Semua Bab SWEET DEBAUCHERY: AN M/M COLLEGE, CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE: Bab 1 - Bab 10

A pair of kind eyes peer down at me. It’s Ellie’s. She has the kindest eyes ever. “Caleb, Tim said you weren’t feeling well. what’s wrong?” She asks concern written all over her face. She’s worried about me now. I wonder how she’ll feel if she gets to know her boyfriend—soon to be fiancé—was also once my boyfriend and broke my heart. I’m so vile I probably don’t deserve her kindness, but my jealousy and selfishness is stronger than any guilt that I am feeling. He was mine before he was hers. “I don’t feel so good.” i mumble“Have you eaten today?” She asks her brows pulling together in worry. Right…. Food. I have a brain that remembers to do everything else but eat. She sighs “let me take you home and make something for you to eat. Can you walk?”“I think”My legs are surprisingly steady enough to carry me to her car, but she still leans against me supportively, her arms around me. The parking lot is mostly full, so it takes a while for me to spot her car, under a large oak tree,

SEPTEMBER The next few weeks run by and I find myself running with it. Literally. At first, Luke’s constant jabs about my body seemed harmless. Annoying, but harmless. Then, one day, he called me a weak-ass bitch. I don’t know if it was the shock on my face that amused him, but he laughed and said he didn’t mean it. Later, he bought me running gear when I told him I didn’t have any, like that made it better. Now, as I walk to one of Luke’s hockey games, I realize I’ve gotten used to him. Used to the big mouth, the offhand slurs, the smirks that no longer get under my skin. I get there and the arena is freezing. The kind of chill that bleeds under your skin and settles in your bones. I should have brought a jacket and something for my nose. Luke had warned me about the cold but he never mentioned the smell. The sharp bite of wet concrete combined with the musty sour odor of sweat. Then there’s the greasy stench of the arena food—overcooked fries. Somewhere in the crowd, someone s

I hate surprises. After what I witnessed last night, it’s decided that I hate surprises. I’m in PSYC 101, the monotonous voice of the professor droning on about cognitive biases, I try to take notes but my fingers float uselessly over my laptop keys as my eyes drift across the room. I notice short dark hair and I know whose it is. I know it’s Tony. Which is weird seeing as he’s not the only person in this class with short dark hair. It’s strange that I’ve never noticed him in this class before. I definitely did not notice him last night as well. He must be really good at fading into backgrounds. Another disturbing thought pops into my head. Luke is queer. What’s more disturbing, he’s a queer person that hangs around homophobic people. He really must not like himself. What happened last night wasn’t just something that drunk people do. Luke was drunk, of course, but this was something he’d done multiple times. There was an affinity in the ordinary way he’d leaned into Tony. He

Caleb? Caleb?! Are you there?" It's Ellie, on the phone. She just told me that Tim proposed to her. And I can’t explain why my throat feels tight and closed up. Maybe it's the sudden effect this news has on me—like running into a wall. Even though he told me he’d planned to, I never actually thought he would. I never thought he'd betray me.It's been months since I left Shiloh Creek. I haven't thought of Tim in weeks now. I thought I’d moved on.Why does it feel like my body is turning against me? My hands won’t stop shaking.My heart won’t stop racing.Why the fuck do I feel like this?“Caleb?” She calls again“Yeah? I’m here” I manage to choke out, my voice sounding weird and distant. “Where’d you go?” “Nowhere, Ellie you were saying?”“You sound weird. Are you okay?” She asks again.“I’m okay, just a bit shocked.” “I know right?” She giggles “it was unexpected. But isn’t it great? I think he loves me.” She sounds dreamy and oddly breathless. I think he lov

TONY’S POVWe make our way to the men’s hockey house off campus in silence. The silence isn’t suffocating. It’s wide and big enough to hold the two of us. Enough for my mind to drift. The closer we get to the hockey house, the deeper Caleb’s head sinks into his skinny shoulders. It’s obvious he doesn’t want to be here. I don’t want to be here, but I have to see Lukas. I couldn’t go to Lukas’ game because his dad was there. He’s never in a good headspace after being around his father. Even his mom couldn’t handle it. So she chose to leave—by swallowing a whole lot of sleeping pills.The man has hated me ever since he noticed the way Lukas and I were together, the way it was different from how he was with his other friends back at Ashwick. It wasn’t like Lukas had stopped hanging out with his old friends. He still did—at least, he tried. But it was always different.One day, Lukas and I were together in his room, and his dad barged in, his eyes bright with cruelty, He threw accu