Chapter 17

“Don’t you think that guy’s too hot?” I heard Kath whisper to Lilibeth.

“Look at that smile. Darn, that set of teeth.” Lilibeth said. She sounded dreamy. “He looked so good. Dark blond men are always hot.”

I could sympathize with them. But Ugh! It was bad enough that I couldn’t stop stealing glances at him but to have my employees openly discussing his attractiveness only added to my discomfort.

“Yeah, he’s definitely a sight for sore eyes,” Kath replied with a giggle. “And did you see the way he looked at that woman? Like she hung the moon or something.”

Stop it already!

I busied myself with paperwork, desperately trying to focus on anything other than the conversation behind me.

“It’s so unfair,” Lilibeth sighed wistfully. “Why do all the handsome guys have to be taken?”

I felt a knot form in the pit of my stomach. I felt like throwing the papers at them. Their conversation only reminded me of the painful truth that Caleb had moved on with someone else.

With a forced smile plastered on my lips, I turned to face Kath and Lilibeth, trying to act as though their words hadn’t affected me. “Well, it looks like he’s found his match,” I said, “now, now, let’s focus on our work, shall we?”

Again, I looked at his way and saw Caleb’s smile. Indeed, he had one of the most beautiful smiles in the world. He had lips you would wish to touch with yours forever. His smile was genuine, his eyes sparkling as he listened to what the woman was saying.

But now, his smile felt like a knife twisting in my chest. Bitterness gnawed at my heart. I realized he had literally taken unfriendingto the heart, seeing he never even acknowledged me by my name.

With a heavy sigh, I turned my attention away from them.

“Darn, another son of Adam walked in, Kath.” Lilibeth silently screeched. “Damned hot!”

Kath giggled giddily. “I’m loving this job.” I found their youthful reactions amusing despite myself.

I followed their gaze and felt my breath catch in my throat as I saw Carl entering the cafe. He moved with a confident grace, his tall frame cutting a striking figure. His dark hair was tousled just so, enough to give him that look of a countryman. He had always been handsome.

His dark eyes scanned the room, and I held my breath. I felt ants everywhere in my body. Our eyes met, but briefly. I realized that he was looking right through me, and like Caleb, I was nothing more than a stranger.

Unfriended.

Unfriended.

My heart sank like a stone into a river, their indifference crushing my soul.

I forced a smile onto my lips, trying to mask the pain that threatened to consume me when Carl walked past the counter without glancing in my direction. He made a beeline for Caleb’s table, where he greeted them with a warm smile. My chest tightened as I watched them exchange pleasantries.

I can’t cry now.

When Lilibeth and Kath tackled more orders, I placed all the paperwork inside my case. I had to leave.

“Darell, I dare you to ask Kath for her phone number,” Mike said with a mischievous grin, nudging his friend playfully.

Darell’s eyes widened in mock horror. “Are you trying to get me killed, man? Kath’s got that death stare that could kill me in an instant.”

“Come on, man, don’t be a chicken,” Mike teased, egging Darell on. “I bet she’s just waiting for a handsome devil like you to sweep her off her feet.”

Darell shot me a nervous glance, his face turning bright red. They knew I could hear them. “I don’t know, man. I don’t have the courage.”

I knew that it was time for me to make my exit. “Just tell her Darell. But make sure it won’t affect your performance here.” I said, forcing a genuine smile. “Sorry, guys, but I’ve got to head out,” I said, feeling exhausted as I made my way towards the backdoor. “Mike, tell Lisa to close the shop when it’s time. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

My heart felt heavy, and the lump forming in my throat threatened to choke me when I finally let go of my tears.

I got inside the car, and suddenly, longing tugged at my heart. I wanted to turn back, to confront them, but I knew that I couldn’t. Not now, not ever. It was me who made a choice. I had chosen to walk away, to take my own path so that they would find their own happiness without having to share a woman.

But that woman...

Caleb and Carl were with a woman.

Was she their...?

I felt my lips tremble, my heart tightening. Crying was the only escape I could hold on for now.

I didn’t remember how I made it home. I needed a bath. My mind felt numb, their images swirling around me in a haze of pain. I stumbled out of the car and made my way to the front door, my body moving on autopilot as I entered my home.

I allowed myself to sink into the bath, but my tears wouldn’t stop. It was okay, though. I could cry. It was okay. Yes, it was okay to cry.

Every fiber of my being had hoped that seeing Caleb and Carl moving on would bring me a sense of closure, that I would be relieved if they found happiness without me. But I felt numb and hollow. That couldn’t have been further from the truth. The reality of it was so much more agonizing than I could have ever imagined.

Seeing them again, and not even recognizing my presence felt like a stab to my chest. They could have said “HI!”

It was as if the universe was mocking me, reminding me of what I had lost and what I could never have again.

...

I couldn’t sleep. The hours stretched on endlessly while I lay in bed. I had already turned off all the lights so that there was nothing but darkness, however, my eyes had adjusted to the darkness yet I couldn’t sleep still.

Tossing and turning, my mind was on relentless thoughts of them.

Had I made the right choice in walking away? If I answered that question now, I’d be lying to myself.

I didn’t think there was a future for me beyond the pain and heartache. It was depressing.

No! I couldn’t be depressed. Unfriended. Stranger. I didn’t exist. I was replaced. They were happy.

Yeah. Absorb everything, Sasha.

Defeated, I got up. If I couldn’t sleep, then I had to break free from these suffocating thoughts. I needed distraction. I couldn’t stay like this. I was supposed to celebrate, right? They were happy. They had moved on.

I never had a man since then, thinking that I would be so selfish if I entertained a man. I felt like if I entered a relationship, I would be cheating, but now that they were happy, it should be time for me to move on.

With a sudden surge of determination, I made a spur-of-the-moment decision...to get any available man somewhere.

Without a second thought, I slipped into a sleek black dress, the fabric clinging to my curves like a second skin, and pulled on a pair of heels that clicked against the hardwood floor as I made my way to the door. I just wore my hair down, covering my exposed back.

The cool night air made me shudder, electrifying every nerve in my body.

I hailed a cab and directed the driver to take me to the hottest club in town. I wouldn’t need a car tonight. I could get the man to take me home, and I would want him to use me the way he would want to, to make me forget everything that happened today.

As the cab pulled up to the curb, I could feel the pulse of the music reverberating through the pavement. After paying, I made my way towards the entrance of the club.

A wave of excitement hit me, drowning out the lingering doubts. Yeah, I needed this. I had to think that the possibilities were endless tonight and that the future was mine to shape as I saw fit.

As I made my way through the crowded club, the pulsating beat of the music reverberated through the air. Since when had I last done this?

The dimly lit interior was alive with energy, the dance floor packed with bodies moving in rhythm to the music.

Approaching the bar counter, I caught the eye of the bartender, a tall and handsome man with a friendly smile. He looked at me, taking in my appearance with a look of admiration.

“Wow, look at you,” he said. “You’re absolutely stunning.”

“Thank you,” a blush crept across my cheeks. Good thing, that wouldn’t be obvious.

The bartender flashed me a charming grin as he leaned in closer. “Can I get you a drink?”

“Surprise me,” I said with a playful smile.

He nodded, and soon expertly mixed together a concoction of spirits and flavors, his hands moving with precision and grace. Moments later, he slid the drink across the counter towards me.

“Thank you,” I said and took a sip. I was greeted by a burst of flavor dancing across my taste buds, the perfect blend of sweetness and spice. “Wow, you really know your stuff,” I said genuinely. He was good.

He grinned with a hint of pride on his smile. “It’s all part of the job,” he replied modestly. “But I have to say, it’s not often I come across someone as striking as you.”

That made me giggle. Raising my glass in a silent toast to the night ahead. I took another sip of my drink. He wasn’t my type though. He looked kind and friendly. I didn't feel it with him.

There was something I needed in a man tonight.

I needed someone who could break me.