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010

Author: Aya Starr
last update Last Updated: 2025-07-08 07:35:09

HAYDEN

Practice was hell.

I don’t mean the usual kind where your muscles burn and your lungs fight for air and the coach’s whistle feels like a scream in your eardrums. No, this was a different kind of hell.

The kind where your head's a fucking mess and your body refuses to cooperate.

Every time I dropped back to throw, I felt like her eyes were on me even though she wasn’t there. Every time I ran a drill, I kept hearing her voice in that lecture hall.

Coleen Maine was haunting me.

“Michaels!” Coach Thompson’s voice thundered across the field. “What in God's name was that throw? My grandmother could make a tighter spiral!”

I gritted my teeth, yanked off my helmet, and ran a frustrated hand through my sweat-soaked hair.

“Sorry, Coach,” I muttered, already knowing I looked like crap out there.

“You’re not even trying today!” he barked, storming toward me like a linebacker on a mission. “What’s going on with you?”

“Just having a rough morning,” I said, avoiding eye contact.

Coach folded
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  • The Hockey Star Regret    012

    HAYDENI’d never admit this to Alicia or anyone, but I’d started memorizing Coleen’s schedule.It wasn’t as creepy as it sounded. Okay, maybe it was a little creepy but it wasn’t like I was stalking her. I just… had this need to be aware of what she was up to.Honestly, it was a miracle I’d been able to keep this up without her knowledge. Not to talk of the fact that it was so fucking difficult to do given my class and practice schedule but I’ve somehow been able to make it work.Ever since that conversation in the library, something had shifted between us. She still kept me at arm’s length, but it wasn’t like the iron wall it used to be. And if there was a chance that Coleen was going to give me even the slightest opening, I wasn’t about to waste it.But something about her had felt off lately. When she smiled, it didn’t reach her eyes as usual. She also flinched at sudden sounds and checked her phone like she was waiting for a bomb to go off.I knew what fear looked like and Coleen

  • The Hockey Star Regret    011

    COLEENThere were days when I felt like I was finally adjusting to college. When the air didn’t feel so heavy with anxiety and I could walk into a lecture hall without scanning for a particular pair of hazel eyes.This was not one of those days.“Tell me again why you’re refusing to come,” Mark said for the third time as he dramatically sprawled across the beanbag in our living room, chewing on a Twizzler.“Because,” I said, not looking up from my laptop, “I’m two chapters behind in my reading, my back still hurts from working on the field, and I’m not in the mood to fake smile at strangers tonight.”“You wound me,” he said, clutching his chest. “This isn’t just any event. It’s the first open mic night of the semester. You know, music, food, awkward poetry from people who overshare… It’s a rite of passage.”I snorted. “You just want to get on stage and sing so the cute girls swoon.”He wiggled his eyebrows. “Guilty. But seriously, you need to stop hiding in here like a recluse. It’s n

  • The Hockey Star Regret    010

    HAYDENPractice was hell.I don’t mean the usual kind where your muscles burn and your lungs fight for air and the coach’s whistle feels like a scream in your eardrums. No, this was a different kind of hell.The kind where your head's a fucking mess and your body refuses to cooperate.Every time I dropped back to throw, I felt like her eyes were on me even though she wasn’t there. Every time I ran a drill, I kept hearing her voice in that lecture hall. Coleen Maine was haunting me.“Michaels!” Coach Thompson’s voice thundered across the field. “What in God's name was that throw? My grandmother could make a tighter spiral!”I gritted my teeth, yanked off my helmet, and ran a frustrated hand through my sweat-soaked hair.“Sorry, Coach,” I muttered, already knowing I looked like crap out there.“You’re not even trying today!” he barked, storming toward me like a linebacker on a mission. “What’s going on with you?”“Just having a rough morning,” I said, avoiding eye contact.Coach folded

  • The Hockey Star Regret    009

    COLEENSometimes, pride had to be swallowed, even if it burned all the way down.I didn’t want to admit it, not even to myself, but my bank account was in the red zone. Between textbooks, and the occasional splurge on microwave noodles that weren’t the cheapest brand, I was barely hanging on.Not to talk of the financial hit I took when Mark and I agreed to rent a two-bedroom off-campus apartment.So, after spending the better part of a night staring at my empty wallet and ignoring the dull ache in my stomach, I finally did what I’d been avoiding, I walked into the student employment office on campus and asked for a job.The receptionist, a guy with square glasses and tired eyes, barely looked up from his computer screen when I stepped in. “Name?”“Coleen Maine,” I replied.He typed something with the enthusiasm of a slug and let out a long sigh. “Let me check what’s available for your year and schedule.”I shifted awkwardly on the cheap linoleum tiles while he tapped away. Every seco

  • The Hockey Star Regret    008

    COLEENI hadn’t slept.The night crawled by in a haze of embarrassment, replaying my outburst in class on a loop in my head. My voice cracking. My heart racing. The silence that followed. Hayden’s face, confused, almost guilty. And worst of all, the way the whole room looked at me like I was two seconds from combusting.This wasn’t how I imagined college going. It wasn’t even close.I curled deeper under my sheets, hoping for some kind of divine intervention. Maybe the ground could swallow me whole or I’d wake up in an alternate timeline where I’d kept my mouth shut and hadn’t exploded in front of my classmates.But the sun kept rising and the responsibility of going to school knocked like an annoying landlord.By 8:00 a.m., I was sitting up in bed with dark circles under my eyes and a knot in my stomach the size of a boulder. There was no way around it, if I wanted to survive this school, this scholarship, this life I was clawing toward, I had to face what happened.I showered, dress

  • The Hockey Star Regret    007

    HAYDENToday couldn’t have gone any worse.My attempts at speaking with Coleen went to absolute shit and I couldn’t even place my finger on how it went fucking wrong.Since I found out that Coleen and I went to the same college, I haven’t been able to get her out of my fucking mind.It’s like she put a spell on me or something. The guys on the football team heard about the disaster that was today, and it was all they could tease me about during practice.When I got my acceptance letter for a full-ride football scholarship to Domino's University, it was like a dream come true.This school was my first choice, and even though all my parents could care about was the fact that it wasn't Harvard, I couldn't care less.I had earned my place in this school. This wasn’t handed to me because of who my father was, I worked hard to prove myself in the classroom and on the field and it fucking paid off.So, I couldn’t give a fuck if my achievement didn’t measure up to what their golden son had,

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