19. Cherish

I’ve been keeping my head down this whole week. Not ignoring Ivan, just not distracting him either. Martha keeps finding little jobs for me in the bathhouse so my visits there are filling almost the whole day now. It’s better than being lonely in the room, and better than fighting my own body’s desires to jump onto Ivan’s bare torso every time he walks out of the bathroom.

Instead of pouncing on him I’m ordering him steaks, large filling meals full of protein, organising his training gear, even cleaning it like it’s going to make a difference when he enters that terracotta pit.

Tonight is the Showcase. My guts are inside out with fear, how has Ivan done this eleven times?

I’ve promised myself, just wait a little longer. When he makes it through this fight and kills Xavier I am going to tell him I have feelings for him.

I’ve got to know if these feelings are purely in my head. The scent of fresh apples teases me all day in that room, teases me to the point where I find myself searc