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Verge of collapsing

作者: Sinner
last update 公開日: 2026-05-12 22:13:54

Nikolai

My chest hurts.

And I just can’t explain the feeling properly.

Probably it started when Nathaniel told me to leave, or when I clearly saw the pain in his eyes, begging me to leave.

He couldn’t even stand my presence, and that thought had something hard choking me.

Eventually, I slowly backed away before turning around and walking off.

I curled my hands into fists, feeling the overwhelming anger boiling through my veins.

This is all my fault.

I shouldn’t have underestimated Liam. I shoul
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  • Sixty Shades Of Ice   Finally confrontation of father and son

    NikolaiMy gaze icy cold, I unapologetically held my father at gunpoint.The place had turned chaotic instantly.“What the hell?” snarled the Pakhan, rooting out his gun and having it perfectly aimed at me.But he wasn’t the only one who held his gun out. His men, along with my father’s guards, also aimed at me.“Have you lost your mind… what… What are you talking about?” stuttered Grey, realizing that he had given himself away.“Let go of him, boy,” glared the Pakhan.And if it wasn’t for the fact that he was the leader and also dearest Anya’s father, I would have done the first honor of putting a bullet in his head.Smirking, I glanced at Volkov. “This is a family matter—”I didn’t even get to complete my statement before a loud banging sound erupted.The entire place was pushed into a frantic stampede.“Everyone on the ground! FBI!! Ground now!”Smoke blurred through, where it was a complete madhouse at this point.Jeremy sure did get his people on point in order to create such a c

  • Sixty Shades Of Ice   Engagement gone wrong

    NikolaiIt’s nauseating.I can’t fucking breathe.Harshly, I tugged on my tie, feeling like my oxygen supply was being snatched away from me.People blurred around me, where I could barely focus properly on everything that was happening.Congratulatory words flew through the air.And I hated it.I hated every fucking one of them.How dare they be happy?How dare they act like nothing happened?Like they hadn’t murdered my baby in cold blood.Their hands…Blood…My baby’s blood covered their hands.They’re filthy.I need… I need to…I stumbled backward softly, holding my head as the voices in my head kept getting louder.Stop…Stop…Please…I can’t—“Niko.” Jeremy’s voice sounded.I felt his eyes scanning me… judging me.“You look like shit, get it together.” Saying this, he immediately grabbed me by the elbow, pulling me away before someone noticed that I was losing my shit and eventually ended up killing all these motherfuckers.Pulling me to the corner, Jeremy sighed loudly, with me

  • Sixty Shades Of Ice   Sacrifices of hearts

    Nikolai“You finally came back to your senses, huh?” My father patted my shoulders, smirking at me through the mirror.I remained expressionless, mainly because I was trying to calm myself the fuck down so I wouldn’t punch Grey’s godforsaken face.Breathe, Nikolai.Fucking breathe.Though I kept whispering those words to myself, I found it difficult to pay heed to them myself.“The Pakhan will be so excited, and this marriage will make our family one of the powerful families in the organization after your marriage to his daughter.”My jaw tightened as I tugged on my tie one last time.Smoothing the crease off, he smiled. “You make me proud, son. You’re finally thinking like a Carrington.”“Thank you, Father.”He shook his head, completely pleased. Giving me one last encouraging look, he walked out of the room.And the facade that was there in the first place fell off.I stared at my reflection again.My eyes were completely devoid of any emotion, as the person currently standing there

  • Sixty Shades Of Ice   Denial

    NikolaiFour days later.My eyelids were fucking heavy.So heavy that it hurt.The bright, sharp, blinding lights peered into my vision.“Hmmm…” I grunted, holding my head, which fucking felt like a burden on my neck.I blinked again as my vision stabilized.I was in my room in the Elite mansion-“He’s awake. Niko is up.” Clinton’s familiar voice echoed in my hearing.Holding my head, I slowly pushed myself up, with Clinton immediately rushing to my side.“Don’t move recklessly, you might get dizzy again.” He carefully helped me sit, stuffing a pillow behind my back.The door opened, and Jeremy strolled in. Dark eye circles painted his eyes.I opened my mouth, which was harshly dry, but I managed to say,“Is Nathaniel back?” I curiously looked behind Jeremy, in hopes of my baby walking through the door.Clinton and Jeremy remained mute.Frowning, I snapped a deadly gaze at Clinton.“Where the fuck is Nathaniel? I fucking asked you a question. Where’s my baby?”Clinton squeezed his jea

  • Sixty Shades Of Ice   All over again…..

    NikolaiMy heart was in my throat.I couldn’t breathe.I didn’t dare breathe.Jeremy sat close to me in the station, his hand over mine, trying to walk me through my breathing.I couldn’t.I jumped up again, pacing around.Of course I knew this was all bullshit. It couldn’t be my baby. It couldn’t be my pretty boy. It couldn’t be Nathaniel.Tears pricked my eyes.Clinton stepped forward, squeezing my shoulders in an attempt to comfort me.“It can’t be him, right? It can’t be fucking him, right?” My gaze turned to Jeremy, wanting him to give me something… anything.His eyes were emotionless.And it was damn deliberate.It broke me.“You think it’s him?” I whispered, feeling all the demons in my head crawling beneath my skin.Jeremy calmly stood up.“What I think doesn’t matter, Niko. But you keeping your shit together definitely matters.”Hearing him…Sounding so emotionless…I snapped out of Clinton’s hold and charged toward Jeremy.I grabbed him by the collar, slamming him against th

  • Sixty Shades Of Ice   Please…. Please….please…..

    NikolaiIt’s been two days now.Bloody two fucking days.I think I’ve completely lost my sanity over the past forty-eight hours.“You need to sleep, Niko,” Jeremy said as we studied the city layout spread across the table. Maps, CCTV locations, hospital records, traffic routes, phone logs—every possible lead lay scattered before us. We had searched every place Nathaniel could’ve gone, and every single trail had gone cold.I blinked heavily, my eyelids burning with exhaustion while every muscle in my body screamed for rest.I shook my head, dragging a hand through my hair. “I can’t sleep, Jeremy. I can’t let him down.”My baby had been missing for two days.Somewhere between searching every corner of this city and getting nothing in return…I had completely lost it.I hadn’t eaten. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d showered, and every time I closed my eyes, I saw Nathaniel smiling at me before walking away… only to disappear. The thought alone made my stomach twist.Jeremy slid a b

  • Sixty Shades Of Ice   Wrong Order

    NathanielAnother painfully groan tore from my lips as I tried wrapping my bruised fingers.I was back in my tiny shabby apartment, which thankfully could accommodate my small bed, and a small desk and table.Gritting my teeth, I finally bandaged it properly, letting out an exhausted gasp.I flexed

  • Sixty Shades Of Ice   Fucked Up

    NathanielTapping my foot nervously on the ground, I checked my wristwatch, feeling an invisible sweat trail down my forehead.“Mr. Lockwood, do you mind telling us which artery is responsible for delivering blood and nutrients to the cerebral cortex?” The professor’s eyes fixed on me. Instantly, m

  • Sixty Shades Of Ice   Out of character

    NathanielPlating the creamy pasta and salad, I sighed, shaking my head.“Can you quit the staring? You’re creeping me out.”When I turned slightly, I found Nikolai seated there, his gaze completely fixed on me. Unmoving. Intense. Like I was the only thing in the room worth looking at.I had to bre

  • Sixty Shades Of Ice   Getting Toxic

    NathanielWeird.What’s he doing in an ice cream shop?He doesn’t actually seem like someone who’s up for these kinds of things.I stood, frowning hard as I watched Professor Leo hurriedly walk out.My phone vibrated in my hand again.I answered the call, sighing heavily.“Hi……” I said, clutching h

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