6

He nods, fixing the ball cap on his head. “Yeah. You should've.”

I have to look away from him, turning to face the window as I try to rein in my emotions. When Cade reaches in front of him and turns on the radio, I let out a sigh of relief. The truth is, I don’t have a good enough excuse to explain my absence. At the time, I thought it was the only excuse needed. My heart was broken, and I couldn’t face the man who broke it. I thought because Pippa came to college with me, and I saw Linda and Jasper when they came up to visit, that everything was fine. Pippa went back to Sutten when we graduated, and I told her I couldn’t go with her.

I’d secured a major book deal, on the first book I wrote, shortly after moving to Chicago. Life got busy, my heart didn’t heal, and I never got the nerve to return to Sutten.

But I should have.

Every time Linda called to catch up, I could tell she wanted me to come home. If I wasn’t so selfish, I would have. Deep down, I knew I’d always feel hurt, no matter how much time passed. If I would’ve pushed past it I wouldn’t be living with the deep regret I am now, knowing my time with her was cut short.

It takes everything in me to keep the tears welling up in my eyes at bay. Cade just lost his mom. He has every right to be angry with me for not coming home to see her. I’m not the one who should be crying. I don’t deserve to feel this sad when I never made the effort to come home.

If he notices the war I’m having with my emotions, he doesn’t say anything. In fact, he turns the music up. The old song floating through the speakers takes me back to a memory many years ago.

4

MARE - AGE SIXTEEN

I GROAN as I try for what feels like the millionth time to wake up my best friend. The tip of my finger jabs into Pippa’s side. Any other person would wake up howling from the pressure. Not Pippa. She lets out the faintest of growls in her sleep and nuzzles even deeper into her pillowcase.

“Pippa, you promised.” Grabbing her hand, I pull with all my might. It’s no use. She sleeps like the dead.

With an aggravated sigh, I let her hand drop to the mattress with a thud. When I told her how I wanted to spend the night I turned sixteen, she’d swore she’d stay awake long enough to execute said plans with me.

Pippa is a liar.

Like always, she fell asleep and now I’m left having to decide if I want to cancel how I wanted to spend tonight or if I want to spend it alone.

I stomp to her door, roughly pulling it closed behind me. It’s mostly to make myself feel better. If my pokes and prods for ten minutes didn’t wake her up, then the slam of the door won’t either.

During the entire walk to the stables I plan all the things I’m going to say to Pippa when she wakes up tomorrow morning. I should’ve known better than to trust she’d stay up, but I had hope. When the clock strikes midnight, it’ll be my birthday. My sixteenth. It’s a big deal. And she’ll be sleeping right through it.

I’m so busy being angry with my best friend that I don’t notice the body coming out of the tack room. I barrel right into him, almost knocking the saddle in his hands to the ground.

“Woah!” Cade calls, balancing the saddle in one hand and using the other to steady me. “You talking to yourself again, Goldie?”

I look up at him, eyes wide when I notice the open button up T-shirt he wears. And what he doesn’t wear underneath it.

God, why does he have to have perfect abs? And why do I want to memorize the feel of them?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I argue, putting my arms over my chest defensively.

His lips twitch as he attempts to fight a smile. It doesn’t work for long. He shows off his perfectly white teeth as he shakes his head at me. “You talk a lot. It’s probably a talent how much you can talk when nobody is listening.”

He takes off, walking out the barn doors. Cade doesn’t leave me many options. I can stand here and go about my night alone, or I can follow him and continue our conversation. It’s really not a decision at all. I’ll take advantage of any extra second I can have with him; especially if it means we’re alone, which doesn’t happen often.

“I really don’t talk that much.” I scurry out the doors, coming to a halt when I notice the two horses tied to the hitching post. My head tilts in confusion. “Are you going for a ride?”

Music blares from the stereo in the tack room. I recognize it as one of Cade’s current favorites. He’s been playing it non-stop. It’s become one of my favorites right along with his.

Cade places the saddle on Tonka’s back. Weird. He normally rides Ranger. Reaching under Tonka’s belly, he fastens the girth before answering me. “No. But I figured you and Pip were for your birthday. I just got back from checking the trails for the night. Figured I’d get the horses ready for your birthday ride.”

My heart flutters. It’s no use fighting it. I know his action doesn’t mean anything. But to me, it means everything.

He remembered.

The high only lasts for a few moments before I let out a defeated sigh. “We were supposed to go for one. But she’s asleep. I figured I’d go alone.”

Cade watches me carefully from over Tonka. Normally Pippa rides Tonka and I ride Dolly, which makes sense because those are the two horses he has tied to the post. The only problem is the fact that Pippa is fast asleep in her bed.

“You aren’t riding alone,” he sternly says.

I frown. There’s no way I’m missing this ride. I’m going whether he likes it or not.

“You’re not the boss of me, Cade Jennings.”

“Who else is going to tell you when you’re doing something stupid?” he counters.

“I could ride these trails in my sleep and you know it. I’ll be fine. It’s summer. The snow has melted. It hasn’t rained in ages. Again. I’ll. Be. Fine.”

“You’ll be fine because you’re not going alone.” Cade loops the reins around Tonka’s saddle horn. He looks to Dolly, who is already tacked up and patiently waiting to go out.

“Yeah?” I argue, placing my hands on my hips. “And who’s going to go with me? Because I’m not missing it. It’s my birthday after all.”

“You won’t be going alone because I’m going with you.”

This makes my mouth snap shut. I glance down at my boots. The black leather is dirty, in desperate need of a cleaning but I’ve been too lazy recently. I think through what I want to say in response to him before looking back up.

When our eyes connect again, he’s buttoning up his shirt, his focus solely on me.

I flex my fingers anxiously, wondering if this is too good to be true. “Don’t you have somewhere else to be?”

“Nowhere that’s more important than celebrating your birthday,” he answers. The rasp in his voice sends tingles down my spine.

Last week when Parker Prewitt asked to take me to Pop’s Ice Cream Parlor for a date, I hadn’t felt the same shivers as I do now. And this isn’t even a date. But it’s alone time with Cade. The boy whose name I’ve doodled in every notebook. The one I always hoped to land on in every MASH game. And he’s offering to spend the night of my birthday with me.

No birthday wish could be better than this.

“You don’t have to,” I argue weakly. I want to spend this time with him with every part of me. But I’m in this weird limbo of no longer being the little girl who didn’t care if it bothered Cade when Pippa and I tagged along with him. Cade isn’t young anymore and I’m not either. I don’t want him to feel like he has to spend tonight with me because he feels bad Pippa isn’t. “I’m fine being alone.”