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Chapter 6

Penulis: Cece West
Once.

Again.

The sound sent cold through my whole body.

I looked at the camera.

“I’m sorry, Emily.”

Someone objected.

“Who’s supposed to hear you when you talk that quietly?”

I raised my voice.

“I’m sorry.”

The man still blocked the gate.

“What else?”

I looked at him.

Without warning, tears began rolling down my face.

He smiled as though he had finally caught something exciting on camera.

“Look. She’s crying.”

I tried to squeeze past him.

He shoved me.

My knee struck the edge of a step, and I fell, catching myself with my palms on the gravel.

Short bursts of laughter rose around me.

The cameras followed my face.

I didn’t get back up.

Not because I had given in.

Because I was running out of time.

On my knees, I said what they demanded.

That I was the one who wouldn’t leave them alone.

That I was the one who couldn’t let go.

That people shouldn’t blame Emily because of me.

By the time they let me pass, I could barely hold my car keys.

As I drove out of the street, I saw them in the rearview mirror, looking down at the videos they had just recorded.

One laughed and raised a hand to high-five a friend.

When I reached the clinic, everyone at the nurses’ station looked up.

No one spoke immediately.

I knew.

I walked into the room.

Mom lay in bed.

The oxygen mask had been removed from her face.

I held on to the doorway.

Suddenly, I was afraid to go any closer.

Before I left, she had held my hand and asked me to bring back a soft blanket.

She said the clinic blankets scratched.

I opened the shopping bag, took out the new blanket, and spread it over her.

Then I held her hand.

It wasn’t completely cold yet.

I began calling her.

Quietly at first.

Then with growing urgency.

“Mom.”

“I’m back.”

“Look at me.”

A nurse tried to help me, but I refused to let go of Mom’s hand.

I don’t know how long I cried.

Eventually, no sound came out at all.

I could only open my mouth like a child who hadn’t yet learned how to ask for help.

The nurse who had looked after Mom was named Martha.

She crouched beside me and waited until I was a little calmer before telling me what Mom had said at the end.

“She kept asking for you.”

My fingers clenched.

Martha’s eyes were red, too.

“We told her you were on your way.”

“She said not to rush you. That you needed to be careful on the road.”

I bowed my head.

Tears fell onto the sheet.

“She also said that if you didn’t make it, we had to tell you she didn’t blame you.”

“Whatever the reason, she didn’t blame you.”

For a while, the only sound in the room was my breathing.

Then Martha added, “She wanted you to have a good life. She mentioned Jake, too. She hoped you would take good care of each other.”

I buried my face beside Mom’s hand.

She had never known.

Not even at the end.

She didn’t know what had become of the boy she had once looked after.

I arranged her funeral alone.

The funeral director asked whether there were any other family members he could contact.

I said no.

He glanced at the mate mark on my neck.

He didn’t ask again.

I chose the dark blue dress Mom liked, a pale wooden casket, and white roses from the florist.

A staff member handed me the order of service.

“Should we leave time for your mate to speak?”

I held the pen for a long time.

Then I took out my phone and called Jake.

He should at least come.

Not for me.

For the woman who had saved him a seat at Thanksgiving when he had nowhere else to go.

The phone rang for a long time.

Emily answered.

“Susan?”

I looked at Mom’s photograph.

“Let me speak to Jake.”

“He’s busy.”

My throat was painfully raw.

“Mom died.”

There was a brief pause.

Then I heard her laugh softly.

“Well, now you can finally stop using her as an excuse to make Jake run around after you.”

I held the phone.

I said nothing.

My silence seemed to please her.

“Actually, I have good news.”

I could hear equipment moving in the background.

“I’m pregnant. Jake’s here with me for the checkup.”

She spoke slowly.

As though she wanted to make sure I understood every word.

“The doctor says the baby’s developing beautifully.”

On the other end, Jake asked, “Who is it?”

His voice wasn’t loud.

But I heard it clearly.

I had spent so many nights waiting for him to come home.

Waiting for an explanation.

An apology.

At that moment, I didn’t even need him to love me.
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  • The Alpha’s Rejected Luna: His Regret   Chapter 40

    I lowered my head.At last, the tears fell.“I still miss you so much.”“Sometimes, when I finish cooking, I reach for an extra bowl without thinking.”“And I still want to call and ask what to do when the sheep won’t eat.”I wiped my face with the back of my hand and gave a small laugh.“Though you probably wouldn’t know, either.”The wind stirred the paper around the flowers.I sat there for a long time.No calls came in.No one told me to hurry back.No one needed me to manage their feelings first.Before leaving, I took out a photograph and held it in front of her headstone.In it, I stood on my own porch, my hair blown loose by the wind, holding a lamb that had escaped through the fence.Beth had called my name just before taking the picture.I hadn’t had time to arrange my face.I had simply laughed.It wasn’t a polished photograph.There was mud on my shoes.My sleeves were rolled to different heights.Behind me sat a pile of feed I hadn’t finished unpacking.But I loved it.“Th

  • The Alpha’s Rejected Luna: His Regret   Chapter 39

    I sat in front of her and slowly told her about the past year.I told her I’d bought a ranch.It wasn’t big, but it got wonderful sunlight.I told her about my neighbor, who was very direct and had informed me on her first visit that my sheep might be smarter than I was.I told her about the young French man I’d hired.He had been a good worker with an equally good appetite. Now he was interning at a much larger ranch.I told her I’d learned to repair a small section of fence.Though Beth hadn’t trusted it and had gone to check it again the next day.I laughed at that.Wind moved through the pines with a soft rustle.I paused.“Mom, I didn’t go back with Jake.”My eyes still burned when I said it.Not because I felt guilty.Because I could finally sit in front of her and tell her what I had truly chosen.“I know you used to love him.”“I did, too.”“But I don’t want to make excuses for him anymore.”I touched her name on the headstone.“And I don’t want to spend the rest of my life hat

  • The Alpha’s Rejected Luna: His Regret   Chapter 38

    He had lost a lot of weight.His once carefully styled hair had been cut short.His jacket looked worn. The sleeves were rolled back, exposing his wrists.When someone came to buy apples, he looked up and told them the price in an even voice.No one called him Alpha.No one rushed to explain themselves when he frowned.He handed over the change and said thank you.I watched for a while from behind the flower shop’s window.My chest didn’t suddenly tighten.There was no sense of victory, either.Only the clear realization that the man I’d once believed I could never escape was now simply someone making a life by the side of a road.He had lost his power because of what he’d done.Losing his legs was a separate act of violence. It wasn’t something to celebrate.The two things didn’t need to be confused.I didn’t have to save him.I didn’t have to watch him suffer to prove I’d survived.The florist wrapped my white roses and asked whether they were a gift.“For my mom.”“Would you like a

  • The Alpha’s Rejected Luna: His Regret   Chapter 37

    Before summer, Lucas finished his courses.He was offered an internship at a large ranch and came to tell me, hesitant.I was happy for him.“Of course you should go.”“What about this place?”“I’ll hire someone else.”He looked a little disappointed.“You answered too quickly.”I laughed.“Should I have started with, ‘What will I do without you?’”He considered that seriously.“You could say it once.”“All right.”I cleared my throat.“What will the storage shed do without you?”He finally laughed.Before leaving, he organized all my tools and wrote a simple maintenance checklist.He even made a special note about the sheep most likely to squeeze through the fence.“Don’t trust it just because it looks innocent.”I promised I wouldn’t.After he left, the yard was quieter for a little while.I didn’t feel abandoned.Someone could come into my life, do good things, leave warmth behind, and then go on to follow his own path.It could be that simple.A relationship didn’t have to last for

  • The Alpha’s Rejected Luna: His Regret   Chapter 36

    In spring, I planted a small herb garden behind the house.At first, it was a mess.Beth came over, took one look, and told me I’d crowded together plants with entirely different watering needs.No wonder none of them were happy.I crouched in the dirt with a hand trowel and started separating them.She stood beside me, giving instructions.Lucas passed and asked whether we were having a meeting.“An emergency meeting,” Beth said. “About Susan’s gardening skills.”I laughed and threw a glove at him.That evening, Claire arrived for a visit of a few days.She looked thinner than she did on video.When she saw me, she held me for a long time.Then she stepped back and looked at me.“You really are different.”“How?”She thought about it.“You used to talk like you were waiting for someone’s permission.”I stood by the door, momentarily still.At the main house, I had been so used to watching Jake’s face.If he approved, I continued.If he frowned, I began wondering what I’d done wrong.S

  • The Alpha’s Rejected Luna: His Regret   Chapter 35

    I held the phone without speaking for a long time.Once, he had shielded me from those boys in the snow. His ribs had broken, but he hadn’t let go.Later, he had stood so far above everyone that he thought no one could touch him.Now all of those images belonged to the past.I felt no satisfaction.I didn’t want to visit him, either.My attorney asked if I wanted him to pass along a message.“No.”After hanging up, I stood in the kitchen and listened to the faint metallic sounds of the tray cooling.Lucas knocked twice at the door.“Can I come in?”“Yes.”He smelled the bread and smiled.“Did I come at exactly the right time?”I handed him the knife.“Go ahead.”He washed his hands, then carefully cut the loaf into even slices.I watched for a moment.Suddenly, I remembered Jake’s first time in our kitchen, years ago.My mother had asked him to slice the bread.He had kept his head down, so afraid of getting it wrong.My eyes burned.Lucas noticed. His hands slowed.“Did I do something

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