A Son's Dangerous Desire:(3)

"I think...I think you know that what you called me...whore...is a word men use to degrade women. To make them feel like things. Do you think of me that way?"

"No!"

She smiled. It was amazing how good it made me feel.

"I didn't think so. I think you probably repeated something you heard on tv...or from your father. As for the other part...when you saw me there, before we fought, did you think...that I was attractive? Was it the first time you saw me as a woman...and not just your mother?" she asked hesitantly. I was dimly aware of there being a flush on her cheeks, but I didn't understand why it was there.

I could tell what she was getting at. Just a normal, if badly timed, sexual awakening. Nothing to worry about, only teenage boy stuff. The problem was that it wasn't true. I had been attracted to girls for a long time by then. This was different. Even now I found myself getting hard just looking at her. Her eyes were red, but they held so much love. Her face was open and full of vulnerability. And the shirt clung to her in ways that I don't think she was aware of. I'd never felt this kind of aching desire combined with affection before.

"I think," I started, hesitating, then becoming more certain, "I think you're the most beautiful sexy woman that I've ever seen. It's just that I only noticed it today. I know it's not ok for me to think of you like that, but it's true. I'll try not to be...uh, weird about it."

Her whole face turned red. I honestly thought she was angry again. But then her lips parted and she leaned towards me. It should have made me uncomfortable but instead it lit me up inside. I caught her scent. Not her perfume, but the plain simple scent of her body, and I was suddenly harder than I had ever been in my life. She kissed me, softly, on the lips. It was over much too fast, and I thought i heard her sigh a little as she drew back.

"You're a good and handsome young man, and...and any woman would be happy with you as a lover. Now let's get you something to eat."

I was lost for a moment. Stunned at the boldness of what she had done and the implications of what she had said. But then she was back to mom-mode again suddenly. She made me a simple sandwich, got me something do drink, and then sat smiling at me while I ate it. When I was done she apologized again and then let me back to my room. I was happy with being mothered like this, it had been over a year since she'd really done anything like that. I went to bed and passed into deep sleep beyond dreams. I think she watched me while I dozed off.

--2--

When I woke up I felt better than I had in months. I felt confident and loved. I understood that my mom still loved me. Completely apart from the sexual confusion of the previous night that took a weight off of my shoulders that I wasn't even really aware of. When I came into the kitchen I noticed that things were different between me and her.

She smiled at me and kissed me on the cheek, and then put some food in front of me. It was very normal. But there was something in her eyes, a hunger. I liked it. And she was wearing a sundress that I had never seen her in before, or at least didn't remember. It was a pretty simple, floral pattern of yellow on white. But the front was lower cut than I was used too, and the hem stopped pretty far above her knee. She looked gorgeous in it, and I was painfully aware of it.

At that moment I realized how hard I was and how much I needed to jack off. I was too tired last night and I didn't think of it this morning. Normally I tried to do so multiple times a day. I was hard again now, and my balls ached. I think she knew that I was watching her as she moved around the kitchen, taking care of various chores. She swung her hips quite a bit, and found excuses to bend over. I watched the hem of her dress rise and could see her panties. They were small and lacey. I couldn't believe it.

She turned around and faced me as I finished my breakfast. She had a mischievous smile on her face as she opened her mouth to speak, but I never found out what she was about to say.

The door opened loudly and my father came inside. I could smell stale beer. He poked his head in the kitchen long enough to say "I'm going to bed. Don't wake me."

I could see that the way he said it was meant as an order. Probably to put mom in her place, make her aware of how little he cared for her except as a domestic servant. Something else happened though.

"Ok dear, we won't bother you," She looked at me meaningfully as she continued, "Honey, why don't you get dressed and come with me to pick up Becky. I might need some help with carrying some shopping..."

I didn't understand why she wanted me to tag along, but I didn't want to mess up this new mood. She was happy, she was kind, and that was enough for me. Even being as sexually frustrated as I was at that moment, I had no idea of how things were about to change for me.

Dad ignored the subtext and went to the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Mom winked at me and I went to get dressed quickly. Soon we were driving away in the beat up family minivan. I noticed that we were going in the opposite direction of Becky's friend's house, but I didn't say anything. I was curious and felt a kind of heat in my chest. I wouldn't have been able to explain it then but I knew that it was anticipatory of something.

She didn't talk but she was smiling and humming the whole way. A few times I caught her looking at me out of the corner of her eye. Then she'd shift a little in her seat and I'd suddenly be able to see just a little more thigh or the strap of her dress would fall a little off of her shoulder. Slowly, because I've never been the smartest about relationships, I began to realize that I was being teased...no, not teased. Teasing is maybe a promise but can also be a lie. I was being seduced. There was no doubt that the meaningful glances promised something, even if I wasn't experienced enough to understand it.