CHAPTER 13: LOSING CONTROL

✦ 𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐍 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐓 ✦

The morning sun hit the kitchen island in soft light, filtering through the blinds.

I was leaning back against the counter with my mug, watching the steam rise off my coffee. My eyes kept drifting over to the spot near the sink where Xavier and I stood last night.

I took a slow sip and shook my head.

*I’m overthinking this,* I thought. *He was just being normal for once.*

A few seconds later, footsteps sounded on the hardwood floor. Xavier walked into the kitchen wearing a dark hoodie and sweatpants. He didn't look at me right away, heading straight for the espresso machine.

"Morning," I said softly.

"Morning," he grunted, pressing the button on the machine.

Usually, this was the part where one of us left the room to avoid the awkwardness. Instead, I stayed put. I picked up the pot of hot water I had just boiled and pointed toward his mug.

"Want some?"

Xavier looked down at the mug, then up at me. He paused for a beat before sliding his cup closer. "Yeah. Thanks."

I poured the water for him. He grabbed the coffee tin, tapped two scoops into his cup, and leaned against the counter right across from me. We stood there in the quiet kitchen, just drinking our coffee. No side-eye, no cold remarks, no stiff tension hanging in the air.

Xavier reached for the sugar bowl. His fingers paused for a fraction of a second before sliding it toward me first.

"...You use it before I do."

I blinked. "Right..."

I hadn't even realized he still remembered.

"You have classes today?" he asked, taking a sip.

I cleared my throat, picking up the sugar spoon. "Just one online lecture at two. What about you? Heading into the office?"

"No," Xavier said, looking toward the window. "Working from home today. The weather’s supposed to get bad later."

"Yeah, I saw the news," I said, setting my mug down. "They said severe thunderstorms by seven."

"Make sure the back patio doors are locked before it hits," he said, turning toward the hallway with his mug. "The latch slips when the wind gets heavy."

"Got it," I murmured.

As he walked out, I couldn't help the small smile on my face. It was a completely normal, basic interaction, but after months of feeling like I was walking on eggshells around him, my guard was finally coming down.

By seven that evening, the sky outside had turned a dark, bruised purple.

The wind was picking up fast, rattling the heavy glass panels near the front entry. I was sitting on the living room rug with my laptop open, trying to finish an assignment, when the front door opened.

Richard walked in, adjusting his tie while his phone buzzed repeatedly in his hand.

"I'm staying in the city overnight," he said, setting his briefcases down for a second. "The board meeting ran way longer than expected, and traffic is a complete nightmare out there. The main road is choked."

My mom stepped out from the hallway, wrapping a thick scarf around her neck and slipping into her winter coat.

"And I'm visiting Sarah until late, sweetie," she said, giving me a quick hug. "We're going to try and beat the rain, but don't wait up for me."

"Are you sure you guys should be driving?" I asked, looking out at the swaying trees in the yard. "The storm looks pretty rough."

"We'll be fine, sweetie. Richard's staying put in his city apartment, and Sarah's house is only ten minutes away," my mom said, kissing my cheek. "Make sure you lock up!"

"Drive safe," I said.

Within two minutes, the front door clicked shut.

The silence settled over the massive house like a heavy blanket. Left alone, I grabbed my papers and laptop, carrying them over to the couch. I had no idea how quickly the vibe in an empty house could change.

An hour later, the storm hit hard.

Rain slammed against the glass like thrown gravel, and thunder shook the floorboards beneath my feet. I was reaching for my textbook on the coffee table when the ceiling lights flickered twice and went pitch black.

The hum of the fridge in the kitchen vanished, and the hallway lights died completely.

"Great," I muttered, setting my phone down. "Awesome timing."

I pulled up my phone's lock screen for light, but the battery icon flashed red—3%. Before I could even turn on the flashlight app, the screen went black and died.

"Seriously?" I groaned into the dark.

I stood up, keeping one hand on the sofa, then reached for the wall to guide myself. "Where did they put those emergency candles?"

I felt my way down the dark corridor toward the pantry near the kitchen. The house was dead quiet except for the thunder outside, and every little creak under my bare feet sounded way too loud.

I reached the kitchen cabinets and started opening drawers blindly, my hands clinking against forks, spoons, and takeout menus.

"Matches... flashlight... anything," I muttered to myself.

Nothing.

Remembering there was a utility storage room down near the lower level gym, I turned around and started navigating down the back hallway.

"Xavier?" I called out into the dark. "Do you know where the flashlight is?"

No answer.

I reached the corner near the gym, keeping my hand pressed flat against the wall. A sudden, blinding flash of lightning ripped through the window, flooding the corridor with bright white light for a split second.

I froze dead in my tracks.

Xavier was standing in the doorway of the gym.

He had clearly just finished working out. He was completely shirtless, a dark towel slung over one broad shoulder. His shoulders were still damp from the workout, a few drops of water tracing slowly down his chest before disappearing beneath the waistband of his sweatpants.

My pulse stumbled for no reason I could explain.

A sudden heat crawled up the back of my neck, catching me completely off guard. *What the hell?* My throat went dry instantly, and I tore my eyes away so fast it almost hurt, snapping my gaze straight down to the floorboards. It was Xavier. Just Xavier—the same guy I shared coffee with this morning. So why did it suddenly feel impossible to look at him?

Embarrassment hit me, hot and sharp. My hands felt clumsy as I tried to act normal, forcing a tight, awkward laugh.

"Uh—sorry," I forced out, my voice tight. "Power’s out. Just... looking for candles."

Xavier didn't say anything. His eyes lingered on me for one quiet second before he looked away, gripping the towel over his shoulder a little tighter.

"There's an emergency flashlight in the pantry," he said, his voice low and raspy. "Follow me."

We walked back toward the kitchen together.

With no light at all, the hallway felt way too narrow. Every time I took a breath, Xavier was right ahead of me, his proximity making the dark space feel suffocating.

We reached the pantry, and Xavier pulled open the tall door, feeling around the top shelf.

"It should be right here," he murmured, his shoulder brushing against mine in the tight space.

"On the left side?" I asked, reaching up blindly to help him feel along the wood.

"No, on the right—"

Our hands bumped in the dark.

I pulled my hand back immediately like I'd touched a hot stove. "Sorry."

"It's fine," he grunted, his voice tighter now.

Neither of us reached for the flashlight again immediately, and the silence suddenly felt louder than the storm outside. A second later, he clicked a button, and a bright yellow beam of light cut through the dark. "Found it."

He handed the flashlight to me, his fingers briefly brushing mine again.

"Thanks," I muttered, holding the beam toward the floor. "I'll go check the fuse box in the basement to see if it's just our breakers."

"Don't bother," Xavier said, turning toward the kitchen step. "The whole street is out. Look out the window."

I turned toward the glass, seeing complete pitch blackness across the neighbor's yard. "Yeah, looks like the whole neighborhood."

I turned back to step down into the main kitchen area. "I think the matches were—"

My foot caught the sharp edge of the kitchen step.

My balance snapped instantly, and I pitched forward blindly into the dark.

"Julian—!"

Before I could hit the hardwood floor, Xavier lunged. We hit the floor together with a heavy thud, the flashlight rolling away across the room, and I landed directly on top of him.

My face buried into the crook of his neck, my hands pressing flat against his bare chest to steady myself. My knees were pinned right between his legs, my weight pressing him down into the floor.

Time stopped dead.

The storm raged outside, but all I could hear was the frantic, heavy thud of his heart hammering against my palm. Mine answered just as fast, racing completely out of control.

His arm locked around my waist, holding me against him just long enough for the silence to become noticeable.

"Xavier..." I whispered, my voice trembling in the dark.

He still didn't move. One second. Two. Three.

Neither of us seemed to remember how to breathe.

Then he suddenly let go like I'd burned him, pushing back as he scrambled up. Without a word, he turned on his heel and disappeared into the darkness up the stairs.

A second later, a loud, heavy *BANG* echoed from above—the sound of his fist crashing into drywall so violently that I flinched in the dark.

I sat there on the cold floor for a long moment, my heart refusing to slow down. I grabbed the flashlight off the floor, my hand shaking as the beam flickered against the wall. I rubbed my face, letting out a shaky laugh into the dark room.

"What... was that?"

I told myself he was probably angry about the fall. It was the only explanation that made sense... wasn't it?

I stayed sitting on the living room couch for the next two hours in the dim flashlight beam, unable to focus on anything. I tried opening a book, but my eyes kept staring at the dark staircase, listening for any sound from his room. Nothing. Just dead silence.

By midnight, the power finally hummed back on, soft yellow light filling the downstairs area.

I stood up, realizing I needed my gray hoodie that I’d left on the sofa earlier. But as I walked past the kitchen to head upstairs, I noticed the door was slightly open, a warm strip of light cutting across the dark floorboards.

I paused near the archway, my bare feet quiet on the floor.

For one long second, neither of us moved as Xavier's eyes met mine. Then, as if nothing had happened, he folded the hoodie once and held it out toward me.

"You left this downstairs," he said, his voice calm. Too calm.

"...Oh." I stepped forward and took it from him.

Our fingers brushed, but neither of us reacted.

"Thanks."

He gave a single nod. "You should get some sleep."

"...Yeah."

I turned and walked toward the stairs. Halfway up, I looked back to see the kitchen light still on and Xavier standing exactly where I'd left him.

I frowned to myself, thinking he was acting strange, but then I shook my head. *You're overthinking it again.*

I walked upstairs and closed my bedroom door.

✦ 𝐗𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐑 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 ✦

The moment I heard Julian's bedroom door click shut upstairs, The mask I'd forced myself to wear finally slipped.I stood frozen beside the marble island, the cold tap water still running in the sink behind me. My split knuckles throbbed from where I'd hit the drywall earlier, but I barely registered the stinging pain. All I could focus on was the quiet space in front of me where Julian had stood just seconds ago.

I stared down at my trembling hand—the same hand that had locked around his waist on the hardwood floor when he fell into my arms.

It wasn't supposed to happen like this. I had spent years convincing myself that keeping my distance was enough, that I could build an unbreakable wall between us and pretend nothing existed beneath the surface. But when his body crashed against mine in the dark, when his hair brushed my collarbone and his hands pressed against my chest, every single line I'd drawn shattered into dust.

I reached out and turned off the sink faucet, plunging the room into a heavy silence. I leaned both hands against the counter, letting my head hang low as a jagged, uneven breath tore out of my throat."...Get yourself together," I whispered into

the empty kitchen.

The words sounded hollow.

I wasn't sure anymore whether they were an order... or a plea………