ARII shouldn’t have kissed him.It was a mistake. Once the high faded, it all came crashing down, and all that was left ringing in my mind was that I had kissed him—Zade.Sure, it was a drunken dare, a spur of the moment but the shame … the shame I feel and the revolting feeling that is churning in my gut.I threw myself at him the first chance I could and he knew it. He knew I would or he knew that I couldn’t resist him, not even after what he had done so far. It doesn’t matter if he is mean to me, rejects me, or even downright humiliates me, I am still attracted to him.I still want him and I want him to want me back, and he knows it.“You're doing great, now repeat!” Max blows a whistle, and I wince, my ears ringing as I push back the nausea that I feel, before springing into a run and doing the rep she has arranged for today.It's so early in the morning. The sun has barely broken the sky, and the air is so cold and cutting. My breath is labored as I run through the snow-covered
ZADEIt was my first time getting flustered.For once I didn’t know what to do, as she walked away after she had kissed me. The best kiss … no.Simply no.I wanted to grab her hand, push her against me and take her lips again in mine, savor it .., chase that feeling again where all things ceased to exist, where time stopped and everything was quiet.Quiet but fiery, raw and so intense I felt like having her there and then.I let her walk away. I had to, because this was already bad as it was, and I didn’t want to make it unbearable for the both of us.Olivia wasn’t happy when I went back to the party, asking me if I didn’t love her anymore, if I was rethinking us and all I wanted to do was go to her.But I couldn’t do that, I had a girlfriend, I had a life and a future and none of those things included silvers. She was a distraction, someone who made my life harder, not easier and smoother like it was supposed to. She posed a challenge I wasn’t in the mood for.An unnecessary challeng
ARI“You are my mate, no?”“Am I?” I cock my head to the side. “Are you finally accepting me when you have all but rejected me since the moment we were fated?”He doesn’t seem to have expected that, a frown forming on his brows. “You know what I mean.”“Do I? Zade, you and I will never be. Yes, we have kissed, yes you were my first in terms of it. But that doesn’t mean anything to me. To me, you will remain the jerk who forcibly kissed me and destroyed the absolute joy of kissing for the first time.”“Aren’t you taking this-““No,” I cut him off. “I am stating things as they are. I kissed you yesterday and I admit, it was good. But that could be because you are my mate and our chemistry is meant to be there. I know why I am feeling the way I am feeling about you.“But you don’t like me, no you actually hate me.”His eyes flash and he purses his lips in a thin line. “Good to know that you have finally got that little fact.”“I have. You promised to make my life a living hell, remember?
ARI“Oh, I feel awful,” I moan as I rub my chest. “This really sucks.”“Get yourself a new crush. No, maybe explore and just be free about the whole thing.”“How? My whole world and focus point seems to be on one person and I can't move on past that.”“Try to, it won't be easy but it will help. Go out and mingle with other people outside this school.”“We are in the middle of nowhere,” I gesture around us.“Not really, we are at the centre of a very hot point. Miles away, there is a town and it is very active. Maybe if you take this as a trial, you will do well when we go back to the academy.”“And at the academy, all I will meet are more students.”“No dummy, outside the academy. In the city, and surrounding towns … you might even take vacations and travel too. Your world is your oyster. Live a little.”Live a little … can I do that?…A solo hunt.Not for boys, or for even eating but for myself.I wanted to go out with the girls but Mimi said it would be good if I started alone at f
ARIEyes are on me as I make my way to my seat.Today, unlike the past few days, it's snowing heavily. I am ready to go back to the academy, back to my own dorm and space. This place is beautiful, but I have had enough of being in close quarters with certain people.Here, you feel like you are so close and being watched all the time. There isn't enough space for all of us, even though this is a large resort enough to fit twice the group and remain more than comfortable.I guess I am just tired of the scrutiny because the whole class is now staring at me like they have never seen me.I don’t even bother to acknowledge the stares, just zipping my puffer jacket to my chin and then pocketing my hands, and eyes at the teacher.Today it's all about communal. Relationships. Cohesiveness.Everything that will remind me that I am unwanted and I am not part of the pack.“Don’t be so gloomy, we are stuck together.”Max shoulder bumps me on my side and I nod, briefly looking at her before I look
ARII might have done something that I shouldn’t have done.Not yet, at least.Here I am, out in the open facing my duel opponent, Olivia.I didn’t know it would come to this; a duel. When I told her that I could beat her, well, I didn’t know that could be termed as a challenge and an invitation for a duel.I knew I had fallen into some sort of trap when she had only smirked and told me to meet her outside where there was plenty of space to prove that ‘little’ theory correct.Max had stiffened next to me and Zade… well. It's his girlfriend and his fated mate dueling, indeed he could have said something.Anything.He didn’t and he isn't going to, not when he is acting like this whole thing is an inconvenience for him and acting all nonchalant. I want him to go, or do something but he isn't, he is just here, listening to Olivia talk where they are all gathered.The legacies.There aren't any other people around, as the other group is out somewhere doing their assigned tasks it's just us
ARII see white behind my eyes when she throws me on the ground with my back, I think my back might snap in two.Breathing is heavy, I think my lungs are punctured.Something heavy presses on my chest, and I feel like I am choking. I cough up painfully, and something travels on my mouth corners.I think someone is screaming and shouting, and then the pressure is gone.“Ari,” someone is shaking my shoulders. “come on, don’t pass out on me, Ari? Ari!”Max. Max is here.“I don’t think you are allowed to be a part of the duel unless you want penalties.”“And you think killing her is going to be a fair match for you?!”“get out now while I am being nice to you. This is between me and her.”“no more, the duel is over, she is down.”“no, the duel is over when I say it's over.”“This is insane! Zade, come on, don’t you see she is killing her?!”“get out now max, I know I can take you too. If you don’t want me to hurt your friend any longer, step away.”I try getting up but my whole body is in
ZADE“How is she?”Max is furious. She can't even look at me, and I know she would shout and even hit me, but she can't. But I know why, I didn’t do well, and this time, even a cruel person like me understands why I shouldn’t have done what I did.It's not what I did; it's more like what I didn’t do.I watched Olivia being beaten and humiliated like she was nothing. All legacies were there as we watched, not batting an eye even as Olivia tried to choke her and drown her in her blood.I didn’t do anything, not even try to stop the duel that was very unbalanced and unfair, all in the name of wanting to remain impartial. If I showed Olivia that I cared about her, then she would have been I trouble.But … what trouble? She was already going through hell in her hands. Does it go darker or worse than what she got? No.I was juts a shitty person, a cold person like she has told me over and over again.“You don’t have the right to ask me that.”I don’t, but it feels like the right thing to do
ARIZade is letting me take what I need from him, this time letting me have my way on my terms.It has been that way from the very beginning, but tonight, it's like he wants me to take care of myself using him and, in a way, take care of himself too, by using him.So when I guide him and press him on my opening, we both freeze, breathing heavily before I urge him with a pull of his hips to push inside me.And heavens, it feels delicious. The stretch, the feeling of him opening me up as my walls accommodate him until he is fully seated inside me …I contract, squeezing him, feeling the girth inside me and I want to swallow more of him, suck him in and keep him there … it’s a heady, good feeling.“Why won't you love me?” The hoarse whisper makes me open my eyes just as Zade looks at me. He is …crying?“What?” I ask, eyes wide.“Why did you say you can't love me?”“Because,” I shift, and we both groan. His hips jerk in response, and he starts moving slowly. He has forgotten about the que
ARIWhen the body is exposed to extreme cold, at some point, it stops supplying the less important parts with blood in order to save the vital organs.It has been quite similar to me. I have spent most of my life just functioning, and apparently it has been necessary for my body to cut off supplies to some of the things anyone my age would deem normal to have.There hasn’t been a case where I could feel anything other than flight and flight. But eventually, here I am.My body is thawing, slowly coming to life, and it feels so good.Zade’s tongue is slicking inside my mouth, seeking and touching every crevice inside. His body is pressed to mine to keep me up, one thigh pressed between my legs, one hand grabbing my butt, hips flushed.I am weak at my knees. I want him, I can feel him, and I am floating. I know I am kissing him, but I am also falling and falling, feeling safe that he will catch me.It’s a dam that has been let loose.He is mine. I shouldn’t feel this way. I should feel g
ZADE“But then it will be another, then another… if you can be swayed so easily, then is it even worth it?”“I wasn’t swayed easily. You and I know that there is more to us than a bond between mates.”“Hard to believe that when all that connects us is that.”“Our parents do connect us, too. Do you think we wouldn’t have crossed paths if we hadn’t been mates?”“We could have, but you would be intent on killing me or destroying my life like you did at the beginning.”“That’s true. But you can just chalk up my feelings and invalidate them, simplify them to one variable.”“It’s the only thing that is making sense. I mean, here I am, sitting in your love sanctuary, surrounded by your memories with her, and yet you are telling me it's me you want. What about her? Why was it so easy for you to just leave her?”“If you hadn't shown up, I already knew it would rather be her that I pretended with, cosplayed my inner wishful thinking even though it wasn’t true.”I close my eyes briefly before lo
ZADEThere is something dark, alluring, and compelling about Ari Silvers that I have never been able to fully comprehend.Her beauty and magnetism are not the traditional kind. It's raw, demands that you see her, revere her, and ache to be close to her, so you can bathe in it.She is beautiful in the traditional sense as well, but then you look again. And again, and again. You are drawn in, wanting, needing, desiring, and even wanting to corrupt.She is pure, she is dark, she is innocent, but also twisted. She is all that you wish you could hold and covet to yourself, but you cannot. For it is not to be held by others and coveted, stolen, but to be looked at, worshiped, and if you are good, to be bathed in.But never yours.She is sitting on the rooftop.I followed the feeling of our bond, and I am surprised, a little unsure why she would be here. This is where she fell, almost to her death after all.Her knees are pressed against her chest as she looks at the far distance, lost in wh
ZADEI stop behind one balding man, I think he is here because he is a legacy. Not the official family but still as important. I can see the sweat trickling down his neck into the stiff, tight suit he is wearing.If I wasn’t so sure before, now standing behind him as he reeks of fear … it's solid. My hand goes through his back, and I touch the organ that’s beating and warm in my palm.Gasps echo around, but no one says a word, as they look at me with horrified expressions, save for my father, of course.“This man,” I turn to Jude, “you missed this man.” My fingers close around the beating organ and pull my hand back. The body shakes, twitching before his head thumps on the table like a log. The scent of blood permeates the air, thickening it with the tension and fear pulsing in the room.I walk over to Jude and let the organ fall on his file, and he looks at it, eyes wide. I am sure he isn't breathing. After all, I just killed a legacy, and he has a lot of mess to clean up.And also,
ZADEWe are back to ignoring each other.Or to be more precise, Ari has gone back to hating my guts and ignoring my existence. And when she sees me, when our eyes meet, those first two seconds, time seems to slow down, and it's only us. The world fades away, and it's us, and I usually get this feeling in my chest, this heavy thing that is threatening to drown me, but in a sweet way.It's only us, as if we know something, just the two of us, and then the moment is snapped and broken, and she is back to scowling at me, rolling her eyes.But I know, those few seconds, where it is only us, when time stops and we only see each other, feel each other… that is the truth of us.She told me she wanted devotion and then proceeded to lock herself in the bedroom before she left early in the morning, even though we did spend the night together.I didn’t sleep, not when she was in the next room and I knew she wasn’t asleep either. I listened to her breathing, every turn and twist in the bed.I list
ARI“What's going on inside this little mind?” his voice is so close to me, nose brushing my temple.I should feel something. A tingle, but I am so damn tired. All I want is to sleep, forget that I exist for a few hours before I start going back to my life. I can't escape it anymore, now can I?“Nothing,” I sigh. “I am just a little sleepy.”Is he expecting more from me tonight?I wish I had the girls with me. They would allow me to be in your space. Maybe I should call them, text them, but I don't have my phone. I remember crashing it in the hotel suite before I walked out into the traffic.Maybe I am not as okay as I think. But getting a grip is important.If I am going to avenge and face the people who ruined me to begin with, I can't let go of the reality. I need to be focused and work hard to make sure they don’t destroy me before I destroy them.I know I am not going to come out of it. The plans I made to go study law as further studies, get out of the pack and live my life as a
ARIMy life is a mess.It’s a fucked life, painful, dry, bland, void of colour.I am ugly too, rotting slowly inside, underserving of anything good because that’s just what is set in stone for me.Despite it all, despite feeling all of that, as Zade looks at me like I mean something, like I matter … I can't help but want to be under that gaze for a longer time.He is looking at me how he used to look at Olivia, like he might love me, like I mean something. He wants to know if I am okay, taking care of me, a gentle, caring touch on my cold, withering soul.I don’t deserve it, and yet.I yearn for it. Crave it. I can't not shudder under it.“Do you want me to ask you?”Yes. I want him to ask me. I want him to push for me to tell him what's going on in my head. For him to fight for me. I am selfish like that. Mother didn’t say anything untrue, because here I am, asking and taking what doesn’t belong to me.I came into this life, took Olivia’s man under fate’s guidance, and yes. It hurt.
ARII don’t think I have ever truly let myself think deeply about Zade, who is becoming, and his birthright. I am not one to attach my identity to the boy I am seeing or crushing on, and in this case, the boy I am mated to.But it's still heavy. I find it … sexy that he is already so mature, powerful too, and it's only going to get even better.Yes, I think I am crushing on Zade, and I can't control choking on my water once that fully hits me.“Are you okay?” he asks me as he rushes to my side, rubbing my back.“Yeah,” I wheeze out. “Guess I am a little surprised.”“Why?” he chuckles as he gets back to cooking.“The first thing someone sees when they see you is how spoiled you are.” That’s not true.The first thing I saw and felt when I first laid my eyes on him was just how magnetic and powerful he was. Yes, you could tell from miles away that he is wealthy, but it wasn’t the kind I got from the rest of the students.No, his was the quiet, generational wealth that just didn’t come fr