Mag-log in*LEONARDO* “I swore I wouldn’t come here again,” I heard the door opening, followed by footsteps.It was Vance. “But Betsy keeps calling me. You’re making that woman worry herself sick. Aren’t you a little old for this?”I did not answer. He looked at the clothes still tangled around me on the bed, and his voice dropped. “Wrapping yourself in his clothes isn’t going to solve anything.” He sat on the edge of the mattress. “I can’t smell him anymore, Vance,” I murmured. For a second, he just watched me. Then the frustration came back, sharper. “Will you stop torturing yourself like this? Listen to me for once. I’m begging you.” He leaned forward. “Out of all the noise in your head, what do you feel more than anything?”The answer required no thought. “I want to see him.” “Then go see him. Well, if he wants to see you, that is.” I pulled the shirt away from my nose. “He… wouldn’t want that, would he?” “Considering you bro
*LEONARDO* “Mr. Madrigal, breakfast’s ready.” Betsy’s voice cut through the fog in my head. “Has Jamin had breakfast?” I heard myself ask. When she did not answer, I pulled the clothes away from my face and looked at her. “Jamin, he… you…” She did not need to finish. I turned away as the weight of it landed all over again. “You should eat something,” she said carefully. “Do you want a stronger dose of the appetite booster?” “No. Just leave it there.” She set the tray on the bedside table. “Mr. Madrigal…” “Betsy, I’m fine. You can go.” She hesitated, then nodded and left me alone with food I would not touch and a room that still did not contain him.**********Gary came in not long after. He stood near the foot of the bed with a tablet in hand, posture tight the way it always got when he was forcing professionalism over concern. “There’s an important meeting today,” he said. “The board won’t push it again. I’ve been holdin
*LEONARDO* The music was low, the kind that made everything feel slower than real life. Jamin’s hand fit in mine like it had always belonged there. My other hand rested at the small of his back, feeling the warmth of him through his shirt as we moved in small, lazy turns. He kept smiling up at me, the way he did when he was happy and a little mischievous about it. “You’re stepping on my foot,” he said. “I am not.” “You are. Mister, that was definitely my foot.” I looked down, then back at his face. “If I was, you’d still be smiling like that?” “Maybe I like dancing with you even when you do it wrong.” “I don’t do it wrong.” He laughed, bright and unrestrained, and dropped his forehead against my chest for a second before tipping his chin up again. “I love dancing with you.” The words landed soft and certain. I tightened my hold on him without meaning to. He swayed closer, arms sliding up around my neck now, body fully a
*LEONARDO* I hovered above him, still unable to bring myself to touch him. I remembered how upset Jamin had been at the news about Daphne… how he avoided me for days because of that. The thought made the man underneath me feel suddenly unbearable. I got off him and poured another glass of wine.What the fuck was wrong with me?I was not committed to Jamin.So what was this? Was I supposed to stay celibate for the rest of my life?******* I left the club in a fouler mood than when I entered.Work. That was the answer. If I buried myself deep enough in it, there would be no room left for anything else. Gary drove me to the company without comment. The building was quiet at that hour, most of the floors already dark. I went up to my office, turned on the light, and opened the first file waiting on the system. The numbers refused to hold still. I read the same paragraph three times and still could not retain it. My thoughts kept slipping sideways…
*LEONARDO* “I received word that Jamin’s currently hospitalized,” Gary said carefully, setting a few files on the couch beside me.My fingers froze on the laptop keys. I was in my suite in Japan. Since arriving, I had worked without pause so there would be no room left for anything else. I swallowed. “What… happened to him?” “Felix spoke with the doctor in charge. He said Jamin had been drinking heavily. He’s not in good shape… malnourished, inflammation from…” “Is it critical?”Jamin doesn’t drink.What have I done to him? “Medication can help, but…” “Who asked you to follow him?” I snapped, hating the sudden urge to abandon everything and fly back immediately. Gary blinked. “I…” “Don’t test me. I’m warning you.” He gave a short nod and left the suite. I sat there staring at the screen without seeing it.I did the right thing.He would move on soon. *And now, when I think about my future, you’re there.* His words slid ba
*LEONARDO*I met Vance in high school. Even then, he was as pesky and nosy. I wasn’t good at making friends. He just wouldn’t leave me alone. I guess he could be useful sometimes. Especially when I started painting. At first, it was only another possible escape route… something that might take me far from Julius if I became good enough. Then the work itself caught me. There was a strange relief in putting color on a surface and watching feelings become shape. Rage, grief, the constant tightness in my chest… things I could not say out loud somehow fit inside the strokes. The fear, the emptiness, could sit on a canvas instead of staying trapped in my chest When I painted, the noise in my head quieted just enough to let me breathe. I poured everything into it. And I was good. I had always been good at many things, but this was the first one I could truly picture as a life. Vance lived in the same neighborhood. His family was normal in a way that felt almost
*JAMIN* The mister?Mister what?Should I ask what his name was?I suddenly couldn’t find my voice. Calmly, he pulled out a chair and sat down opposite to me. “Let’s eat first.” He began and pressed a button. Two waitresses came around. “What will you like to eat, Jam
*JAMIN* No!This was the only “10k” I’ve been able to find so far.I can’t lose him!I could lie, right?A harmless little lie.So I replied. 25 wasn’t that far from 22. I’d be 25 before you know it.Me: [I’m twenty-six]Mister:[Send a picture] A picture? What does he need a picture for?
*JAMIN* “Have you seen Caesar lately?” My co-worker, Frank asked as we both lifted bottles crates from a truck and into the warehouse. “No.”Then again, I really haven’t seen him in months. Caesar used to work some part time gigs with Frank and I. “I had found it suspicio
*LEONARDO* Jamin scurried back a bit and hurriedly explained, still on his knees. “I…I…it’s been awhile since my last master and I haven’t done it with anyone ever since. So my skills are a bit lacking…”I shut my eyes briefly in frustration. I had no time to teach anyone anything rig







