Twelve Silver Coins

Lena's Pov

"You're back early."

I stopped in the doorway.

My mother was sitting up in bed, her lamp still on, a book open in her lap that she clearly hadn't been reading. She looked up at me and her whole face changed.

"Mama." I stepped inside. "You were supposed to be asleep."

"I was waiting," she said simply.

"It's ten o'clock at night and you have cancer," I said. "Normal people sleep."

"I'm not normal people." She patted the edge of the bed. "Come. Sit."

I sat.

She looked at me the way she always did, like she could see straight through whatever face I had decided to wear tonight.

"How was the ceremony?" she asked.

"Wonderful," I said. "Very glamorous. Very expensive. Very not us. Elder Mara wore her good robes. The ones without the gravy stain. So you know it was a special occasion."

My mother's mouth curved. "And?"

"And Victoria Hale is going to be Luna." I kept my voice light. "The whole pack is very excited. Someone released actual flower petals into the air Mama. With their hands. Like they had nothing better to do with them."

"Lena."

"I'm serious. Flower petals. Meanwhile our roof leaks every time it rains but sure. Flower petals."

"Lena," she said again. Softer.

I stopped talking.

She was looking at me with that expression. The one she had been wearing since I was a little girl whenever I used too many words to cover something up.

"Did you feel the bond tonight?" she said quietly.

The word landed in the room like a stone dropped in still water.

I opened my mouth. Then closed it.

My mother's eyes were steady and warm and completely certain. She had felt the bond herself once, with my father. She said it hit her like sunlight breaking through a window. She said she had known the moment she felt it that everything was going to be different.

Everything had been different. Just not in the way she was promised.

"Maybe," I said finally.

She nodded slowly. "Who?"

I looked at the wall.

"It doesn't matter who," I said. "Because the light didn't go to me. It went to Victoria Hale. The Moon Goddess made her choice and it wasn't me." I paused. "That's fine. These things happen."

"These things don't just happen," she said quietly.

"Well this one did." I smiled at her. The best smile I had.

"It was Damien Stone," she said.

It wasn't a question.

I said nothing. Which was the same as saying everything.

Something moved through her face, sorrow maybe. Or the particular expression of a mother who had been hoping for something different and had just watched it not arrive.

"You are the strongest person I know Lena Cole," she said quietly. "And whoever is meant for you will see exactly what I see when I look at you."

"A woman with rough hands and one good dress that isn't even hers?" I said.

"A woman who is worth ten Victoria Hales," she said simply.

The tightness in my chest loosened slightly. Just enough to breathe.

"Drink your water before you sleep," I said.

"All of it," she agreed.

I kissed her forehead and closed her door softly behind me.

The cottage was quiet.

I went to the kitchen and stood drinking a glass of water slowly in the dark. Outside the window the lantern lights from the ceremony ground still glowed faintly. Still celebrating.

I set the glass down and stared at my hands.

Red. Rough. Calloused.

"Kira," I said quietly.

"I'm here," my wolf said.

"Was it real? Both times, the meeting room and tonight?"

"It was real," she said firmly. "You know it was real Lena."

"Then why did the light go to Victoria?"

Kira was quiet for a moment. "Something was wrong," she said. "The bond was completely real. And then that light—" She stopped. "Something doesn't add up."

I stared at my hands.

"He looked away from us," I said quietly. "Twice. Both times he felt it and just looked away. Like we meant nothing."

"I know," Kira said. Quieter now. "It hurts me too."

I pushed off the counter and went to my room.

I reached under the mattress and pulled out my notebook. Two years of calculations. Medication costs. Roof repairs. What it would take to get us somewhere better than this.

I opened it to a fresh page and wrote what I have.

Eleven silver coins in the jar above the cabinet. Three days of medication left. Roof still leaking on the east side.

I stared at the numbers for a long time.

It wasn't enough. It was never enough.

I closed the notebook and put it back.

I lay down and pulled the thin blanket up and stared at the ceiling in the dark.

"Kira."

"Yes?"

"We're going to be okay," I said. "I don't know how yet. But we are."

"I know," she said softly. "Because you are Lena Cole. And Lena Cole doesn't stay down."