登入JULIAN
He walks across the room like he owns it. Like everything around him bends to his will. People move out of his way wordlessly as he passes, as if under a spell, creating a space for him to walk freely. His eyes flick over my face as he approaches, slow and assessing, like he’s cataloguing something. Like he’s deciding if I’m worth his time. Then he stops in front of me. He’s way too close. Close enough that I can smell his woodsy cologne. Close enough that I have to tilt my head up to look at him. Close enough that my heart stutters at his face so close to mine. I’ve only ever seen him from a distance. And now, he’s here. Right in front of me. This close, I can see the sharp architecture of his face. The high cheekbones, the straight, uncompromising line of his nose, his full lips pressed into a tight line. He has the kind of features that border on beautiful but his hard expression ruins it. His eyes are a sharp, cold gray. They are watchful, assessing in a way that makes it look like he is deciding your worth… or your fate. Even his clothes are designed to set him apart from everyone else. He’s dressed in a black fitted designer shirt, the sleeves pushed up just enough to expose his veiny forearms, the top few buttons undone. His trousers are dark and tailored and follow the length of his legs without clinging. No denim like everyone else. Even his shoes, polished and understated, are different from the scuffed sneakers that surround him. A watch sits at his wrist, clearly expensive but minimal and precise. His hair is pulled back into that same low ponytail, dark and sleek, not a strand out of place despite the heat in the room. It makes his face look sharper somehow, more severe, more untouchable. He’s the direct opposite of Theo. He looks like he doesn’t belong here. Yet, everything seems to orbit around him anyway. “Hey,” I say. My voice comes out a little rough and I clear my throat, while trying to gather myself. Hey? Who the fuck says that to someone like Nikolai? Someone that hurt my best friend? I should be punching the hell out of him. I should be beating him down with my words. A little smirk pulls at the edge of his mouth. “Hey,” he says back, his voice dark and low. Is he mocking me? Heat rises in my chest and I welcome it. “What the hell do you want?” He tilts his head, studying me. “Do you know who I am?” I scoff at the pure arrogance in his words. Who does he think he is? A celebrity? My grip tightens slightly around my cup. “Everyone on campus knows who you are. But I’m sure you already know that. Did you come here to boost your ego?” I expect him to get angry or even walk away but Nikolai’s expression shifts and something like amusement glitters in his eyes. “I wasn’t wrong about you. You are entertaining,” he murmurs. I narrow my eyes. Entertaining. As if I am a puppet putting on a show. I fold my arms. “Are you always this terrible at speaking to people or am I special?” His brows furrow a little. “I wouldn’t know. I don’t speak to a lot of people.” Right. He fucks them instead. And then throws them away after he’s done. I let out a sigh. “Look, this has been fun and all, but I've got better things to do. Clearly, you’re just bored and looking for a way to occupy the time. So, if you’ll excuse me—” Before I can move past him, Nikolai steps into my space, effectively cutting me off. His cologne is even sharper this close and I subtly inhale. “I don’t waste time on things that aren’t worth it,” he says. There’s a shift in his expression now. There’s no longer amusement there but something unreadable. Something that should’ve had me running in the opposite direction. His words should irritate me. And they do. There’s nothing I hate more than arrogant, insufferable people. I could easily move past him. It’s not like he can do anything to stop me, especially in a party full of people. And yet, I find myself staying in place. I let out a quiet breath, tilting my head up to meet his gaze. “And you’ve decided that I’m worth your time?” Nikolai’s gaze drops briefly to my lips before returning to my eyes again. A tiny, involuntary shiver runs through me at the heat in his gaze. “Yes,” he says simply. My pulse kicks up and I try to ignore it. “You don’t even know me.” “I know enough.” The certainty in his voice surprises me. He sounds like he has reached a conclusion about me in his head. Something about the way he says it makes my stomach tighten. “What makes you think that?” I ask quietly. Nikolai steps just a fraction closer. “I saw you,” he says, his voice so low that I can barely hear him over the music. “At school. You were watching me. Just like you were doing this evening.” Heat creeps up my neck, irritation sparking fast. “That’s… I didn’t… You were watching me too,” I sputter. Nikolai watches me quietly, his eyes even more intense if possible. “I was curious. I find it so fascinating. Your gaze. You look at me differently from everyone else.” “How do I look at you?” I whisper. “You look at me like I’m dangerous. Like I’m someone you want to run far away from. Like I’m the monster that haunts your nightmares.” As he speaks, he leans down, until his face is mere inches away from mine. Up close, his presence is… suffocating. Not in the way crowded spaces are. Not in the way this party is. It’s not overwhelming, it’s just… heavy. My breath hitches at his closeness. “If I think you're dangerous, then why am I still here talking to you? What does that say about me?” Nikolai leans back slowly until his face is no longer in my space. Relief washes over me. Something dark flickers in his eyes but it’s brief and gone before I can name it. “It says,” he murmurs, “you don’t scare as easily as you should.”NIKOLAIHe shrugs. “Why do that when you always deliver?” There’s a slight pause. “Until now, anyway.”He glances at the sketchbook on my desk.This time, his expression shifts slightly into something less teasing and more thoughtful.“Be careful,” he says lightly, though there’s something under it. “You’re starting to look a little… invested.”“I’m not,” I reply immediately.It’s too quick and his lips twitch.“I didn’t say you were,” he says. “I said you’re starting to look like it.”He hesitates for a second before he goes on, “I just don’t want you getting obsessed. You know what happens when you do. I don’t want a repeat of last time.”I tense slightly. “Drop it, Caleb.”“All I’m saying is, I don’t want to have to handle another dead body—”I grit my teeth. “I. Said. Drop. It.”Something in my tone must get to him because he finally shuts up.He watches me for a second longer while I try to ignore the burning sensation in my chest. How dare he even bring that up?My fingers curl
NIKOLAIThe door to my room bursts open.I don’t look up from my sketchbook even as irritation rises in my chest, sharp and fast. I already know who it is.It’s the lavender. It always gives him away. His ex-girlfriend gifted him that shampoo but they broke up years ago. I still don’t know why he refuses to let it go and keeps buying more.It’s not love— I don’t think Caleb is capable of it. It’s something else. Something he refuses to tell me anytime I ask him about it.Which is surprising. Caleb doesn’t keep secrets. I sigh. “Do you ever knock?”Caleb jumps on my bed, jostling me slightly. “Why would I? You should know me already, dear brother.”He lays on the bed, resting on his elbows, his legs swinging in the air behind him.I rub my hands along my temples, feeling the beginnings of a headache. Caleb always has that effect.Sometimes, I wish I could trade him for someone else. Another brother, maybe.“Yes, I do know. I know you’re annoying, insufferable—”“Wow. Don’t complimen
NIKOLAIControl.It’s a word that has been ingrained in me for years. A word Derek never fails to mention.It’s a language I’m very fluent in.I pride myself on control. On not letting anything affect me.It’s the only thing that matters. I learned that early on, before I even had a name for the sharp, suffocating feeling that came with losing it. Back when everything was louder, messier, unpredictable in ways that left irrevocable damage behind.Now I know better.Control isn't a restriction. It’s freedom.It’s not just about restraint, it’s about precision. Choosing exactly what to show and what to withhold. Knowing that silence can be louder than words, that stillness can draw more attention than movement.That people can fill in the gaps themselves.And when they do, they hand you power. Over themselves, over everything.People like to pretend that their impulses make them real, honest. That giving in to whatever they feel in the moment is somehow admirable.It isn’t.It makes the
JULIAN My breath stutters. “I’m not—” “You are. You don’t like me,” he says simply. There’s no offense in his tone. He just sounds certain. Like he's figured it all out. It throws me off slightly. Because he’s right. I shouldn’t like him. I don’t like him. He hurt Theo. He’s cold. Detached. Dangerous. Everything about him pushes me away. “That doesn’t mean I can’t talk to you,” I combat, lifting my chin. I can quit and run right now but I’m not going to. I’m stronger than that. His gaze sharpens. “Why?” There it is again. Another question. Direct and unavoidable. He asks a lot of questions, doesn’t he? It’s always what or why with him. Why? Because Theo asked me to. Because I need to make you fall for me. Because I’m supposed to break you. The answers pile up in my head, heavy and suffocating. I can’t say any of them. So I say the only thing I can. “I don’t know.” And it’s partly the truth. Because as much as everything about Nikolai p
JULIANI force my voice to remain steady and try again. “I just wanted to apologize. For what I said at the party. I didn’t mean to call you arrogant and all that. I guess I was a little tipsy.”This was Theo’s idea, me apologizing. After I told him everything that happened at the party, Theo thought I was a little too rude for Nikolai’s tastes. He said Nikolai likes his men well-behaved.Well-behaved. Like I’m a robot. Or a doll he can mold to his liking.Ugh.But Theo wants this, so…Nikolai folds his arms, the action making his biceps bulge through the tight, black T-shirt he’s wearing.“You don’t have to apologize,” he says calmly. “I thought it was fun.”Fun. Like I’d been putting on a comedy show.I want to snap at him and ask him who the hell he thinks he is to be so patronizing but I resist. Barely. My smile widens instead.“Still, I feel like we got off on the wrong foot.” I stretch out a hand. “Julian. That’s my name.”He tilts his head, ignoring my outstretched hand. “I al
JULIANI wipe my sweaty hands on my jeans as I stare at Nikolai standing a few feet ahead, my heart pounding.I don’t think I can do this.I don’t think I can make him fall in love with me.Even after the ‘prep’ Theo has given me over the week, complete with whiteboards and pointers and all, I don’t feel confident I can succeed.Theo didn’t have much information to give me about him anyway. Just that Nikolai preferred to chase and I shouldn’t be so obvious. He also told me to be less awkward and be more confident.Yeah, I have a feeling I’m going to fuck that one up.My chest tightens the longer I stare at him.I’m feeling the exact way I felt on the two occasions I’ve seen him now.There’s this awareness I have around him. It’s almost like instinct. Like something deep inside me is already bracing for impact.Nikolai stands near the edge of the Arts building, speaking to someone I don’t recognize. His posture is relaxed, one hand tucked into his pocket, the other loosely holding his







