Se connecterJULIAN
I hate going to parties. Always have, ever since I was a kid. Maybe it’s the noise, or it’s the being around people, or maybe it’s the forced social interaction. Whatever it is, I do my best to avoid parties. But one thing I can’t do is say no to Theo. Which is how I find myself in Rose Clarke’s mansion, attending her boisterous, and quite frankly, pointless party. All because Theo asked me to. I’m almost regretting saying yes as the DJ switches to another song. I wince. I already know that by morning, I’ll be struggling with a migraine. And it won’t be because of the alcohol. The music is too loud. It pounds against my skull, heavy bass vibrating through the floor and up my spine. The air is thick with alcohol, sweat, and expensive perfume clinging to bodies that are way too close to me. I hate parties like this. But Theo loves them. And where he goes, I follow. I stand beside him near the edge of the room, a red plastic cup in my hand that I haven’t touched. My eyes stay on him as he laughs at something someone says, his head tipped back slightly, that easy, effortless smile on his lips. He belongs here, with these people. He just… fits. People gravitate toward him like it’s instinct. Like they can sense something warm in him, something safe. My grip tightens slightly around the cup as I watch the scene. A guy leans in too close to Theo, brushing his arm as he speaks. He doesn’t pull away. He just smiles, nodding, listening. Something sharp twists in my chest. I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all. I want to stop it, to pull Theo away and hold him tight but I can’t. Because I don’t have the right to. Because I don’t want to risk losing him as my best friend. So, instead of surrendering to the caveman instincts rising in me, I take a sip of the alcohol in my cup instead. It burns on the way down and I wince, but I relish the burn. It chases away the bitterness coating my tongue. It relieves the heat building in my chest. Theo glances at me with a smile. “Are you okay? I know parties aren’t your scene.” My heart warms at his concern and I force a smile to my face for his benefit. “I’m doing fine, don’t worry.” He gives me a small, amused look, like he knows I’m lying but won’t call me out on it. “Okay,” he says. The guy beside him lingers for a moment longer before drifting away, and I feel something in me settle. Better. Much better. I exhale slowly, lifting the cup to my lips and taking another sip. It tastes awful but I can’t get enough. “I’m going to grab another drink,” Theo says after a moment. “You want anything?” I shake my head. “No.” “I’ll be right back.” I nod, watching him disappear into the crowd. And just like that, the room feels different. It feels colder without him around. Everything feels loud and overwhelming. I shift my weight, scanning the room without really seeing anything. Everything blurs together. Faces, voices, laughter, movement. None of it matters. None of them matter. I’m about to go looking for Theo when I feel a prickle run down my spine. It feels like I’m being watched. I turn slowly, scanning the room. And then I find him. Nikolai Soren. He’s leaning casually against the far wall across the room, one hand tucked into the pocket of his trousers, the other holding a glass of something dark. His posture is relaxed, casual to the point of looking lazy but I know it’s deceptive. It’s just another thing about him that draws people in. I have a feeling there’s nothing casual or relaxed about him. There’s just an air of danger that surrounds him. His gaze is fixed on me. My breath catches. For a moment, neither of us moves. We both stand there, staring at each other, as if daring the other to make a move first. Then, he pushes off the wall. He drops his drink on the nearby table and he starts walking toward me. Each step is unhurried, controlled, deliberate. My body goes still as he closes the distance between us, the noise of the party fading into something distant, something irrelevant. It’s like everything around us has disappeared. I can’t register anything else but him. I watch him as he approaches, frozen in place. Like he is a predator and I’m nothing but prey, helplessly awaiting its death.JULIANHe makes a point of adjusting himself in his jeans.I smack him instantly. “Seriously? We’re surrounded by children, you idiot.”He looks around. “I knew about things like this when I was their age.”“You’re so embarrassing.”I shake my head as I insert a coin and grab the steering wheel..Nikolai takes the space beside me.“I bet you don’t even know how to play,” I say.“I’ll figure it out.”“For the record, I spent most of my time playing these as a kid. Good luck beating me.”He grins as the race begins.As expected, I take the lead but it only takes him moments to catch up.Before I know it, he overtakes me and takes the lead.“How…”“Natural talent.”I glance at him briefly. “You’ve played this before, haven’t you?”“Maybe.”“You liar.”He laughs. “I never said I didn’t know how to play. You assumed that.”I feel something in me loosen at the sound of his laughter.I’m trying so hard to cling to my anger, because I’m still mad at him, but it’s difficult.This is the most f
JULIANAs much as people advocate going out and breathing some fresh air, you’d think it had some kind of magical cure.But apparently going to a public park doesn’t automatically solve all of your problems.I sit on a bench beneath a large oak tree, watching people pass by as the late afternoon sun filters through the leaves.Despite my lingering melancholy, I can’t deny that it’s peaceful here.It’s better than going home at least.Home used to be somewhere comforting, somewhere I could relax. Now it’s a place that brings a lot of pain and awkwardness. It’s an awful reminder of everything that’s gone wrong with my life.Theo is there. I’m there. And it couldn’t be more awkward. Neither of us knows what to say to the other.We barely speak. We pass each other in the kitchen and pretend the other person isn't there.Sometimes I hear him walking past my bedroom door. Sometimes I hear him stop.He never knocks.I don't know whether I'm relieved or disappointed.Either way, I don’t want
JULIANBefore I can utter a word of protest, he starts dragging me along.I don’t want to cause a scene so I follow him. Or at least, that’s what I choose to think.He leads me to an empty lecture room and locks the door behind us.His eyes scan my face as he turns to me, leaning against the closed door.“How are you doing?”I glare at him. “How the fuck do you think? Everything that I thought I knew turned out to be a lie. All thanks to you.”He shrugs. “You’re welcome.”I roll my eyes. Typical Nikolai.Somehow, the fact that he’s the same as he usually is feels weirdly familiar. Comforting, even.I hate that I feel that way.He takes a few steps toward me. “How did your conversation with Theo go?”My expression immediately hardens. “I’m sure you have an idea.”His mouth curves slightly. “So he admitted he lied.”“He admitted he exaggerated what happened between you two.”He doesn’t look surprised. “Of course he did.”“He also admitted he used me.”Something flickers across Nikolai's
JULIANIt’s strange how quickly life can change.A few days ago, I had a best friend.A few days ago, I thought I knew who I was. I thought I knew who I could trust. I thought I understood the people around me and more importantly, I thought I understood myself.Now I’m not so sure about any of that.Nothing feels the same anymore.Everywhere I look, there are cracks. In my friendship with Theo. In the memories I have of the last eight years. In the person I thought I was.I keep wondering how much of my life was built on things that weren’t entirely true.Was Theo ever really my best friend?Did he actually care about me?Were there moments when he genuinely put me first, or was I simply too blind to notice that I was always the one giving more?I don't have answers. And perhaps that's the worst part.I used to think knowing the truth would make everything easier. It hasn't. It has only made everything complicated.Some part of me still doesn’t believe it. Sometimes I think maybe I i
NIKOLAIHis face twists. “And yet you still broke my heart.”I shrug. “People get hurt. I made things clear before we slept together.”His eyes burn. “You made me feel like I mattered.”“No. You decided that all on your own. You chose to live in your fantasies rather than reality.”Theo goes silent after that as his face contorts in pain.I’d pity him if I had a heart. Spoiler alert, I don’t.Even if I have two fucks to give, it won’t be for him, of all people.“You know what bothers me the most?” I ask. “It isn’t even what you did to me. It’s what you did to Julian.”His expression closes off. “Leave him out of this.”“Why? He’s the reason we’re standing here. He wanted to help you. He loved you and would do anything for you. And you weaponized that.”“I didn’t—”“You did.” I push off the wall and step closer until we’re barely an arm’s length apart. “You took advantage of the one person who’d do anything for you because you couldn’t move on.”Theo looks furious now. “I didn’t make h
NIKOLAIOne of the worst things in the world is being forced to attend a class when you can barely pay attention and would rather do anything else.Like hitting your head against a tree. Or launching yourself into space.Thankfully, the lecture ends five minutes early.Professor Harris barely finishes dismissing us before half the class is already filing toward the door.I wait for the crowd to thin before gathering my things.Julian hasn’t responded to any of my texts. Not that I’m surprised. He’s angry. Confused. Heartbroken now that I’m sure he’s found out that his dearest ‘best friend’ lied to him.I expected him to ignore me but it bothers me nonetheless. It’s… irritating.I’m trying to give him space rather than force myself into his presence and trust me, it’s very hard.As I step into the hallway, the overlapping voices of students surrounding me, I debate if it’d be too soon to approach Julian.I’ve given him enough space, haven’t I?Maybe I should make a quick stop at the B
JULIANHe walks across the room like he owns it. Like everything around him bends to his will.People move out of his way wordlessly as he passes, as if under a spell, creating a space for him to walk freely.His eyes flick over my face as he approaches, slow and assessing, like he’s cataloguing so
NIKOLAIThe saws whir to life, drowning out the sound of anything else.The thick metallic smell of blood hangs in the air, almost overwhelming the rest of my senses.I focus on the process, not the body beneath my hands. I concentrate my attention on making clean lines, on making accurate, control
NIKOLAII wrinkle my nose as I drag the body across the basement floor and onto the middle of the large nylon.Sweat rolls down my face, dripping onto the floor and my muscles strain from the effort.“I could use a little help here, Caleb,” I mutter to my annoying brother as he stands there and wat
JULIANI didn’t know love could ruin everything I cared about.Which is funny to me because I grew up never knowing the true meaning of love.To me, it was just a word I heard everywhere, a word people used freely but I never understood.No one ever used it for me and I never thought to use it for







