CALEB After the final cheer dies on the ice. In its place, an uneasy silence descends. The players now stand in a motionless arc around Luke. The faint antiseptic tang of the first aid kit of the trainers has permeated the air. I can see the worried, hushed faces of the other players, their confident bravado from the win draining away. My own breathing feels shallow, caught in my chest. I’m standing next to another person whose heart is being torn in two. Tony is completely still. Like he’s not breathing. His hands, still gripping the railing, are shaking. His knuckles are white, and a vein in his forehead is pulsing frantically to the rhythm of his fear. His eyes, wide and terrified, are fixed on the small huddle on the ice. “Is he gonna be okay?” he whispers.Was the question directed at me or the universe? I don’t know what to say. I don’t know Luke. I don’t like Luke. But seeing Tony like this, so broken and so helpless, makes me want to wrap my arms around him and hold him
*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*CALEB*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•Friday’s classes are light, one class in the morning and then the rest of the day is mine. I make my way towards The Green to lounge and kill time before I have to go over to Tony’s. I’m floating, a little bit, buoyed by the prospect of tonight. Tony wants to hang out. He texted me. He’s chosen me, even if it’s just for a night. I wish I had someone to talk to about this. Will anyone understand? In my mind, I picture the evening in vivid, comforting detail. We’ll probably get coffee. Talk. Just the two of us, in a quiet, cozy corner of a cafe, or his couch with our knees touching. I’ll make him feel comfortable, safe. I’ll make him forget, for a little while, about Luke, about the fights, about the constant hiding. It’s a fantasy, I know. But it's a fantasy that feels more real than my actual life.A while later, I head straight for my dorm. The hallway smells famil
*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•CALEB *•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*• The sun is out, the weather is bright, strangely reflecting my emotional state. Everything feels a little brighter today. The day before was a chaotic mess of yelling, silence, and emotional whiplash, but the visit to Tony's apartment is a bright spot that has followed me into today. It’s the reason I feel light today, hopeful, like I’m carrying a piece of sunlight inside me. I’m still a mess, don’t get me wrong—my life is a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing—but today feels different. Today is Thursday. Another day. Another chance. I’m headed to the library for another tutoring session with Levi, which has now been bumped to three times a week. Levi didn’t sugarcoat it when he told me why: “You’re too far behind, Caleb, and you need to catch up.” His bluntness stung, but he was wasn’t wrong. I am behind. But at least I'm doing something about it. I'm taki
*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•CALEB*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•The door to my dorm room feels like a means of escape and salvation. I don't say a word. I just turn my back on the weirdest standoff ever between Luke and Tyler, grab my keys from the hook by the door, and walk out. I shut the door behind me, the sound lands like a period in a sentence. The hallway is silent, like all the tension from my dorm room, spilled out somehow.My feet move without any sense of direction. Walking out of the building, the cool March air a scathing slap of reality to my face. The cold snaps me out of the haze of rage and confusion I was just in. The adrenaline from the confrontation with Tyler still swirls quietly under my skin, but now a different feeling is starting to take over. A deep, sick dread.My thoughts are a chaotic mess. I replay the scene in my head, not the words we said, but the absurdity of their friendship. The two of them, s
*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•CALEB*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•Outside, the spring air carries a cool, clean breeze that I can only feel when I open my window. Inside my dorm room, I've been living in a quiet state of cognitive freeze for the last week. The tutoring sessions with Levi were my only escape. I showed up to both of them, and only during that time, my mind isn't a chaotic mess of its usual emotion—shame. Levi was direct, patient, and professional, and I found myself able to focus for hours. I still feel like a fraud, like I’m a mess pretending to be whole, but for a few hours a week, I'm able to forget that.The cocooning quiet of my room is shattered by a sudden, knocking on the door that borders on violent. My heart jumps into my throat. I don’t know who it is, but I could make a guess. I don't make a move to see who it is. The knocking gets louder, more aggressive, until it sounds like it’s going to break the
CALEB I sit in the chair, a hollowness once again making home in my bones. I’ve accepted my fate. My feet are no longer directed toward the escape I so desperately wanted. Instead, I’ve returned to the seat I was offered just minutes ago, the second squeal of the chair against the floor concurring with my defeat. From the other side of the table, the piercing viridian stare sears my soul. His unreadable expression. The quiet and patient calm he exudes. The steady flicker of the lights above clicks like a countdown to the moment I’ll either burst into flames or break into tears. “Do you have a staring problem?” I grumble. He ignores me and slides a textbook across the table. It’s like the physical proof of my recklessness, laid out before me. He opens his laptop and pulls up a clean document, his fingers moving with an easy familiarity on the keyboard. He gestures to the textbook, then to the blank document. “Where do you want to start?” he asks, his voice, devoid of any jud