Chapter 9

Sam

Packing an overnight bag, I follow Sean down to his truck. He looks agitated as he speaks into the phone held tight to his ear. Leaning back against the hood, his long legs crossed at the ankles, he looks serious and sexy at the same time. When I step out the front door of my apartment building, he lifts his gaze to mine and falls silent, stroking his hand over his chin as he watches me approach. While he headed outside to calm down and get some fresh air, I took my time showering and getting ready. If I’m honest with myself, I wanted to remind him of the old me. The first version of me he met in the bar that night. I want to remind myself of the old me while I’m at it. This is the closest I’ve felt to it in a long time. That sleep has done wonders for me.

The red nails and black skin-tight jeans are back. Black heeled boots and a figuring hugging white vest top complete the look, showing off my assets and giving me some wiggle in my step. I want him to look at me like he used to. Like I’m sex on legs and not a weak little girl who needs to be minded.

Clearing his throat, Sean pushes away to his feet, his call forgotten, and lets his eyes roam up and down my body. It’s a struggle to keep the smile off my face. He has me on edge every time I see him, so it’s nice to know that I can do the same to him.

“Where are we going?” I ask, opening my door before he has the chance to and throwing my back into the back seat.

“Home.” His tone is clipped and it puts my back up straight away. Surely, I get a say in where I’m going. I appreciate he's trying to help, but who made him the boss of me.

“Your home. Not mine, Sean. My home is here.” His step falters for a second before he pins me with a look designed to leave no room for disagreement.

“Just get in the truck.”

Anger flares within me and I’m on the verge of fighting with him just to prove a point, but when I look at him across the roof, I can see the strain on his face. Whatever he’s doing, he’s trying to help me. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want more time with him. Even if he’s mad at me, it’s better than him leaving.

I huff in protest but do what I’m told, sliding in and putting on my seatbelt. Sean passes me a bottle of water and a paper bag full of snacks. He’s trying to feed me.

“Thank you.” He nods, avoiding my eye as he throws an arm around my headrest as he reverses out of the parking spot. His intoxicating scent reaches me and I smother a moan. It’s torture being this close to him but having this invisible barrier between us. I slept curled around him last night, but today I don’t know if I’m allowed to touch him. No matter how much I want to. It’s so confusing and frustrating.

After making small talk about how the bar is going, how the regulars I got to know when I was propping up the bar every night are doing, I stop talking. Sean seems tense and I think he needs some time to think. As soon as we hit twisting and turning forest roads, I can feel myself unwinding. I thought I loved the city, and when I left here the last time, I convinced myself that I missed it. That I couldn’t live without the bright lights and busy nightlife. But it hasn’t felt the same. The tall buildings, crowded streets and bars, and unfriendly faces make it claustrophobic and daunting now.

The sight of all the greenery and the mountains surrounding Grey Ridge settles my soul, and I lean back, soaking it in. I close my eyes, and the next thing I know, I jolt awake to the sound of a closing door. Sitting bolt upright, I gasp, throwing out my hands wildly, but Sean’s there, standing at my door, his careful touch and voice soothing me instantly.

“Shit, sorry Sam, I didn’t mean to startle you.” He hangs his head and shakes it ruefully, and I can hear the guilt in his tone.

“Hey, I’m fine. I was just disoriented for a second. I can’t believe I fell asleep.” It feels so natural to reach out and grip his arm, to reassure him, but his gaze flicks to mine, and something heated passes between us before he steps back, breaking the contact. Re-establishing that barrier again.

It stings, but it’s nothing I don’t deserve. Glancing around, it takes me a second to realise where we are. When I do, my chest tightens and I look back to Sean again, mouthing thank you to him just as the front door of the enormous lodge flings open with a bang, and Hayley is rushing down the steps toward me.

“Oh my god, oh my god!” she cries, shouldering Sean out of the way and wrapping me up in the tightest hug I’ve ever had. Wow, she’s strong.

“I missed you too,” I whisper as she finally releases me and holds me out at arm’s length, scrutinizing me intently.

“I can’t believe you’re here. I thought you were avoiding me, that you didn’t want to be friends after what happened.”

Jesus, Hayley looks miserable. It’s the first time I’ve seen her since I left, the first time I’ve spoken to her, actually. Ignoring everyone’s calls, I only responded to texts, and I guess she felt blown off. Blamed.

“No, no, Hayley. I just haven’t been myself. I’m sorry.”

After more hugs, Sean walks us to the door, leaving us to chatter away and catch up. As I follow Hayley into the large open hallway and head toward the kitchen, I realise he’s stopped at the front steps, not crossing the threshold. I tilt my head, wondering why he’s standing there looking awkward and uncertain.

“I have to go to the bar and deal with a few things. I’ll be back.” My heart sinks. Is he just pawning me off on Hayley and Cooper? My disappointment must show on my face because Hayley steps up beside me.

“Dinner at 6 Sean. No excuses. Cooper will kill me if he has to listen to us all evening on his own.”

Sean looks torn for a moment and then nods, before leaving without another word. My shoulders droop as I watch him leave, even though I know he’s trying to do the right thing by bringing me to Hayley and giving us some time on our own.

“It’s okay, Sam. He’ll be back. You need to fill me in on what happened. The last time I spoke to him, he said you ended it, and he was completely torn up over it. How did you get back together?”

Hayley’s innocent question is like a kick in the stomach. We’re not back together and judging by the awkwardness of the car journey and that last interaction, maybe we never will be. My eyes swim with tears and Hayley’s face falls.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry. I just thought…” She looks out through the open door where Sean’s truck is disappearing around the bend. “Come on. I think we need to have a chat.”

She settles me in a little booth off to the side of the kitchen and potters around, getting tea and biscuits together before finally sitting down beside me. A couple of people come into the kitchen but a look from Hayley and they scuttle away, taking whatever food they want to go.

“Right. Enough stalling. Tell me everything,” Hayley demands, rolling her eyes after I finish an extremely lengthy report on how my job is going, the short version is badly, and what every mutual friend we have is up to.

“I’m a train wreck, Hayley. And I ruined everything with Sean because I freaked out about how much I needed him.”

“I thought you were doing okay.” Hayley looks tormented, and I can tell she feels this is all her doing.

“So did I. Or at least good enough to go back to work. But I’m a mess without him. And that’s not fair to him. But it doesn’t even matter because now he hates me, for good reason.”

“Rubbish.” A voice from the doorway startles me and I look up to see the impossibly glamorous Marie standing there, not even pretending that she hasn’t been listening to our conversation.

“Marie!” Hayley hisses, waving her hands in an attempt to shoo her out the door. Marie frowns at Hayley as if she doesn’t understand why she can’t just join in our private chat before walking over and sliding in beside me. Hayley groans and looks up at the ceiling, searching for the patience to deal with her eccentric mother-in-law.

“A man doesn’t bring back home the woman he loved if he still doesn’t feel something for her. He might be hurt now, but he’ll forgive you in time. You just need to be patient, dear.”

“But I was so awful to him. And I can barely function now. I don’t sleep, I can’t eat…” I look away, ashamed to admit how poorly I’ve been doing. Marie places her hand on top of mine and gives it a gentle squeeze, drawing my attention back to her.

“Did you ever think that maybe it’s not just the fire that has you feeling so off? Maybe it’s heartache and guilt. You feel so bad because you know you should be with him.”

In stunned silence, I stare at her. I go to argue, once, twice, but somewhere in the back of my head, something tells me she might be right. Hayley is watching my reaction with that poker face of hers calmly in place. She was thinking the same thing.

“I… I… but that would be ridiculous. We barely know each other,” I stutter out, but Marie just looks at me with sympathy.

“Sometimes these things are just… meant to be.” She wraps an arm around my shoulder and gives me a side hug before standing. “He’s a great man, Sam. If you want him, I’m sure you’ll be able to win him back. But you can’t hurt him again, so you better be certain this time that it’s for keeps.”

Truth bomb delivered, Marie decides her work here is done. She gives Hayley a kiss on the cheek, throws me a wink, and saunters out into the hallway.

“That woman is…” I don’t know how to describe it to Hayley, but she knows exactly what I mean. Nodding knowingly, she gives me a wry smirk.

“I know. Annoying isn’t it.”