1: I Don’t Love You

“I don’t love you.” My fiancé murmured, staring down at the glass of whisky in his hand, his watch ticking with only a few hours left to our wedding day.

“Alex, what are you saying?” A soft laugh left my mouth. Was he sleep-talking or something?

“You heard me, Amara.” His voice was flat. “I don’t love you.” He repeated, not bothering to look at me as his word chipped at my heart.

I searched his hardened face, hoping he was drunk enough not to know what he was saying but the steadiness in his grey eyes told me otherwise.

“But you. . .courted me.” My voice broke as I tried to speak, my throat turning dry.

Alexander Sterling, the man who met me after presenting a seminar at my college and pursued me around campus just for my phone number.

The same Alexander Sterling, who waited for me after my classes, showing up every day with different bouquet of flowers. . .and now he denies ever loving me.

Were all men this cruel or I was just unfortunate?

“Alex, you chose me.” I tugged at the sleeve of his white collared shirt but he was unresponsive to my touch. “Alex, say something!” I cried out.

He finally turned his head to me, his chiseled jaw sharp under the dim hotel lights. “I’ll explain why I picked you.”

Picked? Like some flimspy item on a shelf? I emitted a bitter scoff and threw my gaze to the ceiling, blinking back the tears that threatened to embarrass me.

“Tell me why you. . .picked me?” I used his term and I swear I heard him chuckle softly beside me.

“To satisfy my grandfather’s will and secure my inheritance.”

The words dropped like stones to my stomach and my mouth parted in disbelief. “Alex…” I whispered. “You proposed to me because of money?”

“Yes.” His dry tone cared less about my feelings as he ran his long, slender fingers through his thick brown hair and I found myself admiring how deadly handsome he was. God, I’m finished.

“Why couldn’t you wait until after the wedding to tell me this? Why tell me now, tonight?”

His grey eyes flickered between mine, cold and empty. “Because I want you to know what you’re preparing for.” His words resonated like a warning as his alcoholic breath fanned my face.

For a moment, silence suffocated the room as my hands trembled in my laps. I bit hard on my lower lip, trying to stop myself from sobbing.

Alex said he needed me, I never threw myself at him but now I was a fool for falling in love.

Everyone had warned me, my friends gossiped that it was strange, suspicious even, for a man like Alexander Sterling to suddenly propose after three months of courtship.

But I silenced their opinions. I thought it was destiny, the kind of love story that happens in movies. I thought he saw me, Amara Hale, for the driven and ambitious woman I was.

“Why pretend then?” I asked. “Why introduce me to your family, why flaunt me around to your friends, and make me fall in love with you if you didn’t love me?”

Taking a sip of his whisky, he leaned back on the sofa and stretched his long legs like this was a casual conversation. “Because you were easy and you looked good at my side.”

I pressed my palm against my chest, where my heart tore itself apart. “Alex,” I whimpered like a wounded deer, my words quivering in a silent prayer. “I. . .I love you.”

His lips curled into a faint smile. “That’s good.”

For a long second, my chest squeezed until breathing became impossible, my tears falling freely down my cheeks as I remembered my mother’s advice on the phone the day before: Marriage is a sacrifice, Amara.

A woman must give more, forgive more, and hold her family together no matter what.

Maybe she was right, maybe this was what sacrifice looked like. With a strong decision to redeem my marriage before it could even begin, I whispered to Alex with trembling lips.

“I will love for the both of us.”

The seconds seemed to stretch til eternity as Alexander doesn't respond, instead he stood up from the sofa, finished his drink, and set the glass down on the center table.

“See you tomorrow at the altar,” He adjusted his cufflinks and left like nothing happened, the sound of his footsteps fading down the hall.

I stayed frozen in place, my reflection staring back at me from the tinted window, the glint of my Winston Blue diamond engagement ring mocking me.

My phone rang on the center table, drawing my attention and I glanced at the caller ID before accepting.

“Amara, I hope you aren't nervous?” My mama’s quiet voice spoke on the other end.

I swallowed hard, staring at the space Alex once occupied on the sofa. “A little.”

“That’s completely normal. Marriage isn’t all about butterflies, sweetheart. It’s about duty.”

My throat burned, but I forced a smile she couldn’t see. “Yes, mama.”

If I told her the truth, she would tell me to endure it, there was no point in complaining about how shattered I was to my mother.

“Okay, remember to get enough sleep.” She said and I hummed before ending the call and setting the phone back on the center table.

I kicked off my red bottom heels and crawled into the hotel bed, clutching a pillow to my chest as my body shook uncontrollably, my sobs echoing in the half-empty room.

At my moment of despair, I clasped my hands together and prayed for the entire night to end as a nightmare. Maybe my fiancé was anxious, or upset? Maybe marriage would change his heart?

“Yes, I could change him.” I mumbled between my cries, wiping the wet corners of my eyes with my fingertips.

I would be a bigger fool to dishonor my fathers name by running away and not attending my wedding; a ceremony that has been a topic of the nation for weeks.

Many people found love in their marriages and I believed Alex’s love would grow with time. I believed Alex would look at me one day and see me not as an object, but as his wife.

I will happily marry him, and act like tonight never existed. I will stay beside him forever and show him I'm not leaving.

I was going to win Alexander Sterling’s heart.