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|02| My Pride Died With My Crush
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2026-01-18 04:44:20The doorbell had already ruined my life once that evening. Naturally, it rang again.
My mum popped her head into the hallway, her light brown hair twisted into a messy coiffure and her checkered apron tied far too proudly around her waist. She looked like a chef. A dangerous illusion.
“I thought I heard the bell,” she said, scanning my face like she was solving a crime.
I shook my head fast. Too fast.
“Well, I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me. I’m making your favorite. Spicy salmon with bok choy rice,” she announced, already retreating.
Mum never cooked favorites unless something was wrong. The last time she’d tried this hard was when Brandon left. Now I was leaving too, and she was determined to pretend everything was fine by feeding me aggressively.
I turned back to Beck, panic bubbling.
“You should go out there,” she said casually.“No.”
“You have to.”
“No, I really don’t.”
“And what exactly do you plan to do instead?” she asked.
“Hide. Relocate. Move to Spain early. Change my name.”
She rolled her eyes. “Just say something normal. Compliment his hair.”
“I am not stepping outside,” I said, shoving my glasses up my nose like that would protect me.
“Okay,” she said too easily.
The doorbell rang again.
Before I could scream, Beck launched herself off the couch and sprinted to the door, physically shoving me aside.
“Beck, don’t you dare,” I hissed.
Too late.
“Hello,” a familiar voice said, warm and devastating. “Is Annalise around? I think she dropped this in front of my house.”
Andy Kane.
My soul left my body.
Beck scanned the room and found me crouched behind the couch like a frightened raccoon.
“Yes, she is,” she chirped. “Lisa, you have a visitor.”Traitor. Criminal. Future corpse.
I had no choice. My legs felt like jelly as I stood, shooting Beck a murderous glare. She grinned and disappeared into the kitchen with my mum.
“Here goes nothing,” I muttered, opening the door.
Andy stood there smiling.
A real smile. Easy. Perfect. Illegal.
My breath caught. His woodsy cologne hit me instantly, and I hated my lungs for reacting. He looked unfairly good standing on my doorstep, like he belonged there.
“Hey,” I said, staring anywhere but his face.
“Annalise,” he said softly. “You dropped this.”
I glanced at the letter as if it had personally betrayed me.
“It’s not mine.”He frowned.
“I mean… it is mine. I wrote it. It’s just addressed to you.”
“Oh,” he said. Then, after a pause, “Mind if I read it here?”
There it was. My death sentence.
“Yes,” I said, because apparently I had lost all survival instincts.
He read silently, thank God. My heart pounded so hard I thought he could hear it. When he finished, he folded the letter carefully.
“I’m… out of words,” he said.
“Funny,” I said. “I used all of mine.”
He smiled sadly. “You’re a really lovely girl, Annalise. But I already have a girlfriend.”
The words landed like a punch.
Of course, he had a girlfriend. Men like Andy always did.
“I shouldn’t have written that,” I said quickly. “Can I have it back?”
This was it. This was the moment I officially retired from romantic hope.
He handed it to me, concern in his eyes. “Are you okay?”
“I’m great,” I lied, forcing a smile that felt painful. “Truly.”
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly before turning away.
“Me too,” I whispered as he walked off.
The door shut behind him, and my heart shattered on impact.
“So?” Beck asked eagerly. “How bad was it?”
“He has a girlfriend,” I sobbed, collapsing. “I knew this was a mistake.”
She wrapped her arms around me while I cried my heart out.
After a while, she pulled back and smiled. “Listen. You’re going to meet some ridiculously hot Spaniards in Spain, and Andy will become a thing of the past.”
I chuckled, releasing her. "With my looks, I'm not so sure I'll be getting an inch closer to any hot Spaniard."
She smirked. “Trust me. This is not the end of your love story.”
I didn’t believe her.
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The Nerd's Playbook |14| Night Walks
The rest of my shift passed in fragments. Orders blurred. Conversations overlapped. I caught flashes of Dean’s profile when I wasn’t looking for him, which annoyed me more than I cared to admit. He barely touched his food. Ruby ate in huge chunks, as if she was not savoring the meal but the situation.When the terrace finally thinned, Antonia waved me over. “Take a break, Lisa.”I slipped into the narrow corridor near the storage room, pressing my palms against the cool wall. My chest rose and fell unevenly. I wasn’t upset, I told myself. Just unsettled. When I returned from my break, Dean and Ruby were nowhere to be found. I breathed a sigh of relief.I clocked out as fast as Antonia would allow.She pressed some leftover churros into a paper bag like contraband, and told me not to work myself thin. I promised I wouldn’t and stepped outside before she could read my face too closely.The evening air was cooler than I expected. The streetlights along the driveway hummed softly, illumin
The Nerd's Playbook |13| Restaurants and Disappointment
Monday afternoons dragged longer than they were supposed to.But as I crossed the street toward Antonia’s grill, my steps slowed without my permission. The bell from Newton Prep still rang faintly in my ears, a reminder that yesterday hadn’t been a dream. The stadium lights. The roar of the crowd. The way one boy had found me in a sea of faces like I’d been standing alone under a spotlight.I tightened my grip on my bag and exhaled. Work was work. By the time I pushed through the swinging doors of the restaurant, the familiar warmth wrapped around me like a second skin. Garlic, olive oil, and something sweet lingered in the air. Antonia looked up from behind the counter and smiled, the kind of smile that settled your nerves without asking questions.“Querida!” she shouted excitedly, wiping her hands on her apron. “Good to see you. How was your weekend?”“Pretty exhausting,” I sighed. “Newton Prep is nothing like my old school.”Her eyes softened. Antonia had that way about her. She w
The Nerd's Playbook |12| The Stranger Has A Name
He stood slightly apart from the others, taller than I remembered, broader in the shoulders. His jersey stretched across his chest, white and unforgiving, the bold black number one stamped against his back like a declaration. His hair was darker under the floodlights, curls damp at the edges, enhancing his boyish features. He laughed at something a teammate said, head tipped back, utterly at ease.My breath caught.No.No, no, no. “That’s Dean?” I whispered faintly.Sally didn't answer.And for a split second, he was the only person I saw on the field. He was my central focus. Every other person was blurred in the background. The stadium noise dimmed, like someone had turned the volume down on reality. My heart slammed once, hard enough to hurt.The announcer called his name.The crowd surged to its feet, sound rising in a violent wave, but I didn’t move. My fingers tightened around the edge of the bench as if it might drift away from me. I forgot to breathe. I forgot Penny and Sally
The Nerd's Playbook |11| Game Night
I flicked the gum from my mouth into the small bin beside my study desk and raised my fist weakly.“He shoots. He scores.”Penny laughed without looking up from the tub of ice cream balanced on her knee. It was chocolate chip cookie dough, already half gone.“This is what happens when you grow up surrounded by boys,” I added, preemptively defensive.“No further explanation needed, Lisa,” she said, shoveling in another spoonful. “I see you.”I leaned back against my pillows, staring at the ceiling. The dorm room smelled faintly of laundry detergent and sugar. Outside, the late afternoon sun slanted through the windows, warm and lazy, as if even the day had decided to take a break.“This is the laziest Saturday I’ve ever had,” I said.Penny hummed in agreement, licking chocolate from her thumb. “This is so good. Are you sure you don’t want some?”“I’m sure,” I said, as my eyelids drooped. Exhaustion clung to me in layers. Newton Prep had a way of draining you without ever raising its vo
The Nerd's Playbook |10| The New Girl
The bell rang like a dismissal and a warning all at once.Conversations resumed, louder than before, as if everyone had been holding their breath and finally remembered how to breathe again. Chairs scraped. Trays shifted. Laughter burst out in uneven pockets. Brianna Kendricks was already halfway across the dining hall, but her presence lingered behind her like a spicy fragrance.Penny leaned toward me. “I don’t like her.”“She might be a good person for all you know.” I murmured sweetly, ever the optimist.“I don’t like people who insult my clothes without making eye contact.”I almost smiled, but the knot in my chest refused to loosen.Shirley checked her watch. “Come on. You’ll miss first period if we don’t move.”As we stood, I felt it again. That strange awareness. As though something had been pressed into me and left a mark I couldn’t see. Brianna hadn
The Nerd's Playbook |09| The Mini Devils
Brianna slid into a seat near the center table. The chair beside her remained empty. No one questioned it. She crossed her legs, lifted her chin slightly, and only then did she smile. It was beautiful. Polite. Empty.“She doesn’t look real,” I said before I could stop myself.Shirley dramatically grabbed my hand. “She isn't real.”“Why does everyone look like they’re holding their breath?”Shirley leaned closer to us, lowering her voice. “Because Brianna doesn’t compete. She eats people alive.”Penny raised her eyebrows."She has influence, attention, money, and connections. ”Brianna laughed at something someone said. It wasn’t loud, but it carried. I watched as two girls leaned in closer to her, nodding eagerly, their smiles tight at the edges.“She’s Oswald Kendricks’ daughter,” Shirley added.
The Nerd's Playbook |08| Gilded Hallways
Shirley led us out of the dorm into the open air.The breeze brushed my cheeks as we stepped onto a wide terracotta walkway. Tall elm trees stood on either side like silent guards, their leaves filtering sunlight into pale green shadows. Azaleas bloomed neatly at their roots, trimmed so precisely t
The Nerd's Playbook |07| Misunderstandings & Friendships
I was somewhere green when the bed shifted beneath me.Not the soft green of school lawns or polished hedges, but the kind that only exists in dreams. Rolling hills. Endless sky. The handsome stranger lay beside me, warm and familiar. His fingers laced loosely through mine. The air smelled like rai
The Nerd's Playbook |06| Finally In School
Faint voices pulled me out of sleep before light did.Soft at first, muffled, like sound traveling through water. I floated somewhere between dreaming and waking, my body heavy, my limbs uncooperative. The gentle rocking of the ambulance had worked better than any lullaby. I forgot where I was. I f
The Nerd's Playbook |05| The Handsome Stranger
Salamanca smelled of oranges and old stone. Warm air drifted through the narrow streets, carrying laughter, footsteps, and a language that still tangled my tongue. It should have felt magical. Instead, my palms were sweating and my heart was lodged somewhere in my throat.Penny was still nowhere to
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