Oh my God!

*Nina*

I’m at a club with two of my best friends, Hope and Shaun, and of course, they’re asking about the audition. I’ve told them about those strange questions and about running into that Sofia woman again… the one who landed the HBO role.

“So, how do you think Sofia’s answers were?” Hope asks, drowning her shot.

“Better than mine.” I twirl the liquid in my glass but don’t drink. “No one was fawning over me when I left.”

Shaun shakes her head. “Asking such personal questions at an audition... it seems really unprofessional.”

“I guess no one has ever asked you to take off your top during a deposition,” Hope says with a grin. Shaun works as a legal aide for a law firm.

“No one has ever asked me to do anything during a deposition,” Shaun rolls her eyes. “Because it’s... a deposition.”

I slam down my shot. “The whole world wants to work with Elijah Grant; he can pretty much do whatever the hell he wants.”

“It’s just surprising... I always had this image of him as a grounded, evolved guy,” Shaun says, getting a lovesick gaze in her eyes.

“Elijah Grant?” Hope says, sounding doubtful.

Shaun nods. “I mean, he always makes these interesting movies, and he’s supposedly into all this self-evolution stuff and the Institute of the Higher Mind.”

“Yeah, that’s what makes him... culty and weird.” Hope gestures with her hands as if punctuating every word. “Just look at what happened with Bianca.”

“Yeah, but she basically left him at the altar. I kind of think that makes her the freak.” I shrug. I mean, he’s hot as hell, famous, rich, and does a lot of charity work… who wouldn’t want that?

Hope shrugs. “Or the one who came to her senses.”

Next day:

“It says there’s a bit of traffic, but we’ll hop on the sixty and be in the desert by sunset. Cool?” My boyfriend, Devon, says, looking at his phone.

“It’s your chariot, sexy man... take me away,” I reply, grinning as I hand him a bag of groceries that he carries outside to the car.

I try to remind myself if I’ve remembered everything, speaking out loud to myself. “Snacks... chargers... birth control... snacks, chargers, birth control... backgammon.” I run over to the cupboard to grab the game.

Suddenly, I hear voices through the open window… Devon... and a girl. She sounds upset, saying, “Please don’t do this.”

“You need to stay away from me.” Devon sounds annoyed. “I can’t do this now... please get in your car.”

The girl is pleading and crying, and I hurry outside, wondering what is happening. “Devon... what’s going on?”

“Nothing is going on... nothing.” Devon walks toward me, holding out his hand, then he turns to the girl, raising his hand as if warning her off. “Just get in your car and go.”

The girl is looking at me, her voice kind of whiny. “Are you Nina?” She lifts her hand to her chest in a way that, on-screen, would have been too much... but this is reality, not a movie. “Oh my God.”

“Who are you?” I’ve never seen her before, and right now my mind is racing a million miles an hour.

“I’m Annika.” She is sobbing and mumbling “oh my God” quite a lot.

Devon looks at me, trying to appear calm. “Don’t worry about her... she just hangs out with the band sometimes. She has some serious problems.”

Devon is in a rock band; they’re not huge or really famous, but he can get by on what they earn, and they’re starting to build a following.

“Yeah...” she sobs. “Starting with the fact that I’m pregnant.”

“What?!” Devon exclaims, in a way that instantly gives him away.

She cries even harder. “... and I’m so in love with the father... so very in love.”

I can’t believe this. My voice sounds weird as I ask, “You slept with her?”

“No, she’s making this whole thing up.” Devon lifts both hands now, as if he can somehow hold me back.

“I’m not! You said that we would be together!” It comes out as a pained wail.

Devon desperately turns toward her, his voice raised. “No, I said it was over.”

“Don’t you yell at me!” she screams, halfway hysterical.

He turns to me, muttering my name over and over. “Nina... Nina.”

“Oh my fucking God.” I can’t handle this, so I turn and start to walk away.

“Nina, what are you doing?” he calls after me, but I ignore him. I need to get away.

Later, Shaun’s house:

“Honestly, I’m not really surprised... Devon and I have had some issues,” I say with a sigh. We’re sitting on the back porch with martinis after a swim in the pool.

“Every relationship has issues,” Shaun replies, sipping from her cocktail. “It doesn’t make it okay to stick your dick in some love-addicted groupie.”

I shake my head. “I didn’t say it’s okay... I just said I’m not really surprised, considering that our issues are of the... sexual variety.”

“Let me guess... he insisted on anal, right?” Hope says, as if that’s the age-old problem.

“I wish,” I say, shaking my head, making her giggle. “I mean... it’s not really about him. It’s just... I haven’t felt sexy in a long time. I don’t know what my problem is.”

Shaun holds up her hands. “Wow, wow, wow.”

“Yeah, this is totally about him,” Hope agrees. “Him and his dirty penis. I’m sure you somehow knew subconsciously the whole time, and that’s why you didn’t feel sexy.”

Just then, the doorbell rings, and Shaun looks almost scared. “Holy shit... it’s probably Devon coming to beg.”

“It’s not Devon.” Hope gets up and almost runs for the door, making Shaun and me exchange bewildered glances.

We follow her to the door, and she throws it open to three guys yelling, “Hi, Kevin! Great to see you... come on in!”

“This is Ryan and Kale,” he says with a nod as all three guys step inside. I guess they’re kind of good-looking, but a bit sleazy for my taste.

“This is Nina and Shaun,” Hope says, pointing to each of us.

Shaun is doing that angry whispering you do when you really want to yell but can’t. “Hope, are you kidding us?”

Hope completely ignores her, fawning over the guys. “Oh, and you brought us whiskey... look, girls, whiskey! Thank you so much.” She points to the door leading outside. “Why don’t you go check out the pool, and we’ll be right out?”

“Okayyy,” Shaun says, looking after the guys as they walk outside.

We both turn to stare at Shaun, and she sighs. “Yes... I invited them over... but I did it for Nina.”

“Well, you shouldn’t have,” I say with a stiff smile. “Seriously, I just want to go home.”

“No, no, no,” Hope stops me.

Shaun shakes her head. “Seriously, Hope, in which universe...?”

“In the Universe of Hope,” she cuts her off, winding an arm around my shoulders. “Where we do not feel sorry for ourselves but instead take revenge. Kevin is a really fun guy, and I’m sure his friends...” She walks over to the window, looking out at the guys. “Good God.”

We both walk over to stand beside her. The guys are in the process of stripping down to tight black boxers. They’re all in great shape. Shaun lets out a choked sound. “Oh yeah.”

So this is kind of how my day ends… in an epic party that has me drunk as a skunk, swimming, dancing, and goofing around. Shaun ends up making out with one of the guys... Kale, I think. As for me, I end up crying, then puking, and finally passing out on the couch. I guess this is one way to get through a breakup, too.