No time for love

Clair pov.

It was always fun to spend time with the gang. They always made the place more active and enjoyable. And with our mother figure pestering Henry and Lilli for grand kids, the fun is doubled. Austin and Adira left for their two week long trip right after we all had breakfast.

I made sure that Nolan had a good breakfast before I started to have my own. He was giggling as he toddled across the vast dining room, while Henry’s mom pretended to catch him. His little giggles always made my lifeless flutter with excitement. He was such a blessing for me. If not for him, my nightmares and traumatic memories would have made me want to give up on life.

“Aww.... Little Nolan wants to play.” Henry’s mom cooed.

“Clair, dear. Can I take him to the play room. It would be easier for you to eat.” She asked looking at me hopefully.

I giggled. She didn’t really have to ask.

“Of course Gabby aunty.” I replied with a smile. “You don’t really need to ask.” I told her honestly.

She grinned from ear to ear as she picked Nolan from his high chair and carried him away.

“Come here you little munchkin. Let me spoil you. Because you aunty Lilli and uncle Henry still wouldn’t give me a grandkid.” She said as she grinned at her son and daughter in law, glancing side ways at them, studying their reaction.

Henry groaned as she chuckled. Lilli too was biting her lips as she tried to avoid anyone’s eyes.

Gabby aunty chuckled. “Maybe my grand child is on the way.” She muttered, making Lilli look at her in surprise.

She giggled.

“I know things happen in due time. I just hope I get to see me grand kid before I die.” She replied.

“Mom...please don’t say that. I don’t like to hear you talking about death all the time.” He told her, clearly unhappy about it.

“Ok. I won’t.” Gabby aunty replied, pretending to zip her lips and walked out of the dining room with Nolan.

I didn’t realise that I was staring at her with a silly smile on my face, until Lilli called my name.

“Clair. What are you smiling at?” she asked.

“Uhuh......” I looked at them with wide eyes and shook my head. I looked at my plate of food, suddenly feeling full. I didn’t want to have breakfast anymore. My heart felt heavy with the memories of my own mother, who was a lot like Gabby aunty. She too had the ability to brighten up the entire room with her joyful personality. She too cared about everything and everyone. She was my queen and I missed her every second of my life.

Oh how I wish she was here with me.

“Clair!” Lilli’s soft voice made me look up. I didn’t know that I had tears in my eyes until I felt one of them roll down my cheeks.

“What is wrong? Is something bothering you?” she asked softly as she sat down beside me, caressing my hair.

I tried to hold back my tears. I didn’t want to cry. Specially in front of anyone. I wanted to hide my tears from the entire world. I felt that it was not worth to show how broken I really was. However, my tears once again betrayed me.

They spilled on to my cheeks like two streams of salty water. Before I knew it I was gasping for breath and hiccupping through my sobs, which I desperately tried to control. But my efforts were futile.

“Hey. Hey. It is ok. You can tell me anything Clair. You are like my little sister. And sisters don’t hide anything from each other. Do they?” she spoke in a voice that was so soothing.

Henry too was looking at me with sad eyes. No. I didn’t want to be vulnerable. I want to be strong. I want to be courageous. So I will face anything life throws at me and solve any problem I face. Wiping my tears away, I tried to speak.

“I....I miss my mom....” I managed to whisper through my sniffles, as I choked on my sobs. My continuous efforts to hide my tears were in vain. Lilli glanced at me with a sad look.

“You know, I too lost my parents at a young age. My mom died at child birth so I don’t really remember her. But my dad was the sweetest guy. He was the best daddy I could ever ask for. He used to work as a body guard for Mr. Liam. He always used to tell me that Mr. Liam was the best boss anyone could ask for.” She paused her lips in a thin line. It was obvious that her father’s memories hurt her. But still she sighed and continued.

“One day he took a bullet that was meant for Mr. Liam and died on the spot. Stone had been trying to get him for a long time. I was just a kid when he died. So Mr. Liam brought me here.” Lilli narrated her story.

I smiled. Hearing about it did make me feel a little better. I know that everyone has their fair share of hurt and pain. It was a good thing that she got the support she needed as she grew up from the Brookes. However I was not that lucky. I had the most horrible past which I wouldn’t wish on any child. No kid deserved to be treated like that. And what hurts the most is that I was mistreated by my own aunt. My own blood. While Lilli was treated with love and care by someone who is not even related to her.

I sighed. I didn’t have any complaints against my fate. Perhaps it was the best for me. Perhaps those unfortunate events were meant to shape me in to who I really was supposed to be.

“Can you tell us how your parents died?” her question caught my attention.

My lips parted and a shiver ran down my spine. Goose bumps crawled on my skin as I gulped. The truth was I didn’t know exactly how. I was just told that they died in an accident. I remember how I begged to allow me to see them one last time. But my cruel aunt didn’t let me, saying that their faces were beyond recognition.

“They....they died in an accident...” I stammered, realising that I really didn’t know much about their deaths. A funeral was held for them, but the casket was kept closed. No one really saw their faces. And no one even tried to, because my aunt told them that their faces were crushed.

Lilli smiled sympathetically and squeezed my hand. Her palm felt warm against my cold one.

“Now, don’t you feel a little better when you share your thoughts?” she said in a motherly voice.

I only managed to force a smile in response.

“Let’s finish this food and go look for some good courses you might be interested in. The university has opened up for the new intake. So we would look it up so that both of us could be free in the afternoon. I believe you have some work in the afternoon, right?” she asked, looking at me to confirm.

I nodded. She was right. I had a full day ahead. Besides, with Adira gone, more work will have to be done. In addition to that, I will have to attend Nolan too.

“Yes. I’ll go to find you after this.” I promised, taking a bite off my food.

Lilli walked outside after giving me a satisfied smile. I planned my life a little bit in my head. I should keep myself so busy that I forget about my problems. Yes. That was a good solution. I will fill my schedule with taking care of Nolan, volunteer work and studying. And perhaps after that, I’ll go for a job. And then I wouldn’t have any spare time to worry about my past.

Yes. That is what I should do.

Then my phone dinged, making me checking the screen. Levi’s name flashed on the screen. He was still trying to make me agree to go on a date with him. Biting on to my lower lips I opened the message.

Clair. You may ignore me. But that wouldn’t stop me from following you. I will continue to try until you finally give in. Because I really think that you like me too. But you are just hiding something form me.

I frowned and inhaled.

“Levi....why don’t you just give up?” I whispered pouting. “Don’t make this harder for me than it already is...” I added in the same tone.

Sighing I deleted his messages and leaned against my seat.

“I am sorry Levi. I like you but....I just can’t.....” I muttered to myself, trying my best not to cry.

No! These tears have to stop. I can’t spend my time to cry over my problems. I’ve got to move forward. Thinking about my planned schedule I stood up.

My life was filled with things I must do. I don’t have time for love. I thought as I washed the plate and dried it. Walking out of the dining room, I pushed Levi’s thoughts away from my mind.

Oh God. I will have to work harder if I am to forget about both and my past.