As soon as we get home, Mom doesn't stop talking. She sounds like a mosquito buzzing in my ear. Just like when we went to Egypt and the damn things would be buzzing in my ears. No matter how many times I swiped them out of the way, they would just get closer to my eardrum.
“The thing is, you’re going to need to stay at the ranch. This thing is going to make you regret the rest of your life.”
I’m twenty-four. I have so many years ahead of me. Being dropped by my agent, label, and even my makeup artist is not the end of the world.
“Could you believe Tracey? I mean, to complain? She's not even that good, and she wants to get rid of me,” I say in my defense.
She holds on to both of my shoulders as if she’s trying to wake me up from a nightmare.
“You did hear what they were saying, didn’t you, dear?”
I wish that she would stop calling me that. It must be the most condescending name ever, one that she never used until I came to stay at her house two weeks ago.
“Yes, Mother.”
“I wish you wouldn’t call me that. It makes me sound so old.”
“Now, can you stop calling me dear?”
That’s exactly what I said to her when she started to call me that. The only thing I've heard since I’ve been here for the last two weeks, is: ‘Dear, can you put that on the table? Dear, can you not put that in your mouth? Dear, can you wear something else but a hoodie?’
“Anyway, I spoke to Terrance,” she says as we walk into the living room. My stepdad, Terrance, is sitting in his chair, the same place that he occupies every time I come into this house. He's always reading the sports news. I swear if he had a job in sports, he would be a millionaire.
“When?”
She ignores me as she continues to talk. “And it seems like our children have gone off the radar at the moment. I don’t get it. You guys are not exactly kids, so I’m not sure why you behave like them.”
Does she really want me to answer that one? Besides, if she's referring to the boy who used to live next door, Noah. I tried to stop my thoughts there, but Noah entered them anyway. I shook my head thinking about him, and then with a half smile I recalled he’d always been a bit weird, so that’s nothing new.
“Anyway, we’ve decided that maybe staying at the ranch is a good idea. You'll get fresh air. There's no McDonald's or Burger King. There’ll be no sneaking out and having late night snacks because everything's closed around there.”
I’m confused. Where is she talking about?
I’m about to ask her, but as usual, she’s doing all the talking. So, I distract myself like I do whenever she goes on one of her rants. That's when I realize that I dropped my phone on the table. But, now it’s safely in her hands, and she's dialing a number. I start to panic. "Mom, I’m not staying with Jason."
She laughs. “I wouldn’t be asking you to do that.”
Which means that she's talking about the boy that I really tried to avoid, Noah. Shit, I don't want to be in the same room as him, let alone go and stay with him.
“So, I’m giving him a call, and I think that it’ll be good if you could ask him.”
She shoves the phone into my hand. I hear his voice on the other end saying hello.
“Noah, it’s me.”
Besides, Noah’s diet consists of eating well Monday through Friday and drinking too much at the local bar every weekend. Damn, I hate him sometimes—especially now.
“Kylie, it’s been a while. I thought that now you’re famous you’ve forgotten about the little people.”
There’s one thing about Noah—he’s far from little. He’s slightly over six feet tall, with a killer body and a smile that gets him laid every week.
“No.”
“So, what do I owe the pleasure?”
I start to get wet at the idea of pleasure and Noah in the same sentence. Damn, why does he still have that effect on me after all this time?
“I thought that I could come and visit you.”
Silence on the phone, but then he sounds as if he’s up to something, as if he’s running.
“Were you running or something?”
Again, he doesn’t answer, and then I think that maybe he’s gone and this whole thing was a bad idea. I knew that the moment Mom said his name and dialed his number. Besides, we're supposed to be keeping our distance from each other. Forever.
“Noah?”
“Yes?”
He sounds completely out of breath.
“What’s going on? Are you busy?”
“No.”
I should have hung up. The last time I called him was around six months ago to make sure that he wasn't going to be at my mom's birthday party. Now, I'm calling him to stay at his house. This is silly—no, it's fucking stupid. I’m the one that said it never happened, when he came to see me and took my virginity that night. I’m the one that told him that it could never happen again. We used to live next door and we were friends, until we crossed the line and we thought that we were ruining our friendship. Even though I wanted more, I never admitted it, but then again Noah never gave me the chance to tell him how I felt.
I decide that this conversation is on the road to nowhere, so I walk away from Mom and Tony and say, “Is this about what happened last time?”
“What happened last time?”
Oh, I don’t know Noah. We were drunk, fucked each other’s brains out, and it was the best sex that I’ve ever had, and then when you woke up in the morning, you said ‘that didn’t happen.’ So, I told you that it never did and would never happen again.
“Nothing.”
He doesn’t say anything again.
“Okay, so if you’re cool with me spending a little while with you then… that’s cool.”
“What do you mean by a little while?”
It seems like someone’s woken up.
“Well, I was thinking a week.”
Mom’s behind me prodding me. “Longer than that.”
Where did she come from? Shoot, I wonder if she heard what I said earlier?
“Or a month.”
“Great. If you do, you need to do something for me.”
“What?”
As long as it’s not having sex with you ever again, then I’m good.
“Don’t worry, we’ll discuss it when you come. By the way, when are you coming?”
I want to change my mind. The only thing stopping me is knowing that Mom has a key to my apartment. I could always rent a hotel suite.
“Tomorrow!” Mom blurts out. She’s so damn close to me that she’s squeezing her body next to mine.
“In that case, I better get your room ready.”
Have I got a room? Since when? I've never been to his new house.
I’m about to ask, when once again Mom shouts out, “Great!”
I move away from her. She’s annoying me. I’m about to say something else, but before I even get the chance, Noah’s hung up. Mom runs into the living room where I had just left the pair of them so that I could have a private conversation with Noah.
“Noah’s agreed for her to stay with him.”
Terrance nods, half-interested. “Great.”
I look at Mom, and she’s acting as if she’s won the lottery. “Being in the country with no access to junk food would do you a world of good.”
Not really!
“And you can ask Noah to help you out by maybe going for walks with you in the morning.”
“Seriously, Mom I’m not a dog.”
“I know that, dear. Why do you always have to be so crude?”
She doesn’t need to know the answer to that. I don’t want to go. I feel like a child being made to eat their vegetables on a Friday instead of making their weekly run to McDonald’s. I don’t want to do this, especially when Noah said that I had to do him a favor. One whole month living in the same house as him is going to be tough.
Mom grabs my hand and says, “This is so exciting. You’ll see. Not only will you lose weight, but you’ll have a number one hit.”
I must have my dad’s genes because I don’t feel happy or even a little excited about being under the same roof as Noah. In fact, all I feel is fear. I don’t know if I want him to control himself, or if I want to control myself—and that’s the issue.
Kylie’s just parked the car, and I’ve got Richard inside. I didn’t want to scare her from the moment I saw her. If I came out holding Richard, she might just get back in her car and drive home. I haven't seen her in the flesh in what feels like forever. She’s changed, really filled out. We haven’t spoken since that night. I’ve seen her on screen, and I’ve kept an eye on her social media, but that's been quiet for weeks. The only time we do talk on the phone is so that she can make sure that I'm not going to be somewhere. ‘Mom’s party. You going?’I don't want to trick her, so I always tell her that if she can’t make it, then I’ll go, and if she can, then I don't go. That’s the way it’s been for the last three years since Stephanie got married to my dad’s best friend, Terrance. I thought that she may change her mind about the situation. And for once just want to be in the same place with me at the same time.She looks sad in a way, not the singing sensation in bright lights. Even her
I feel like such a fool. I got my hopes up high. I thought that he wanted us to get together again. Or something? Looking after a baby never featured into the equation. I took the long drive here, and it made me think that he’ll think twice about what happened that night. Sure, it was three years ago, and I'm sure that he's moved on. But, a girl can only hope, right?I look horrible. I sigh as I look in the mirror in the bedroom. I've never thought that way about myself. Don't get me wrong, I don't think of myself as being the most beautiful girl in the world. My almond-shaped blue eyes and my long fair hair used to be the talk of the town. I’ve got full lips, and some used to call me angelic in the reviews. If they saw me now, they’d be calling me the complete opposite. I’m nothing like the girl he’s used to seeing, and part of me wanted to change before I drove down here. Mom was messing with my head, so I just threw as many things as I could in the suitcases and left. I wanted to
I came home and Kylie was fast asleep in the chair where I’d spent last night sleeping when I was checking in on Richard. I should have woken her up and told her that I was home, but there was something calming about watching her sit there. She looked at peace, not sad like when she first came to the house, and all I could think about was, why did she come if she didn't want to be here? I was tempted to call Terrance and ask him, but then I remembered that I only call him if I'm desperate—which isn't often. * * *I get home wanting to take a nap. I was exhausted this morning when I got up at five. Later on, I have to go back to the ranch, so I head to the kitchen and grab something quick to eat. Kylie’s already made bottles, and it even looks as if she's taken him out in the sling, the one that I’d planned on telling her about. I wonder where else she's been in the house. She seems to have made herself at home in one day. I didn't see her or hear them in the house, so they must stil
I’ve been here two days and I haven’t seen Noah. It’s like he does this disappearing act on me. One minute he’s here and the next he's gone. I only know he comes home because I get up in the middle of the night and hear him snoring like a pig. Damn! When did he get to be such a deep sleeper?I know that today I’m not going to let him pull the wool over my eyes. No way!I think that I’ve lost a few pounds already. I’ve been timing Richard’s naps, and I hate to admit it, but Mom was right. Noah doesn’t store any junk food, and there’s no Starbucks or McDonald’s within easy reach. I don’t have a car seat, so I’m forced to take Richard out in the stroller. He loves being in that thing more than the sling. I think it’s because he has the freedom to look around. He’s a curious little thing, that’s for sure, and it’s as if Noah can read my mind because he shows up midday.“Hey,” he says once again as he sees me. I realize that all the time I’ve been here, we haven’t even had a conversation.
After feeding Richard, I decide to head to the kitchen and whip us up a meal. Everyone says that I’m obsessed with my diet. That’s not true. It’s just that working on a ranch is hard going, so I try not to keep crap in the house. I don’t even buy beer. I must be the only guy in Texas who never buys beers. Drinking is for going out, and I find that there’s nothing lonelier than drinking alone, so I try and avoid it. “What you cooking?” Kylie asks as she sits on the kitchen bench. “Couscous, chicken, and some beans.”“Looks good.” I can tell that she’s not happy about it. “Only healthy produce here, baby.”“Yeah, I know it’s just what I need. Even my skin’s clearing up since I’ve been here.”“That’s good, right?”She shrugs. “I suppose.”Shit, I remember her being the most confident girl in the world—the one that would walk into a room and just light it up. I wonder what changed her? What made her give up? “I work on the ranch all day, and I need this to help fuel me up, or I’ll jus
Last night, I thought that Noah would come into my room, but after seeing to Richard, he just fell asleep on the chair. I didn't want to wake him. I wanted him to come to me, not for me to hint.But he never did. Maybe I'm misreading the signals, but I thought that there’s still something between us.As promised, he came back from working on the ranch midday, and we went for our walk. This place is so damn beautiful, part of me doesn’t want to leave. I know that Noah won’t say no because he needs help with Richard, but I want him to want me. Every so often, he just stops and looks at Richard, even when he’s crying. When I first came, he was acting like the competent dad, but now he kind of looks lost. We’re on the sofa crashing out because we know that we have around four hours before Richard wakes up and needs another feeding. “Kylie,” he says as he looks at me with fire in his eyes. I’m leaning on his shoulder, hoping that this is the moment that I’ve been waiting for. It’s as if
“Wow, I guess that I’ve got a lot of work to do to keep up with you.” I laugh as I wrap my arms around her. “More the other way around. It reminds me of back in the hotel, the wedding… the time you told me to keep away from you.”I shake my head because that’s not exactly the way I remember it. If anything, it was more the other way around. “You told me that it wasn’t a good idea. Your mom and Terrance had just gotten married, and you told me that it was best we didn’t take it any further.”She moves away from me. “You know nothing about women.”Apparently not, because that's what she told me. I never knew that there was double meaning in it. How was I supposed to know? She would call and make sure that I wasn't at the same events as her. It was pretty clear that she wanted nothing to do with me. Not anymore.“Just going to the bathroom. Be back in a minute.”I want to tell her not to be long. It’s as if not feeling her body next to me has made me feel cold again. I wake up alone a
I can’t believe it. I’m sitting down, and all these songs are rolling through me. It’s as if this musical constipation has turned into diarrhea and they’re pouring out of me. “What are you doing?” Noah asks as he starts to grope my tits. I look down, and Richard’s on his bouncy chair—a gift from Terrance, who has become obsessed with spoiling him ever since he got the paternity results. The whole house looks like a nursery. There isn’t a toy or baby stuff not occupying one part of the house. It’s sweet watching him fuss over someone else apart from himself. Luckily, Noah has a piano, which he said that he bought with me in mind. He felt that his home had to have one to have a piece of me. That felt kind of sweet, knowing that when he bought this place and decorated it, he was thinking of me. I don’t know what it is because everything’s clicking like crazy. We go for walks every day, and I submitted a couple of recordings to my manager—my official manager—who said that he would forw