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40TH HEARTBEAT
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The Badboy's Heartbeat 41ST HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLI made my way to sex ed. in a visible daze. I haven’t had any good night sleep in over a week mostly because my mom had been very disrespectful to me. We sort of swapped places; she was the fucked up teenager who’s trying to figure out life while I became the grown person who’s been trying to understand her shitty actions. After taking home that young man named Jackson, my mom hooked up with two other men and it was as if she’s just using them to wash away her thirst. One of them was just about her age which was fine for me and the other one was basically an old man in his late fifty’s.“Thank you for joining us Mr. Rockwell.” Mrs. Harding said in a disparaging tone. The funny thing was, there’s a picture of an anus flashed right in front.I didn’t even realize when I first walked in that the class had already started. I hurried to my seat realizing that fact that my head’s not in a right place.“Now, as I was saying earlier, the anus or as some of the gays out there c
The Badboy's Heartbeat 42ND HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLMr. Huang entered the office tightly clutching his walking cane. There was an intense moment of silence as Principal Sanders and I awkwardly watched the old man slowly brought himself to the chair adjacent to me. The assistant would’ve helped him walk faster but he insisted that he could walk on his own. It took him almost a while and by the time he settled down, Principal Sanders cleared her to throat to reestablish the flow of conversation.“Hi, Mr. Huang, how are you doing?” Principal Sanders greeted, her tone seemed to have drastically changed from her usual professional vibrato.“I’m doing very well madam. T-this was the longest walk I’ve had since the last time I walked my deceased dog.” Mr. Huang spoke unhurriedly. You could clearly determine how time has aged him pretty well with the fine wrinkles in his skin and how his hair had turned from that jet black Asian hair to grey. I could also see a pair of reading glasses hanging on the pocket of his dirty white sh
The Badboy's Heartbeat 43RD HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSIn my dream, I was clad in an expensive looking suit embellished with thousands of shining and shimmering stones. I was standing right in the middle of the school gymnasium with a bright spotlight shining on me. There was some sort of music playing loud in the background but I couldn’t quite figure out what the song was because I could hear the loud beating in my chest. I felt like the hopeless romantic main character of a certain romantic film. And then there was a guy clad in a black suit standing five feet right in front of me. He was holding a single white rose in his hand. For some unknown reason, his face was a complete blur and as he slowly waltzed towards me, he put the rose in his mouth. He got on his knees and he reached out for me. Before I could even accept his request for a dance, the sound of another spotlight boomed and then there showed up another guy from a certain distance. He was wearing a full white suit and had a single red rose in his hand. Just like
The Badboy's Heartbeat 44TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSTime seemed to have stopped for both Xavier and I. As soon as he caught sight of me, he paused and just stared at me with such dramatic intensity like I’m the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen in a long time. I immediately noticed a patch right on his nose and I wondered what happened to him. It’s obvious that he got into a fight.I wanted to just get on my knees and rush towards him and give him the tightest hug that I could possibly muster. However, I have to put the urge aside because I’m still hurt by the fact that he can’t be with me, that he’s not ready to be part of my world and I don’t know if he’ll ever be ready. This is not me forcing him out but I just want him to be true to himself.I definitely know now that I missed Xavier so much but I just can’t stop myself from hating him. While there’s a lot of him to love and there are points to make in order to bestow him with forgiveness, I can’t deny the fact that there are also qualities to hate. The duality of my
The Badboy's Heartbeat 45TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLStaring idly at the ceiling, I can’t even begin to grasp the whole situation that I was unprecedentedly thrown in right now. The four walls of this tiny little apartment seemed like they’ve been watching all of these tragic event pan out leaving me in absolute shambles. I’m not even surprised if the last people who lived here had the same shit.Am I even allowed to live a happy life in this lifetime? It very clear as a crystal to me that I’m being shunned and treated like shit by the stars above. My dad just left us and now my mom just checked into rehab without even telling me like I’m nothing to her. I know it’s a good thing for her and her health and I’m sure Principal Sanders had a very good influence about it but I’m her son and I deserve to know what’s going on at least.There are a lot of things that’s running mad through my mind and I don’t where to freaking start about it. In this unsolicited turn of events, I’m very much exhausted mentally and also emotionall
The Badboy's Heartbeat 46TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLI have to be alone, that’s what I told to myself when I decided to push Jordi away even when I really wanted to just yank him over for a goddamn kiss.I never would’ve thought that Jordi had it in him to go as far as follow me all the here and I’m quite shocked. I didn’t even want him to know that I live in a fucking tiny and nasty apartment.“Xavier, please don’t shut me away.” Jordi begged, his voice was cracking up but I have already made my decision.I looked down on the ground careful not to look at Jordi straight in the eye because I probably might melt. And I don’t want to melt. “I’m sorry, Jordi. You need to leave now.”“I like you, Xavier.” The words that I haven’t heard from Jordi just lifted off of his mouth and then my world just rushed to a full stop.I couldn’t believe Jordi just said he liked me when I’ve been so upfront with him when I said I liked him. My world just stopped spinning at those words and when I felt my chest beat like a thunder, it began
The Badboy's Heartbeat 47TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSThere are more than seven billion people in this so called blue planet and perhaps more than nineteen million of those are walking the face of this city. I certainly don’t know how the fuck did I end up becoming such a blind fool for chasing the person who used to make my life a living hell. I used to hold great grudge against this guy and if we were both thrown in a hunger games arena, he’s most definitely be the first person that I’m going to run after.But...There’s always the word but and somehow it just happened to me.I have already fallen for the stupid guy, that’s the ‘but’ that things had entailed. I have fallen for the very same guy who used to shove my ass inside the janitor’s closet just to pour juice on my body. The guy who used to beat the shit out of me because he thinks that just because I’m the weaker man, he has the leverage to assert such a horrible attitude. The guy who used to make me cry under the shower.But I was more than willing to give not only
The Badboy's Heartbeat 48TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSWaking up this morning was everything like having a feel good cold shower in the middle of the hot summer. This was definitely a different day for me because I just woke up fifteen minutes early before my alarm clock. That only happens seldom in my life and it’s either I just had a really horrible nightmare that I was scared to go back to sleep or that I’m feeling much excited over something else. It’s pretty much the latter for me.I laid idly on my bed for a couple of minutes and in that moment, I was thinking of texting Xavier. I already missed him the second that I got home yesterday and now, that same longing still persists. It’s almost as if it was a symptom for an illness. However, I know I shouldn’t feel this much excitement when this should just be a normal day. I’ve known better which meant I don’t want to raise my expectations way too high because the fall might be harder.After taking my morning shower, I ended up choosing to be extra stylish today. I only nor
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