Chapter 5: Brink of insanity

I paced on the corridor, heart thudding above the roof of my head. This could be the miracle I have longed for. 

If he heard our conversation, I might have my breakthrough. Hopes up, I bid time to elapse, but the rays disappeared sooner.

They are moving him.

I try to interfere, but the granny shows up wearing a stern look. I gulped, subdued. He was being wheeled away. To me, it felt like my last drop of sanity was slipping by, tethering at the rough edges I had been before.

I thought I was ready. I thought I was strong enough to hold the fragments of my shattered heart together and piece it back. This was my chance. 

It hurts so much, and it feels like my heart is slit in two. Alone, I could dare the consequences.

But there's a boy who leans on me like I'm his lifeline. I owe Kelvin so much that I can afford to walk away from the man who gave meaning to my existence.

I turned to leave and paused at the sound of my name.

It doesn't feel real until his voice slit through space to melt in my ears again. 

" Hazel," he called, lazily. The slur in his speech and the apparent exhaustion drove me to his side in a blink.

He called again, this time, softly. The ice that had settled in my heart melted away. My chest rose and fell with renewed energy, but Diana sidesteps me and blocks my view. 

My parents are watching, lips sealed with simmering helplessness. They must wish I could just disappear. I could, but. I will.

The granny didn't protest. She orders the nurses to stop the wheels. I halted a few feet from his left.

" Honey," she kissed the back of his right palm in a futile attempt to assert her dominance. Lashes fluttering in a feigned sadness, coy and coquettish.

"You're finally awake. How could you do this to me?"

" It's just not fair!" She sobbed softly. " We just got engaged. What if I lost you?" She continued, pressing his palm against her cheeks.

Roman breathed a heavy sigh.

The granny steps in, forehead furrowed, with eyes like a crow of judgement and tapped her on the shoulder. " My memory might be foggy, but I know he called Hazel." She stated, matter-of-fact, with eyes narrowed in subtle disdain. I feel my insides twist in layered dread. And turned to meet a defeated Diana, shoulders slumped.

Something about her makes me flinch. Maybe it's the cold authority and complementary icy demeanor. 

I inch closer, and guided my left into his. He glanced by the side, eyes locked onto mine. Eternity fleeted quickly in his gaze. Mesmerizing like an enthralling dream. I can't help it. The look in his eyes. Flashes of something purely knitted in longing. " Did he remember?" I asked myself. My heart paced a mile in a moment.

" How's our son?" He quizzed with a tired smile.

My eyes misted. I couldn't fit the words together. Nor the thoughts. “He remembers!” I screamed inwardly. Emotions swirled in my heart. Every anger, every heartache, every pain and loneliness of the past five years dropped before my eyes. I thought I had come to peace at last, but it took a swing. 

He tightens his grip, just firm enough for assurance." I hope I have fulfilled his wish." 

My mind blanked. " His wish?" I thought out loud, lips quivering along with my mind. 

" I might not be his father, but I hope I can be the father he wishes for."

Tears sting my eyes. I feel them brim and let loose on the side of my face like a narrow stream. He doesn't remember. He didn't. I felt my chest cave, and forced a smile. The kind that writes the unwritten text of one's heart.

" Thank you for trying." I stuttered, and released his hand. 

Hope was gone, along with the remnants of my will to hold fast to this anchor.

Finding my way to Kelvin's bedside, I sunk to the floor. Heartbroken and crushed all over again. 

This time, it's different.

I'm not mourning a man who gave me so much and the purest form of love the world has ever known. I'm mourning a man who I'm still thinking might have cheated on me. With none other than my sister.

And then it hit me like a tempest. 

" My son..."

Kelvin hasn't gotten up. They were supposed to get up together. What changed?

" No... someone help me... anyone please.”

One of the doctors nearby rushed in.

" Why's he not awake?"

" Doctor, why isn't he awake? "

He held my shoulders. " Calm down. Let's give him a little time...." 

His voice faded in my ears. I felt my world spin and toss. My inside emptied. My heart dropped into a dark abyss. " No, Kelvin. Not like this." I thought and snapped at the door. " Roman needs to come back here!" I thought.

The vehicles steered away, with the ambulance in the middle. 

My only hope steered away like a boat from the shore. My life...my son's life....

I caught up with them before the ambulance closed. My father blocked my way. " What is wrong with you?" He rebuked.

"Go back in there and take care of your son."

My voice trembled. " He's not waking up... Roman... Kelvin is out! Our son needs you." I kicked to bypass my father. He held me back. He was much stronger than I can ever be.

I watched the doors close. My world caved. A sudden chill engulfed me. I could pick the voices of bystanders before the hospital. The fleet of cars accompanying the ambulance was enough to raise eyebrows. But he is all I want. Just like my son.

" Please. You can't leave him. He may never wake up! " I sobbed loudly.

I felt it drift before my eyes. The engine whined to life. Wheels turned and tires sped up.

" This is not enough." I told myself, and pushed my father away. Heart in my hands, I raced to the ambulance. Nothing mattered. Nothing does. I might as well get hit by a speeding truck rather than lose my boy. If Kelvin needs Roman to wake up, Roman should be there with him.

With some span between, the ambulance screeched and stopped. I fell before it, banging on the door. Without a thought about the bruises on my knees. The convoys were yet to get in line, but they suddenly killed the engine. 

I didn't care about the daredevil granny coming up to scare the hell out of me. I have seen enough of the flames of hell and the pain of loss to know which would torment me more. 

He was down in a minute. Helped up by two guards. His eyes, they narrowed. The way he held my gaze momentarily, like a dawn of realization whipped up the hair on the back of my neck. " What if he doesn't want to come back?" 

" What if he says no to me?"

Since he doesn't remember us, we might pass for a disturbance. I could leave him tomorrow. But not today. I could turn away and let my sister have her happily ever after with my husband, but not while my son is in a coma. He is his father. He has a duty to his son.

I gathered my legs on my knees and bowed. " He needs you to wake up. He needs you there with him." I said, intentionally avoiding his gaze. 

I felt surrounded. Yet, alone. Me against the whole world. 

It doesn't matter if I have to grovel, I will, as long as Kelvin comes back to me.

Eyes lowered, I watched his unsteady stride as he approached and stooped. His hand grazed my chin. Eyes burning with uncertainty, I met his eyes. His lips tilted into a playful smile. His words, " Yes, my wife,” reverberated in my head.

I know he doesn't mean it. I know he doesn't remember me. But it leaves a longing in my heart. I want him to mean it. I want him to make good his words. That, however, is my imagination. He helped me up to my feet and motioned for us to return. Diana quickly cut in, hurrying down from the ambulance.

" Babe, I understand you care about the boy. But...you are not yet strong enough to go extra miles for someone else's problem."

My chest tightened. My heart burned. My adrenaline surged. I gritted hard against my crown and turned to face her, chest rising and falling like a wounded bear. " Did yous ay 'someone else's problem'?” I fired, ready to spew their lies.