Chapter three

I turned, with a huge smile playing on my lips but when my gaze met Caleb, the curl on my lips flattened out.

"Caleb" I muttered in disappointment.

He marched briskly towards me as he spoke in anger "How on earth could you leave like that? I've been looking all over for you. What if...what if something had happened to you?"

He was already standing beside me. I gave him a very lethal gaze "I'm not a baby, Caleb," I said "and stop treating me like a sick person!" I fumed.

"Oh well, are you healthy then?" He retorted

You know, anyone could have said that to me and I would successfully ignore them but not my own brother. That was the height of it. I stood up at once and charged at him, grabbing him by the collar. "No, I'm not!" I screamed, tightening my grip "isn't that what you want to hear? I'm not!"

He held my hands and tried to calm me down but I broke away from him and ran towards my hospital block. I could hear him running after me.

"Jane" he called, but I didn't look back "I'm really sorry" he pleaded but as more people started to show interest in the unfolding drama, he stopped talking.

When I got to the room, I jumped into bed at once and plugged my earpods in my ears. He drew the plastic chair and sat close to me

"I didn't mean it that way, I'm really sorry" he apologized again. I knew that those were sincere words and I felt I had overreacted. I think, I was merely frustrated that evening and needed to vent off my anger and unfortunately for Caleb, he sufficed.

I continued to feign annoyance eventhough I wasn't any longer.

"What should I get the goddess to appease her?" He asked and I heard him chuckle. I smiled too but didn't say anything just yet.

"Okay" he said, moving away from me as if to say... 'i've tried my best to make it up to you but it's not working'.

I sprang up from the bed before he really changes his mind "I'd love to eat burger," I said "add chilled cola and popcorn too. It'd be nice to watch movies with it later tonight. And..."

He flicked his finger "No, no, no...that's enough"

I made that cute little sister face. Unlike the testimonies I've heard from other girls, it doesn't ever work on Caleb but it was worth taking a shot once again. And once again, it failed. What I received as a response was the ironic reply "Perhaps I should just buy the eatery for you"

"If that's what would make you happy," I said "I'm all for your happiness." Then I let out a little laughter.

"Get out" he said getting up from the chair and as he was about to leave, he suddenly turned and issued out a stern warning "Do NOT go anywhere"

"Or what? You won't buy the eatery anymore?" I teased. He shot me that stern look of his.

"I won't" I promised. Then he left.

I reached for my phone under the pillow, scrolled through a thousand and one unread chats and left it that way. I was utterly restless. That Instant, Joy, one of the girls in our ward sprang up from bed, screaming at the top of her lungs. I started, and so did everyone because it was so spontaneous. One or two girls closer to her bed rushed over to her. I strained my neck to see what was going on. Alas, she was okay. Very okay, in fact. She was beaming with smiles as she peered into her phone. Had she won a lottery or what?

"Joy please," said one of the girls "could you give us a heads up next time you feel like screaming? Jeez"

We laughed.

"What's going on?" Someone asked again.

In response, she left her bed and cat walked to the centre of the room where everyone could see her. The broad smile was still plastered on her face.

"He asked me out!" she screamed, displaying her phone "he finally asked me out!" She jubiliated, running around the room.

This, is Joy whenever she's out of the woods. She's one of the most jovial people I've ever met in my whole existence. She couldn't contain her joy and she successfully infected us with it. The mood in the room was lively for a change.

When she looked my way, she came over and sat on the chair "you've been really quiet these days," she said "almost like, you've not been around"

I sighed, "Some days are like that"

She shrugged and started typing frantically to reply this guy who I think, is insane enough to ask a terminally sick girl out. But the look on her face said it all. She really loves this insane guy and I didn't know if I was happy for them. If I'm being honest, I think I pitied them but of course, I'm not tactless enough to ruin the mood. Everyone deserves to be happy.

She looked up and caught me lost in thought, staring into nothingness. She came and sat by me "what's going on in that mind of yours?" She asked still smiling "are you seeing someone as well?"

"No, I'm not" I laughed it off but that moment, I thought of him and I wondered why. She was scanning me closely and seemed doubtful of my answer.

"I think you are" she persisted

"I'm not" I repeated "Really".

I looked up and sighted Caleb coming into the room. On his right hand was a white translucent bag which I believed contained my treat. He kept it inside the drawer, muttered acknowledgements to my friends/sickmates and quietly left, knowing that his presence would most likely ruin the mood and cut our girl talk short. Caleb, you see, is a smart guy and that's one of the many things I like about him.

"I'd never even dated before" I stated when he was out of sight. Joy gasped and Maureen became more interested in the conversation.

"Are you kidding me?" She asked, sitting up on her bed. I shook my head no.

"I just haven't had the time for that" I said.

"OMG, she's serious" Joy said, putting her hand over her open mouth and continued to stare in disbelief.

I turned to Maureen "have you dated someone?"

It was needless to ask Joy. She seemed like one who had dated half of the guys in her class at 17.

"Of course," Maureen replied "although we broke up about a year ago" she said with a sad look in her eyes.

I did the math. "When you were diagnosed?"

"Uhhm, not right away" she said " it was few months after"

"You see, " I said turning to Joy "this is just one big reason why I don't think I can date. Isn't it a bold showcase of selfishness? What happens when you're... gone?" I didn't want to use the word 'dead'.

Joy was staring at me as though I was from outer space "I just can't seem to understand people who torture themselves" she said at last "I mean, why not just live the moment? Why not just be happy?"

Maureen was nodding in agreement and Joy continued her homily.

"If I have, say, four days to live, you know what I'd choose to do?" The question was rhetorical so she continued right away "I'd choose to be happy. I'd cast away unhappy thoughts and bring whoever or whatever that makes me happy, closer" she said then leaned closer to Maureen as though she was about to share a top secret "PS: Even after crying at your funeral, food would be served and hey, people will eat" she went back to her original position and smiled "Big lesson: life goes on".

Maureen clapped after the pep talk.

"So true" she said. I smiled and rested my case. That did not mean I totally agreed with them but prolonged arguments, are so not my thing and again, I believe everyone is entitled to their opinions. I wouldn't, for the life of me, choose temporary happiness over someone else's grief. I still thought it was selfishness and to me, the highest level of heartbreak for couples, isn't being separated by themselves but by the cold hands of death. I am no Saint but I wouldn't deliberately decide to break someone's heart like that.

I looked over at joy who was now, totally engrossed in her chat with him. Maureen and I looked at each other, smiled and shook our heads. With time, Joy went back to her bed, Maureen's sister came to bring her dinner and pass the night, so she was busy with her and I was all alone at last.

I brought out my treat from the drawer and started watching 'murder mystery' for the umpteenth time. The movie was

one of my favourites back then and I never got bored even after watching it repeatedly. Strangely, I felt bored watching it that night. It was very strange as such had never happened before. I stopped at the middle and switched to a horror movie I'd been keeping in my phone for a while. Was it scary? Yes, I'll give the writer that. But my mind was preoccupied by thoughts of a certain someone that I didn't really follow.