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2025-08-08 11:40:56
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The Hockey Star Regret 037
COLEENIt’s ridiculous how something as simple as a phone buzz could stir hope inside me.Every time my screen lit up, even if it was just Alicia sending me a meme or a notification about an assignment, I had that tiny flicker of anticipation in my chest. Like maybe, just maybe, it would be him.Sometimes it was.Sometimes it wasn’t.I tried not to let it get to me. I told myself I was being mature, realistic. I told myself that three weeks wasn’t forever, and that I had survived worse things than silence.But no one tells you how loud a little bit of silence can be.Especially when it comes from someone whose voice started to feel like a home you weren’t ready to lose.It had been almost two weeks since Hayden left for camp. Winter break was just a few days away, and most people on campus had either already gone home or were packing up to leave. The dorms were quieter. The hallways colder. And the food options on campus had dropped down to suspicious vending machine snacks and one de
The Hockey Star Regret 036
HAYDENI woke up sore in places I didn’t know could be sore.The hotel room was dark, my alarm vibrating on the bedside table like it was angry with me for still being alive. I slapped it off and rolled onto my back, groaning at the burn in my quads and the tight ache in my shoulders.Day nine of camp.I’d made it this far.If I was being honest, I was barely able to keep my head afloat over here.The Leafs weren’t kidding when they said development camp would separate the hopefuls from the hungry. We were on ice for nearly six hours a day, plus off-ice conditioning, film study, nutrition seminars, and strength assessments. I’d never been more exhausted in my life.But the thing was… I loved it.Every minute of it.Even the pain, the drills that made my lungs scream. Regardless of the late nights where I passed out mid-text because I couldn’t keep my eyes open.This was what I wanted. A shot at something bigger. Something real. And every time I laced up my skates and hit the rink, I f
The Hockey Star Regret 035
COLEENThe silence was the loudest part.Hayden had been gone three days, and already my body had fallen into the rhythm of waiting.I was checking my phone without realizing it, listening for a buzz that never came, convincing myself I wasn’t anxious while counting the hours since his last message.The last thing he’d sent was a blurry photo from the airport shuttle with the caption: “Coach looks like he’s about to murder us all and it’s only Day 1.”I’d laughed.And then spent twenty minutes wondering if I should reply with something funny or meaningful or nothing at all.I chose a simple: “You’ve got this. Be nice to the coach. He has the power to murder you.”He never replied which I understood because he needed some time to settle in and establish a routing for the next few weeks.And now it was Day 3.I tried to distract myself.Mark and I did a movie marathon and ran through a d
The Hockey Star Regret 034
HAYDENWe never talked about it.Not once.Not when we were tangled up in laughter on the library floor after she tripped over a stack of philosophy books and took me down with her.Not when she started bringing me coffee before my early practices, knowing damn well I couldn’t function without caffeine and would forget to eat anything else.Not even when she fell asleep on my shoulder in the common room after our final exams, her breath slow and even, her hand gripping my sleeve like she didn’t want me to leave.I was having the best time of my life with Coleen and I never wanted it to end. But the harsh reality was that winter break was coming, and we didn’t talk about it.It felt like if we ignored it long enough, maybe time would stretch longer and it would end up looking far away.So we let time pass in quiet denial, like if we just pretended it wasn’t creeping up on us, it wouldn’t actually come.But it did. Yes, reality has a funny way of catching up with us.It always does.The
The Hockey Star Regret 033
HAYDENOne thing that we dreaded as a team was being called to the Coach's office for a private conversation because more often than not, it means you've fucked up.Coach’s office was where you went to get your ass handed to you and now it seemed like I might be next victim.I racked my brain but I couldn't think of anythng I'd done that would warrant a private conversation in the head coach's office.I was still in my jersey and I could feel the sweat drying cold on my body. The game hadn’t even ended thirty minutes ago, and now I was sitting in the same chair I’d used when Coach once benched me for skipping film study.Only this time, I wasn’t sure what I'd done.“I bet you're wondering why I wanted to see you,” Coach said.Yeah, he had no idea how bad I wanted to know.I didn't have it in me to say anything so I just nodded and he handed me a folded piece of paper. “What’s this?” I asked, though I already had a feeling.He didn’t answer. He just pointed at the paper in my hand lik
The Hockey Star Regret 032
COLEENI sat on my bed, the phone resting in my palm like it weighed ten pounds, and stared at the screen like it might make the decision for me.I didn’t want to do this. Scratch that, if I didn’t think it was the right thing to do, I wouldn’t be doing this right now but alas, my moral compass had to be pointing in the freaking right direction and I partly had Hayden to thank for that.Hayden sat cross-legged on the floor, his back against my dresser, exactly where I’d found him the night before. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t rush me or prod but I could feel his presence grounding me.A silent support beam holding me up from the inside out.I stared at my dad’s contact photo, thumb hovering over the call button. I’d seen this man cry once in my life, once. And that was the night she left.The woman who gave birth to me had hurt my dad badly enough for him to shed tears. Although he tried his best to hide it from me, he wasn’t that successful at it though.I was ten. He didn’t thi
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