2

  The nights in my cage are normally so peaceful. Father isn't in his office so I can move around as much as I like. I can also daydream or hum if I like. But the dark sky on this night isn't bringing me an ounce of peace.

The dull look in my baby sister's eyes and the screams of her grieving mother are haunting me. The look of pride in my father's eyes makes me feel dirty. It's as if he is a disease and I have been infected by him.

  "Why did I listen to him? Why didn't I fight against him? Why didn't I try to protect her," I ask as my throat begins to burn with emotion again.

I punch my legs as tears well up in my eyes once more and hate for myself grows in my chest. I wipe my face angrily as the water slips down it, but the stream just gets thicker.

  I shouldn't be allowed to cry. I don't deserve to feel sad! I did it. I killed her. I am a monster just like him. I killed her to make him happy so I wouldn't get hit. I am a pathetic male just like he said I am.

  "I hate you," I whisper to myself viciously.

My punches aren't punishment enough for what I did today. Suddenly an idea comes to mind. I smile before tearing off my stained and torn shirt. I press my entire back against the silver bars of my cage and bite my lip as pain sears the nerves on my exposed flesh. I hold myself against them for as long as possible before my eyes cloud and I slump forward.

Darkness sweeps over me as I finally find some peace.

****

  "You will not hit back. You will not block. You will learn pain. That way when you do fight you are unbothered by any injury you receive," Rupert snarls as five of his men join me in the training ring. 

   Members of the pack watch me with wide eyes as they examine my bleeding and ripped back. I ignore their stares and nod to show my father I heard him.

I deserved my self-inflicted punishment. I knew I wouldn't heal. I knew the injury would take weeks to scab over. Without a wolf, you can't heal fast. All pups know this. Even ones kept in cages their entire lives.

  "Hurt him! Do not go easy. He needs every ounce of strength we can teach him. He is too pathetic to be treated in any other way," Father says sternly to his men and they nod.

  Evil smirks dance on the faces around me and before I can prepare myself someone punches the raw wounds on my back. A scream tears through my mouth instantly. I wasn't expecting the hit to be on my back, but it makes sense. My father's men always exploit weaknesses when possible.

  My vision clouds as my pain swims through my system and I stumble forward just as a kick whips through the air. It lands across my stomach and I fly backward. My back lands on the hot fabric of the ring and I scream again. Stomping feet rain down on me as my consciousness slides in and out. For what feels like hours my body and brain howl with pain until I fall silent.

  My father calls a halt to the assault while I stare up at the sky barely alive. The beats of my heart flutter and I plead with it to stop completely. Let me die so the pain stops. Let me slip into the darkness of sleep so I never have the opportunity to cause another person pain. Let me die so my father can have a new son. Maybe if he gets a strong son he will stop hurting the females. He will have what he wants and the pack can be happy.

The world would be better if I wasn't in it.

******

   "I expected him to make it longer," my father's voice growls as the sounds of mysterious machines play in the background.

  "His body is still developing, Alpha. The silver poisoning he sustained before the... Match, probably made his system weak," another voice says and I almost cry as I realize I am still alive.

I didn't die as I hoped. I was brought somewhere for help so my battered body could heal. But I don't want to heal. I want to die. I want to sleep. I want to live in darkness. Darkness is my only friend.

  I begin to squirm and kick as my resolve solidifies in my mind. I won't allow myself to be healed. I will fight back against whatever they do to me to make me better. I  won't be weak anymore. I will be strong for the happiness of the pack and my father. I need to die for them.

  "Atticus! Calm yourself! You are disrupting the IV," the voice from before says urgently, but I ignore him.

   I thrush more violently than before. I roll my sore and wounded body side to side trying to shake off whatever the IV is. It is obviously helping me somehow so I don't want it.

  "Hold still," Rupert snaps and I freeze.

   Fear and weakness work against me again as my father's voice filters into my body halting my movements. I wish I didn't fear him. I wish I could tell my body it's okay to not listen to him, but I can't. His voice is just too powerful. I fear the switch in my brain will always listen to him.

  "Has the drug been administered," Father asks darkly.

  "Yes, Alpha. He should be healed in a week. The bones will take the longest. There were quite a few broken," the male voice says and I hear a grunt.

   After a few moments, total silence falls around me and I allow my tired eyelids to flutter open. White walls meet my narrowly opened eyes and I sigh as I realize I am in the pack's tiny clinic. I love this place. The people here are nice. They feed me multiple times a day and I get to lay out on a bed.

    I let my exhausted eyes close again and my brain drifts once more.

****

   "I believe you will be able to leave tomorrow, Atticus," the tiny nurse says as she folds down my thin sheet.

    I nod. I know if I respond she will hear the sadness and terror in my voice. She has gotten to know me over the past few weeks and I am afraid she will try to defy my father if she knows I am afraid of him. Friends have a tendency to get hurt when Rupert Kincaid is around. I don't need anyone getting hurt for me. I am not worth anyone's pain.

  "Aren't you excited," she asks while changing the tape on my IV.

  I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from answering. Images of returning to my silver cage slap me in the face. My hospital stay is almost over. No more comfortable bed or reading lessons with the older nurse. 

She seems to realize I am not going to reply and nods.

  "If he was my father, I wouldn't be excited either," she whispers and my eyes dart to her face.

  She gives me a sad smile and leaves.

  A dark melancholy falls over me as soon as the door closes. 

How can this be my life? Could I have not been more? Why was I cursed to be his son and why can I never make him happy? I don't want to hurt people like he does, but I wish he was at least proud of me. I try really hard to make him happy. I try to be strong and I obey everything he says. 

 Why couldn't I have just died? I add no value to this world and I never will. I will never have a chance to be an Alpha that helps people and protects them from danger. Why did he have his medical staff save me? He normally allows his victims to die.  I'm not someone he is proud of. He should have let me succumb.