swollen this early morning. With every tear, I only felt regret and guilt. I had been promised a good night but it turned out horrid, my consequences for thinking I could fool an experienced man. I actually perceived that I could fool Austin, a womanizer into thinking that I was still pure and whole? I felt repulsed by my actions. I felt nauseous and sick to my stomach. My heart ached... the look of disgust and disappointment that he had given me only made me feel worse. It kept playing like a broken record, the embarrassment I felt as I stood to pick up my garments only for him to do it for by pushing me out before I had even been fully dressed. Throwing my belongings at me, shutting the door before I could mut
"Daddy...""Yes, Princess?""I wish my mother was still here... I wish I knew her before she passed."Austin turned to look at me and took a sip of his tea. "She is closer than you think, I'm sure she loves you just as much alright?"The little girl nodded her head. Forgetting I was holding a tray of hot muffins. I felt an odd feeling of guilt. I did not understand but I felt very guilty as if I was to blame. I couldn't see the girl, only her curly brown hair and caramel skin. They had their breakfast silently. This must have been a lucid dream because in that moment I knew I did not belong there. I knew this was not my life. There must have been a mistake. I did not want to admit to the situation in front of me. Ignoring me Austin read through his paper as if nothing had occurred."Will we buy her some flowers today?" The girl who seemed about eight or nine years old asked."Sure? If you want to.""Yes, please!" The girl said in an excited tone. "Daddy, I love when you tell me more a
A/N: I just realized I wrote this in 3rd person bec Master Gallagher is in 3rd person and I'm confused lmao but I will just run with it.—"She refuses to speak to me."Austin rolled his eyes at William, continuing to empty the cigarette butts on a sturdy ashtray. Taking a shot of scotch, he looked around the secluded area around the bar. After all they always had to sit in the smokers lounge even though William strongly disapproved with Austin's addictive habit.After some time, Austin turned back to his friend and replied. "Don't be ridiculous, leave girl alone. She has been without you for nearly half a decade, I reckon she and her son do not need you.""You said her son?" William chuckled a bit hurt."I certainly can not say your son after you refused to take responsibility for your fuckery.""Aha!" William said with a sadistic laugh. "You speak so highly of yourself, you must be a saint Austin."Shaking his head, Austin immediately had a mild flashback of every single time he had
His breath was on my neck. As much as it tickled my sensitive sweet spot, it reeked of cigarettes, liquor... smelt like a dry ashtray that I constantly had to clean out every single day for him. I could not handle anymore of it. His arm tightly was wrapped around my lower torso. I did not want to overthink, he had simply pulled me to lay with him and I did. It did not mean I suddenly thought high and mighty of him. Austin was.... a cunning, hypocrite. I'd never allow myself to flounder for the sake of pleasing him. I liked it, the way he held me. I liked it, the way he made me feel intimately. He was not so made on the eye either but... I hated his controlling egomaniac personality. With a closed mouth, he would be much more appealing. All it took for him to be attractive was to close his mouth. Something that I doubt he'd ever be able to master."Please don't move..." He said in a groggy tone. I had never heard him speak or sound this way. He seemed to be half asleep almost unguarded
Lady Harriet and Austin were the least of my worries. It was the second month ending and I had not had my period. In the past two months, I had been back and forth with two men... maybe Austin was right. I wasn't exactly the most innocent person around.'Shags everything that walks.'I had to laugh out loud from the intense pain, I felt. I couldn't keep it in, I could not keep my emotions intact but I had to. I tried to pretend it did not phase me but it did. I convinced myself that I'm a strong person, I've been through so much and this should not phase me. In fact I should be happy that he left, be happy that he loves her. Lady Harriet was indeed beautiful and of high class, she would look good on Austin's arm. If I thought for a second I'd be anything close to them I was being delusional. Austin had been going all out asking the kitchen to prepare picnic baskets, flowers, red velvet cake (her favorite, I had learnt.) and so on. He had done a good job avoiding me like a plague. It m
"Did she pack her rags and leave for where she rightfully belongs?" Harriet asked bitterly. The image of Austin and that nigger in bed, haunting her still. The way Austin had not moved and looked so comfortable on top of her until Harriet arrived. A sense of entitlement rubbed off Harriet, as she constantly reminded him that he had wronged her. He needed to make up for it but for how long? For eternity."I assume so...""What possessed you to even participate in such a foul, disgusting act?""I thought we were through this, Harriet.""Were you that desperate? A nigger Austin? A nigger of all women? All the variety and you still went for a nigger? I have every right to be upset with you. What if you caught a disease... you never know..." Austin only turned to smoke his sixth cigarette of the day. Blocking out all her fretting. He had no idea what he was doing either. Merrigold was bad for him very bad, he needed to forget about her and move on even if it meant being with Harriet. Befor
"No, Merri you're wrong for this." Thomas scolded me."...they're my belongings!""We share everything here, we're all family. You need to understand that, circumstances have changed and you need to adapt.""...I refuse, they had no right to do that. Those were my toiletries.""You sound entitled, having the privilege to even own toiletries." Thomas said seemingly disappointed, he shook his head. Continuing to crack the shells of his peanuts, that he seemed to be enjoying. It did not sound pleasing because I'd be the one who had to kiss someone with peanut remains left on their teeth. It was also insulting, Thomas thought I was entitled? I sounded entitled? I had left my toiletries in the hall where I was sleeping with the other women from their commune. They had invaded my privacy, used my soap and all my basics and now I had nothing left. With bookkeeping, I had the privilege of being the one to write the grocery lists and I'd always put my necessities in. Austin had never questione
Looking out the window for what seemed like the tenth time. As Austin tried to keep calm and sit down he could not keep his foot steady as it tapped on with frustration. Harriet had went to a church convention... whenever she was present she would not let him breath. She wanted and needed for him to always be with her. She seemed needy for his attention and it ticked Austin off. He constantly told himself that he needed a woman to keep him in check. The beast in him could easily unravel and he needed to be calm. He needed to have something going on for him especially with Harriet. Alone, he would go mad. As much as she was aggravating, she kept him in check from going to see Merrigold.Deciding to take a walk around the plantation something he never did. Although he'd never admit it, he hoped he would see her even if it was from afar. Just to know that she was doing alright and that she had settled in well. His mind kept replaying scenes from when they were together and alone. How had