Miserable

Willow’s POV

I opened my eyes slowly, squinting as the bright white overhead lights struck my vision, and wincing at the constant beeping coming from beside me.

Had I gotten to the afterlife? The question remained pungent and unanswered, as I looked toward the direction of the beeping—a large machine that was connected to me.

“She’s awake.” Mum’s voice wafted into my ears, and my breath hitched.

With a scudding heart, I steered my gaze to the path her voice had come from, and to my utter shock, my entire family was there, all of them looking at me with indecipherable expressions, as realization hit me like a blow.

I had failed at my attempt to end it all, and was in the hospital.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Raphael spat, his glare scalding, which took me aback.

At his utterance, Erin burst into tears, palming her face as I remained on the bed, beside myself with a grueling mix of fear and despair.

“I-I-“ I tried to find the words but they never came.

“You what?” Dad hollered.

“I don’t even want to hear a word from her!” Mum spoke, her voice eerily cold, “You are such a selfish and ungrateful child, Willow. How could you do this to us? To your sister especially who needs you to survive?”

Selfish? Ungrateful? That was what mum was calling me? After her and dad had made the nurses drain me like a horse for the sake of their precious Erin?

“Her action shouldn’t even surpise us, ma,” Raphael retorted, shaking his head in sheer distaste, “Big sister has always been hateful toward Erin.”

I couldn’t believe it.

After surviving an attempt, I had at least hoped that my family would finally realize how mentally and physically spent I was, but they clearly didn’t. And probably never would.

“Y-You have got it all wrong,” I croaked out to defend myself, to which mum scoffed.

“I don’t know how we managed to raise a vain person like you,” She retorted, “If the attention on you is lost for even a second, you start to act like a crazy fellow.”

Clearly, she had mistaken me for Erin.

“She needs to be dealt with,” Dad said, “I am still deliberating on the perfect punishment to mete out on you. What a disgraceful child.”

“Everyone, please stop,” Erin sniffled, her obvious crocodile tears streaming down her cheeks, “Willow needs to rest, we can’t keep bombarding her with blames like this. She is exhausted from everything that has happened in the past few days. What with her having to give me her blood, and all.”

Of course, Erin would seize the situation to act like a victim.

“I’m sorry, Willow,” She hiccuped, fiddling with her fingers, “I wish I wasn’t such a burden to you.”

“Look at what you’ve done,” Raphael glowered at me, pulling Erin into a hug, “You are supposed to be our big sister. Our helper, but you’ve made her feel like a liability for something that’s not her fault.”

“I really wish you all could just put yourselves in my shoes.” The words were out, before I could stop them, and they earned me a vitriolic sneer from dad.

“How dare you speak to us like that?” He spat, giving Erin a gentle pat on the back while she shook with sobs in Raphael’s arms.

“I was so scared when I found you lying unconscious in the attic yesterday,” Erin pulled away from our brother to say, her eyes swollen and rinmed with red, “I can’t afford to lose you like my dad, Willow. I would rather you stopped giving me your blood than for that to ever happen.”

So Erin had found me.

“Willow will continue to give you her blood whether she likes it or not,” Mum said, and I watched as Erin’s lips curved upward into a barely noticeable smirk which she threw at me.

Erin was the nefarious pretender my family thought I was.

“Are you proud of yourself, Willow?” Raphael hurled, “You have succeeded in traumatizing Erin, who should be resting at home given her health condition. Bravo!”

“I-I am hurting too. Why can’t anyone see that?” I rasped out, tears welling up in my eyes, “Why can’t you see my pain?”

“This is exactly what I’m talking about!” Mum bellowed, “You will do anything for attention.”

Her response was a punch to my already perturbed heart.

“Let’s go.” She announced, wrapping her arm around Erin, who darted me another jeering smirk that went unnoticed by our family, before following mum out of the room.

Dad and Raphael followed, neither of them darting me even the slightest of backward glances, as they shut the door, making me plunge into a bottomless pit of hopelessness.

+

“Explain yourself!” Dad snarled, slamming a brown envelope on the dining table, the auburn paper landing dangerously close to my breakfast plate of scrambled eggs with braised sausages.

Yesterday, I was discharged from the hospital, after a lonely three day stay. After the heated conversation that’d taken place when I woke up, my family hadn’t paid me another visit.

It was a kind nurse who had given me a ride home yesterday evening.

Although it was only morning, I already dreaded tomorrow because I had another blood donation appointment for Erin.

“Good morning, dad.” I greeted, as it was my first time seeing him today.

Dad ignored my greeting, which drove a thick weft of sorrow through me, as I reached for and opened the envelope.

Inside it were two sheets of paperwork, which I brought out, my eyes gaping as I recognized them.

Mine and Erin’s SAT scores.

I had gotten a mark lower than the standard 1600 score, while my sister had gotten two marks lower.

Nonetheless, they were both excellent scores.

“You purposely made a mistake with your sister’s exam, didn’t you?” Dad accused, his gaze even unfriendlier than it’d been for the past seven years.

“Not at all,” I truthfully responded, “I made sure to write hers first before working on mine.”

“You had better be thankful she got a nice score. Else, I would have made your life a living hell.” He threatened, and I smiled inwardly in sad amusement.

If only he knew my life had been worse than a living hell for years now.

Upon my discharge from the hospital, my parents had chosen to alienate me further by making me eat alone in the downstairs dining nook, while having to hear then chat and laugh heartily with Raphael and Erin.

I couldn’t even attempt to end it all again because each time I looked over my shoulder, a domestic staff was always watching me.

Plus, they now had a maid watching over me while I slept, so I didn’t pull anything.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered, as he aggressively snatched Erin’s result from me alongside the envelope.

“You don’t seem remorseful enough,” Dad snapped, “It seems you want me to teach you a lesson. I could keep you locked in this house for years and ensure you never attend college, you know.”

My heart sank.

College was now my last chance to escape my miserable life since I had unfortunately survived my attempt.

“P-Please don’t do that. I am very sorry. I am extremely remorseful about my actions. I will keep donating my blood to Erin. Just p-“

“Dad,” Erin’s voice came from behind dad, a forlorn crack attached to it.

“Yes, sunshine?” Dad answered, his gaze trailing towards her, and subconsciously mine did as well.

The alarms in my head went agog when I saw Erin holding my diary. My personal journal of thoughts.

“I found this, dad,” She croaked, brandishing it, “The things in here…Willow despises all of us.”