Chapter two

The sun had closed its eye when I came to. I sat up, stretched my arms then suddenly recalled some episodes of my hangout in the garden. At first, I wondered if it really did happen. It all felt like a dream. A dream where I made a new friend but Cynthia's demise dawned on me yet again and I recalled the evening vividly.

What did I think of him? I felt he was just another intransigent teenager, (we're very much alike in this, you'll get to know) and though it's annoying, I quite like that about him. We don't have similar interests but he's nice to talk with and handsome too. I'm not attracted to him, just so you know. I just love appreciating nice works of art and Tim, is a masterpiece. I finally admitted to myself that it would be nice to see him again and thoughts of the evening with him kept me occupied and made me forget that one of us was gone. At least, till the next day.

I didn't know when I dozed off again but I woke very early the next day and I found some of the others awake too. It appears I was disturbed in my sleep by the activity in the room. Jennifer was convulsing and the Doctor on call, was trying his best to make her stable.

Not again, I thought. I know we'll all die but it's too soon to lose another. Maureen quietly left her bed and came to mine. She grabbed my arm tightly as though it'd provide some support. I needed the support as much as she did though but as always, I pretended to be the strong support. I patted her hair slowly and whispered "It will be fine".

Clearly, those were words even I wasn't sure of but it wouldn't hurt to just let it out so long as the recipient is gullible enough to believe.

"I hope it will be fine" I muttered to myself, having noted that nothing in life is predictable. At that instant, I remembered one girl in my class who came to sympathize with me when I was first diagnosed. As every normal person would, she felt she would outlive me. I mean, there's no reason to think otherwise. She was very healthy and all. News got to me that she died in a car accident less than a week after she paid me that visit. And here I am, the sick girl who has been battling with cancer for two years and still intends to keep going. I'm not trying to brag or anything. I just wanted to prove my aforementioned statement that life is unpredictable.

So there we were, all anxious with a dreadful look in our eyes as we waited to know the outcome. Thankfully, she lived. Or rather, continued to live. Her bed was wheeled out of the room immediately after. Perhaps to the ICU. Most of us went back to bed but I stayed up. Maureen stayed with me and for some reason, she wouldn't stop sobbing.

"Some day, it would be me," she said " and I may not make it"

A

True. I presumed we all knew that by then and it would be boring to keep stating it so I didn't say a word. I reached for my phone under my pillow and my earpods on the table beside my bed. I plugged them in my ears, connected and searched for a soothing piece to play. After scrolling through two thousand + songs, I settled for 'moonlight sonata' by Beethoven. It seemed to hold more meaning that dawn. I closed my eyes and pretended to play an imaginary piano on the air, totally oblivious of my surrounding, especially poor Maureen who was probably waiting for me to comfort her.

I'm sorry Maureen, but if you happen to read this in future, just know that I wasn't trying to be rude. I was merely trying to find comfort to my troubled no soul.

I kept my eyes shut and continued to listen in that manner till the end of that piece. I opened my eyes and found Maureen curled up on her bed, crying I think. I sighed and played the next song that appealed to me, Beethoven's Symphony no 5.

I lay down supine and forced my mind to recall the previous evening yet again. I felt the memory would blur out my troubles and I would think less of the depressing room wherein we'd lost one and nearly lost another in just about twenty four hours.

But this time, unfortunately, it didn't help.

***

I woke again when the sun was already high up in the sky. Rays of the sunlight shone across my window so I had my eyes shut although I was very much awake. I could hear two familiar voices conversing beside my bed.

" But she has been stable?" Came the familiar voice again. It took only a split second to recognize it. It belonged to my one and only very annoying elder brother Caleb.

"Yes" mum answered "well, apart from yesterday evening that she collapsed. The doctor said it was caused by fatigue though. Nothing serious" she stopped and I heard her gasp.

"It's okay mum. When can she go home?"

"We would have gone home today but the doctor has extended her stay for some days to monitor her condition"

"Oh, okay"

I slowly opened my eyes. Caleb was seated at the foot of the bed directly opposite to mum who was occupying a plastic chair.

"You're finally up" she said meeting my eyes. I nodded and made to sit up but my overcaring brother rushed towards me and helped. I playfully brushed off his hand when I was already seated.

"Caleb!" I nearly screamed "stop treating me like a sick person. This is like, the umpteenth time I'm saying this" I whined. He stood beside me, utterly dumbfounded and the face he made was just like saying "but you ARE sick" but he was tact enough to not speak it out.

I got out of bed, freshened up and ate only a smidgen. I wanted more than anything, to be outside . Anywhere at all, but mum hindered me.

"The doctor suggested you rest for a few days" she said

"I won't go far" I pressed

"Sit" she instructed, pointing at the bed behind me. I sighed in exasperation and threw myself in bed. To express my defiance, I tossed and turned severally and ended up covering my whole body with my pink blankie. Mum didn't breathe a word to me, rather she kept discussing with Caleb whom I presume just came back that morning.

Something was over me that day. I didn't know what it was but I just knew, that something was definitely wrong. On normal days, I'd gladly spend my morning and afternoon engrossed in a novel, play my favourite BTS tiles, or just listen to music while counting the flowers on the flower-patterned ceiling. Then towards evening, when the air is cooler, I might pay a visit to the garden and watch the scenery of the sunset. But that morning, I just felt like going to the garden as soon as I woke. Sadly, I was imprisoned in the room the whole day and next. And the next, although as soon as mum went home towards evening, I snuck out. The garden was my destination and for some reason, It felt as though I was expecting to meet someone other than the scenic view and soothing environ but I wouldn't admit it.

On the way, I stumbled upon Alice. We were classmates in high school.

"Hey" she said stopping in front of me and forcing a grin as though she was happy to see me. I reciprocated the gesture.

"Hi" I said "what brings you here?"

"I came to see my uncle," she said "and you?"

As though she didn't know. I rolled my eyes as she made a show of brushing off imaginary dirt on the sleeve of the hospital robe I was putting on.

"Medical fitness" I replied

"Ahh," she exclaimed, nodding slowly "How's life been after high school? It's so good to see you again!" She said. I scoffed and ignored the obvious lie. If she'd expected me to lie that I was equally glad to meet her, I can assure you that she was gravely disappointed and I wouldn't pretend that life has been a bed of roses either.

"Life's been hellish but I've been pushing through" I shrugged and deliberately didn't return the question but she rambled on anyway.

"Life has been great," she beamed "plus, I just got accepted into the university!"

I congratulated her. Sincerely.

"Thank you," she said "have you?"

I didn't really sit for the examinations although I'd registered. My health happened to deteriorate at the time so while my mates were sitting for the examination, I was battling for my life in the hospital.

"No" I answered, withholding details.

She made a sad face "Oh, that's too bad" then she tapped my shoulder "I should be on my way now. If I happen to come by the hospital another day, I'll be sure to pay a visit"

Her words seemed kind enough but somehow, I felt they were laced with mockery.

"Too bad," I said "I'd be discharged before then"

I don't quite know if she got the message but she nodded then parted ways with me. I shook my head as she left. Why are some people like that?

Alice, just like some people I've come across, seem to be only interested in comparing themselves with other people they meet. I don't know what everyone else would make of it but I think, it's actually inferiority complex. It drives them to want to showcase all good things that's happened to them and ask if you've had something like that as well. And when the answer is negative, they feel this sense of fulfillment. It would be understandable if I hated Alice but I didn't. It's only humane to patronise a cast down soul.

I continued my little journey and when I got there, he wasn't there. Much to my chagrin. I had to admit that I would really love to see him again and had been hoping he would be there as well.

I felt a bulge on my chest as I scanned the garden more closely but the result was the same. Dejected, I walked to the shade and sat. I was so bored and needed someone to talk with. (Don't get other ideas!)

I sat there for some minutes but there was no sign of him still. I reached for my phone in my pockets but realized I'd left it under my pillow in my haste. I felt agitated the more because I had nothing to do to pass time. Just then, a cool breeze blew, making the flowers shake in response and I heard his voice echo in my mind.

'There's something with the wind, the way it rustles by, caressing the flowers...'

Just then, I heard someone beckon on me.